Self awareness in criticism on both sides of the equation is really hard. Some people derive ego out of criticizing, some are angry, spiteful, ideological, per

Self awareness in criticism on both sides of the equation is really hard. Some people derive ego out of criticizing, some are angry, spiteful, ideological, personal - and frankly, I think all criticism have a least small hints of all of these things. But as someone suggested 'etiquette' with a hint of self-awareness, even as simple as 'Do I need to do this?' 'How can I make this about the work and not about either of us?' etc. might help. Wrapped in a bit of 'tone shifting' to make it feel a bit nicer ... then debate ought to be encouraged. On the receiving end, I really think that a bit of 'adversity training' would go a long way. I think people are incredibly resilient, and you can 'pretend expose' people to all sorts of stuff (even some personal attacks) and they will get used to it very quickly. In sports, even in the military, you see people develop certain kinds of resiliency that I think comes from doing challenging things, camaraderie, teammates chirping you when you get to big for yourself (or for any other reason). Confident people don't perceive questions as threats, even if they are reactionary in the moment.