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I've spent a considerable amount of time in Iraq in the US military; it's very tough to explain to people how much energy I now spend assessing threats presente

I've spent a considerable amount of time in Iraq in the US military; it's very tough to explain to people how much energy I now spend assessing threats presented by very mundane acts/situations. It's exhausting. I constantly have to remind myself that I'm not in danger. So tired of it. I feel sometimes that if I were still in a combat zone or a constantly embattled place like Israel that energy wouldn't be expended for nought.

lloeki 15y ago
Are you implying that somehow the vacuity of this acquired reflex in a reasonably safe place and its associated tiredness makes you wish to go to a dangerous place, if only to make that reflex have a purpose, a meaning?
- mattdeboard 15y ago
  Yeah something like that
roqetman 15y ago
It does wear off after a few years; at least it did for me. Now I can hear a car backfire without dropping to the ground (yes I did this once and felt pretty foolish). But I still freeze for a moment when I hear a distant firework or other load bang, and my mind immediately tries to identify the "weapon" sound signature. But I still feel uncomfortable in large crowds, and always scan for an easy exit.
- andrewem 15y ago
  I'm no expert, but both roquetman's and mattdeboard's stories sound like they might be Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (symptoms include "Having an exaggerated response to things that startle you", and "Feeling more aware (hypervigilance)") [0], for which treatment exists that's apparently effective at least for some people. Continuing the recent suicide-prevention theme on HN, "Going through a trauma may increase a person's suicide risk. Studies also show that suicide risk is higher in persons with PTSD." [1] So please, if people find themselves having symptoms like this, consider getting help. [0] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001923/ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001923/ [1] http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/ptsd-suicide.asp http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/ptsd-suicide.asp
  - Udo 15y ago
    Indeed, but not every one of the reactions described idan, mattdeboard, or roqetman is attributable to a disorder. For example, freezing and trying to analyze the sound whenever an explosive noise occurs (or even ducking for cover) is not necessarily a pathological reaction - it could simply be a learned and throughly ingrained response. The patterns you learn in situations where your life depends on a trained behavior tend to be imprinted very deeply. There are a couple of other things that need to go wrong until the diagnosis of PTSD is applicable. Sadly, this is not exactly made easier by the fact that people tend to have vastly different reactions and symptoms.
    - mattdeboard 15y ago
      Yes; I do not believe I have combat-related PTSD. However I do believe that an early adulthood -- 18 to 31 -- spent in the Marine Corps does deeply ingrain certain modes of thought. When those modes are cemented by lengthy combat tours they can be hard to shake. I think for me personally it is a highly anticipatory, self-protective mode. I am constantly assessing and "war gaming" where scenarios/situations might veer. This includes my daily commute, shopping trips and unfortunately romantic relationships.
- mattdeboard 15y ago
  Eh it's been 4 years for me now.
calloc 15y ago
I was taught something really cool by a police friend of mine, and that is the traffic light of awareness. There is green, orange/yellow and red. What you are describing is living above "red". It doesn't matter where you are, what you are doing or who you are with you are constantly looking at peoples hands, faces, posture, and constantly assessing threats. Many people in law enforcement and military have the same experience as you. The way I have heard it explained is as such: green = this is where you feel most safe, this would be when you are home in bed, or when you are back in your old childhood room at your parents house. orange = You are slightly alert, this can be your condition while driving, or walking on the street. You are aware of your surroundings, but you feel comfortable and at ease. red = You are highly alert, you are scanning every single person, you are scanning all situations, you are watching for unexpected movement, you are watching facial expressions and body language, you are looking for exits, you know what locations would be safe and what locations wouldn't be safe. Some people have said they experienced a sort of tunnel vision in that you don't nothing anything but potential threats. People that spend a long time in the red zone can have significant issues with PTSD, it can put you on edge, make it difficult to function in society. The reason why law enforcement feels like such an outsider compared to the general citizen is partly due to constantly being in the red. When they are around other police officers they can let their guard drop a little and feel less stressed. I hope you soon start feeling like you don't have to do what you are doing. I've heard from friends that were in the military that for them it went away after a year or two of being out, but it has been difficult for them, you forever see all situations and people in a completely different light. Best of luck to you. Note: I personally spend a lot of time in orange and red modes, part of this may be my life long martial arts training as well as having had attempted muggings. Even while at home I never leave orange, I have a hard time finding a place where I feel completely at ease/in the green.
- mattdeboard 15y ago
  This is a great explanation and very apt. I'm generally at a red on this scale. I don't call that PTSD, btw, though a lot of laymen might. I just think it comes from the understanding that bad stuff happens regardless of how prepared you are, but you can minimize the damage if you're ready to react.
secoif 15y ago
I have this same thing, but from playing too many video games. Constantly looking for sniper positions, cover, and I always have this feeling I want to walk sideways (strafe) around corners.

