27 ms·

You have to make a small distinction between groups that are alone and unhappy AND groups that are alone to be happy. To each his own I say.

dash2 4y ago
Sure. Are most people single in their 50s by choice, as in they would prefer that to being in a relationship with children? I doubt it. Even if they are, if they're relying on being supported by the next generation, that is still leaning on outsiders, and the outcome may be quite disappointing.
- la64710 4y ago
  Nothing happens without reason and some of those reasons maybe due to choices made earlier in life. Take responsibility for those choices , and most importantly if someone is feeling lonely please consider to wholeheartedly getting involved in volunteering and helping others. It is not a replacement for a relationship but it opens doors to human connections. Life is impermanent , we come alone and go alone , whatever time you find in this planet try whatever ways you can connect to others.
- Dracophoenix 4y ago
  > Are most people single in their 50s by choice, as in they would prefer that to being in a relationship with children? Firstly, There have always been — though I dislike the term — leftover men and women recluses and spinsters. People don't exist as sperm donors and incubators whose only purpose to form a family unit. They have rich lives as individuals. Secondly, the question to ask would be a choice at what cost? I'm sure any naif would answer affirmatively to having a relationship with children. But those who are aware of what the question implies — the surrender of opportunity and free time, the fiduciary duty to spouse and child, the peer pressure and stress from society from without and one's SO from within, the potential for everything to fall apart at one's expense even when doing everything right — will rightfully be more uncertain about whether such a relationship is worth pursuing. No one in this universe has a choice as to someone else's behaviors, and, as a result, the only "reliable" metrics are semi-controllable tradeoffs (i.e. freedom vs loneliness, financial security vs fiduciary obligation) and an ability to judge character. > I doubt it. Even if they are, if they're relying on being supported by the next generation, that is still leaning on outsiders, and the outcome may be quite disappointing. What's the difference? Most people on Earth don't become their parents' geriatric specialists. You'll be depending on outsiders whether or not you have children. In fact, kids especially rely on outsiders to comfort of them, feed them, medicate them, make cheap products for them, teach them, and transport them, for about two decades. And by that point they'll have their own lives with their own demands.
  - RestlessMind 4y ago
    > What's the difference? The biggest difference is that a lot of the tasks you mentioned (feeding, medicating, teaching, transporting) can be outsourced to other random young people. But it is hard to get love and caring from someone who interacts with you on a purely transactional basis. I haven't yet seen any effective replacement to the joy grandkids can bring to grandparents. Or a warm Thanksgiving meal with family around the table. TBF, friends can replace some of the roles families used to play. But intergenerational friendship is still rare and as you get old, your friends are also getting old and cannot care for you the way a younger family member would do.
pessimizer 4y ago
You don't really. You just have to make the assumptions that 1) the proportion between the two groups isn't radically increasing recently in favor of people who want to be alone, and 2) that when a higher proportion of people who are alone report being sad about that and sadder and sicker in general as compared to people who are not, they're not trying to trick you.

dash2 4y ago

Sure. Are most people single in their 50s by choice, as in they would prefer that to being in a relationship with children? I doubt it. Even if they are, if they're relying on being supported by the next generation, that is still leaning on outsiders, and the outcome may be quite disappointing.

la64710 4y ago
Nothing happens without reason and some of those reasons maybe due to choices made earlier in life. Take responsibility for those choices , and most importantly if someone is feeling lonely please consider to wholeheartedly getting involved in volunteering and helping others. It is not a replacement for a relationship but it opens doors to human connections. Life is impermanent , we come alone and go alone , whatever time you find in this planet try whatever ways you can connect to others.
Dracophoenix 4y ago
> Are most people single in their 50s by choice, as in they would prefer that to being in a relationship with children? Firstly, There have always been — though I dislike the term — leftover men and women recluses and spinsters. People don't exist as sperm donors and incubators whose only purpose to form a family unit. They have rich lives as individuals. Secondly, the question to ask would be a choice at what cost? I'm sure any naif would answer affirmatively to having a relationship with children. But those who are aware of what the question implies — the surrender of opportunity and free time, the fiduciary duty to spouse and child, the peer pressure and stress from society from without and one's SO from within, the potential for everything to fall apart at one's expense even when doing everything right — will rightfully be more uncertain about whether such a relationship is worth pursuing. No one in this universe has a choice as to someone else's behaviors, and, as a result, the only "reliable" metrics are semi-controllable tradeoffs (i.e. freedom vs loneliness, financial security vs fiduciary obligation) and an ability to judge character. > I doubt it. Even if they are, if they're relying on being supported by the next generation, that is still leaning on outsiders, and the outcome may be quite disappointing. What's the difference? Most people on Earth don't become their parents' geriatric specialists. You'll be depending on outsiders whether or not you have children. In fact, kids especially rely on outsiders to comfort of them, feed them, medicate them, make cheap products for them, teach them, and transport them, for about two decades. And by that point they'll have their own lives with their own demands.
- RestlessMind 4y ago
  > What's the difference? The biggest difference is that a lot of the tasks you mentioned (feeding, medicating, teaching, transporting) can be outsourced to other random young people. But it is hard to get love and caring from someone who interacts with you on a purely transactional basis. I haven't yet seen any effective replacement to the joy grandkids can bring to grandparents. Or a warm Thanksgiving meal with family around the table. TBF, friends can replace some of the roles families used to play. But intergenerational friendship is still rare and as you get old, your friends are also getting old and cannot care for you the way a younger family member would do.

pessimizer 4y ago

You don't really. You just have to make the assumptions that 1) the proportion between the two groups isn't radically increasing recently in favor of people who want to be alone, and 2) that when a higher proportion of people who are alone report being sad about that and sadder and sicker in general as compared to people who are not, they're not trying to trick you.