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> The last thing I want is some random camping in my backyard. Story: A regional gov agency bought a large tract of land behind my home for conservation. A fir

> The last thing I want is some random camping in my backyard. Story: A regional gov agency bought a large tract of land behind my home for conservation. A fireline was cut all around the edge of the tract and lined with a 4' wire fence that ran adjacent to our properties. Homeowners were unitedly happy the land wouldn't be developed but some were upset it was now available for public daytime use. Two disgruntled neighbors in particular stand out. One was a new mom who was alone all day and was unsettled with folks hiking past her backyard. The other was a generally cantankerous old guy who felt his right of privacy ought to extend far into land that wasn't his. Whenever my kids and I hiked the fireline, we made a point of venturing away from the alone-mom's property but didn't extend the same courtesy to the old guy. Though we had a right to walk any part of the tract we wanted, we found respecting alone-mom's concerns was worth the effort. My moral here is that demanding every last nanometer of rights - while rejecting all notions of consideration - is usually too absolutist to be productive. When conflicting desires are in play, I feel consideration+efficiency leads to more workable agreements.

runsWphotons 4y ago
why were her concerns more important than his? old man was probably alone all day as well and unsettled
- factsarelolz 4y ago
  - torstenvl 4y ago
    I have seen a lot of people with PTSD and I'm thankful for your consciousness of it and care about veterans. I wonder if there might be a way of going about discussing it that would be more effective in winning people over, though.
- WarOnPrivacy 4y ago
  > why were her concerns more important than his? old man was probably alone all day as well and unsettled Young mom is young and still sorting out how to tell FUD from actual risk. Also, her peer group is at actual risk from men. I can give her room to sort out what's what; meanwhile, the risk from men diminishes with age. The old man was married and his adult kids where there a lot. I was on the HOA board and talked to him a number of times. He wasn't struggling with any concern for his safety; he resented that his visible area could be (<5x/yr as it was remote) briefly intruded by someone walking by on the other side of the fence.
prepend 4y ago
> One was a new mom who was alone all day and was unsettled with folks hiking past her backyard. This seems unreasonable to think hikers are a threat to her. It’s nice of you to work to make her feel better but it seems silly for her to think that people are going to break into her house in the middle of their hike. There are many more opportunities for violence and if she wants to worry about things, there’s others.
- HarryHirsch 4y ago
  More to the point: it's bad policy to normalize her concerns. For the sake of her child we hope that New Mom stops at one and is single. The biggest reason for child abductions is custody disputes and the biggest perpetrators of child sex abuse are older siblings.
  - WarOnPrivacy 4y ago
    > it's bad policy to normalize her concerns. For the sake of her child we hope that New Mom stops at one and is single. This feels like a pointlessly bitter analysis, one that has drawn unnecessarily harsh conclusions. At the time, I started weighing her danger assessment but I stopped. New parents tend to suck at risk analysis. I did. Over time I sorted it out. She would too but not that day. > The biggest reason for child abductions is custody disputes and the biggest perpetrators of child sex abuse are older siblings. This false danger narrative you're referencing, you're right that it's crap and harmful. However it is mostly driven by LEO & news orgs - both of whom are in the exact position to know better. It isn't reasonable to blame new mothers for the ongoing ineptitude of professionals.
    - HarryHirsch 4y ago
      LEO & news orgs - both of whom are in the exact position to know better They are not going to stop producing more of the "stranger danger" nonsense, no matter how politely they are asked. You have to start with the consumers if things are ever going to improve.

runsWphotons 4y ago

why were her concerns more important than his? old man was probably alone all day as well and unsettled

factsarelolz 4y ago
- torstenvl 4y ago
  I have seen a lot of people with PTSD and I'm thankful for your consciousness of it and care about veterans. I wonder if there might be a way of going about discussing it that would be more effective in winning people over, though.
WarOnPrivacy 4y ago
> why were her concerns more important than his? old man was probably alone all day as well and unsettled Young mom is young and still sorting out how to tell FUD from actual risk. Also, her peer group is at actual risk from men. I can give her room to sort out what's what; meanwhile, the risk from men diminishes with age. The old man was married and his adult kids where there a lot. I was on the HOA board and talked to him a number of times. He wasn't struggling with any concern for his safety; he resented that his visible area could be (<5x/yr as it was remote) briefly intruded by someone walking by on the other side of the fence.

prepend 4y ago

> One was a new mom who was alone all day and was unsettled with folks hiking past her backyard. This seems unreasonable to think hikers are a threat to her. It’s nice of you to work to make her feel better but it seems silly for her to think that people are going to break into her house in the middle of their hike. There are many more opportunities for violence and if she wants to worry about things, there’s others.

HarryHirsch 4y ago
More to the point: it's bad policy to normalize her concerns. For the sake of her child we hope that New Mom stops at one and is single. The biggest reason for child abductions is custody disputes and the biggest perpetrators of child sex abuse are older siblings.
- WarOnPrivacy 4y ago
  > it's bad policy to normalize her concerns. For the sake of her child we hope that New Mom stops at one and is single. This feels like a pointlessly bitter analysis, one that has drawn unnecessarily harsh conclusions. At the time, I started weighing her danger assessment but I stopped. New parents tend to suck at risk analysis. I did. Over time I sorted it out. She would too but not that day. > The biggest reason for child abductions is custody disputes and the biggest perpetrators of child sex abuse are older siblings. This false danger narrative you're referencing, you're right that it's crap and harmful. However it is mostly driven by LEO & news orgs - both of whom are in the exact position to know better. It isn't reasonable to blame new mothers for the ongoing ineptitude of professionals.
  - HarryHirsch 4y ago
    LEO & news orgs - both of whom are in the exact position to know better They are not going to stop producing more of the "stranger danger" nonsense, no matter how politely they are asked. You have to start with the consumers if things are ever going to improve.