lloeki 15y ago

Are you implying that somehow the vacuity of this acquired reflex in a reasonably safe place and its associated tiredness makes you wish to go to a dangerous place, if only to make that reflex have a purpose, a meaning?

mattdeboard 15y ago
Yeah something like that

roqetman 15y ago

It does wear off after a few years; at least it did for me. Now I can hear a car backfire without dropping to the ground (yes I did this once and felt pretty foolish). But I still freeze for a moment when I hear a distant firework or other load bang, and my mind immediately tries to identify the "weapon" sound signature. But I still feel uncomfortable in large crowds, and always scan for an easy exit.

andrewem 15y ago
I'm no expert, but both roquetman's and mattdeboard's stories sound like they might be Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (symptoms include "Having an exaggerated response to things that startle you", and "Feeling more aware (hypervigilance)") [0], for which treatment exists that's apparently effective at least for some people. Continuing the recent suicide-prevention theme on HN, "Going through a trauma may increase a person's suicide risk. Studies also show that suicide risk is higher in persons with PTSD." [1] So please, if people find themselves having symptoms like this, consider getting help. [0] http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001923/ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001923/ [1] http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/ptsd-suicide.asp http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/ptsd-suicide.asp
- Udo 15y ago
  Indeed, but not every one of the reactions described idan, mattdeboard, or roqetman is attributable to a disorder. For example, freezing and trying to analyze the sound whenever an explosive noise occurs (or even ducking for cover) is not necessarily a pathological reaction - it could simply be a learned and throughly ingrained response. The patterns you learn in situations where your life depends on a trained behavior tend to be imprinted very deeply. There are a couple of other things that need to go wrong until the diagnosis of PTSD is applicable. Sadly, this is not exactly made easier by the fact that people tend to have vastly different reactions and symptoms.
  - mattdeboard 15y ago
    Yes; I do not believe I have combat-related PTSD. However I do believe that an early adulthood -- 18 to 31 -- spent in the Marine Corps does deeply ingrain certain modes of thought. When those modes are cemented by lengthy combat tours they can be hard to shake. I think for me personally it is a highly anticipatory, self-protective mode. I am constantly assessing and "war gaming" where scenarios/situations might veer. This includes my daily commute, shopping trips and unfortunately romantic relationships.
mattdeboard 15y ago
Eh it's been 4 years for me now.

calloc 15y ago

I was taught something really cool by a police friend of mine, and that is the traffic light of awareness. There is green, orange/yellow and red. What you are describing is living above "red". It doesn't matter where you are, what you are doing or who you are with you are constantly looking at peoples hands, faces, posture, and constantly assessing threats. Many people in law enforcement and military have the same experience as you. The way I have heard it explained is as such: green = this is where you feel most safe, this would be when you are home in bed, or when you are back in your old childhood room at your parents house. orange = You are slightly alert, this can be your condition while driving, or walking on the street. You are aware of your surroundings, but you feel comfortable and at ease. red = You are highly alert, you are scanning every single person, you are scanning all situations, you are watching for unexpected movement, you are watching facial expressions and body language, you are looking for exits, you know what locations would be safe and what locations wouldn't be safe. Some people have said they experienced a sort of tunnel vision in that you don't nothing anything but potential threats. People that spend a long time in the red zone can have significant issues with PTSD, it can put you on edge, make it difficult to function in society. The reason why law enforcement feels like such an outsider compared to the general citizen is partly due to constantly being in the red. When they are around other police officers they can let their guard drop a little and feel less stressed. I hope you soon start feeling like you don't have to do what you are doing. I've heard from friends that were in the military that for them it went away after a year or two of being out, but it has been difficult for them, you forever see all situations and people in a completely different light. Best of luck to you. Note: I personally spend a lot of time in orange and red modes, part of this may be my life long martial arts training as well as having had attempted muggings. Even while at home I never leave orange, I have a hard time finding a place where I feel completely at ease/in the green.

mattdeboard 15y ago
This is a great explanation and very apt. I'm generally at a red on this scale. I don't call that PTSD, btw, though a lot of laymen might. I just think it comes from the understanding that bad stuff happens regardless of how prepared you are, but you can minimize the damage if you're ready to react.

secoif 15y ago

I have this same thing, but from playing too many video games. Constantly looking for sniper positions, cover, and I always have this feeling I want to walk sideways (strafe) around corners.