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Dating sucks for unappealing men, and dating apps have made it suck for them more efficiently. That’s the primary male grievance against them, and it’s everythi

Dating sucks for unappealing men, and dating apps have made it suck for them more efficiently. That’s the primary male grievance against them, and it’s everything to do with the aggrieved, and nothing to do with the apps.

kranke155 4y ago
nah youre wrong bro. There are structural issues that would would make dating apps work better for most men. You have to remember that there is a 80-20 distribution for women on how many men they find visually attractive. 20% of menive are very attractive to women, while 80% are not at all. I've seen the difference at work. And for those 80% the changes OP is suggesting would be good.
- AmericanChopper 4y ago
  Nope, it’s still going to suck for most men. It always has, and always will. Being constantly rejected by women isn’t new, dating apps didn’t invent this, it’s been around forever. If you want to solve the problem of the typical man having matches that go nowhere, then fine, remove the matches that go nowhere, and he can have no matches instead. Also, the Pareto principle for dating apps isn’t just about physical attractiveness, it’s about all of the factors that women discriminate against combined. If you want to make an app that restricts the ability of women to discriminate effectively, then good luck getting women to use it.
  - kranke155 4y ago
    not what i said but ok. There is an app that allows you to meet people better - Hinge.
    - bradlys 4y ago
      Considering this is owned by Match - it really isn’t going to be any better. It’s not in Match’s interest to have this app actually solve societal woes.
      - kranke155 4y ago
        Hinge allows you to be far more selective, ie not date people of particular religions. I find that honestly refreshing, since I'm LGBT and guess what - tinder will allow homophobes to look and sometimes even match with my profile. My only option so far is to place it first thing in my bio! But then I still get to swipe over a 100 conservative christians and have no idea. it's a waste of time.
        bradlys 4y ago
        Matching is two way - you're liking the homophobe in that scenario too. Tinder is more of a hookup app anyway. It's a different market/mindset.
        kranke155 4y ago
        Sure my point is there should be a toggle in the app that goes - are you interested in dating bisexual men? If you’re not, I shouldn’t see you and they shouldn’t see me, since it’s wasting both our times.
- sokoloff 4y ago
  Is it that different for men finding women attractive? If you showed me pictures of 100 women in my dating age range, I think I’d find around 20* of them attractive on average. That was true when I was 20, 30, or now. * - That might even be a significant over-estimation.
  - kranke155 4y ago
    yes it is. I remember the research, men found 50-50 , 50% attractive vs 50% not. normal distribution. Women were a huge difference. 80% not attractive, 20% or less attractive.
    - sokoloff 4y ago
      Was it this research by any chance: https://web.archive.org/web/20091121080804/http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/11/17/your-looks-and-online-dating/ https://web.archive.org/web/20091121080804/http://blog.okcup... Because if you read past the first and third graphs, which do more-or-less support your position in terms of how they answered "how attractive would you say this person is?", and look into the "how likely was it that you took action to communicate with them?", the selectivity flips quite hard into something that many of us would probably guess: "women's looks matter more to men than men's do to women". Or perhaps this one, which used eHarmony data: https://www.oii.ox.ac.uk/news-events/news/new-study-reveals-changing-trends-in-online-dating/ https://www.oii.ox.ac.uk/news-events/news/new-study-reveals-... Is what people say when surveyed or what they do when free to act more relevant in dating? I think it's the latter.
      - kranke155 4y ago
        I believe so.
trosi 4y ago
"It's a fact...that in societies like ours sex truly represents a second system of differentiation, completely independent of money; and as a system of differentiation it functions just as mercilessly. The effects of these two systems are, furthermore, strictly equivalent. Just like unrestrained economic liberalism, and for similar reasons, sexual liberalism produces phenomena of absolute pauperization . Some men make love every day; others five or six times in their life, or never. Some make love with dozens of women; others with none. It's what's known as 'the law of the market'...Economic liberalism is an extension of the domain of the struggle, its extension to all ages and all classes of society. Sexual liberalism is likewise an extension of the domain of the struggle, its extension to all ages and all classes of society." Taken from Houellebecq novel Whatever. I agree with the general idea, which is also one of the reasons why I think prostitution should be legal.
- bradlys 4y ago
  Prostitution isn’t going to solve anything here though. Men want love as much as women do. Sex is just another happy aspect of being in a loving relationship. Most men don’t get any more fulfillment from having empty ONS than women do.
Silverback_VII 4y ago
No, OLD sucks also for attractive men who didn't select a good picture and don't truly now how attractive they are. Moreover they will get the impression that getting a mate is very hard even if it would be pretty simple with some courage in real life. real life approach displays a lot of confidence whereas you do not get this bonus in OLD. Due to the imbalance an attractive man will settle with a less attractive women in OLD more often than not. Thuse if you see an attractive man with an unattractive woman -> online dating unattractive man with attractive woman-> real life dating
- AmericanChopper 4y ago
  Of course. That’s the problem. Attractive men don’t know they are attractive, so they use bad photos, and aren’t able to showcase their natural confidence effectively… It’s all <something/somebody else’s> fault.
  - kranke155 4y ago
    No one is saying the stuff you're saying, you're just constantly projecting aggression. Do a self check in, please.
bluescrn 4y ago
Dating apps reduced people to a single photo, minimising anything else they may have to offer
- the_only_law 4y ago
  Don’t forget a snippet of text, but you better make it as generic and boring as possible so you fi in and don’t look like a “weirdo”.

kranke155 4y ago

nah youre wrong bro. There are structural issues that would would make dating apps work better for most men. You have to remember that there is a 80-20 distribution for women on how many men they find visually attractive. 20% of menive are very attractive to women, while 80% are not at all. I've seen the difference at work. And for those 80% the changes OP is suggesting would be good.

AmericanChopper 4y ago
Nope, it’s still going to suck for most men. It always has, and always will. Being constantly rejected by women isn’t new, dating apps didn’t invent this, it’s been around forever. If you want to solve the problem of the typical man having matches that go nowhere, then fine, remove the matches that go nowhere, and he can have no matches instead. Also, the Pareto principle for dating apps isn’t just about physical attractiveness, it’s about all of the factors that women discriminate against combined. If you want to make an app that restricts the ability of women to discriminate effectively, then good luck getting women to use it.
- kranke155 4y ago
  not what i said but ok. There is an app that allows you to meet people better - Hinge.
  - bradlys 4y ago
    Considering this is owned by Match - it really isn’t going to be any better. It’s not in Match’s interest to have this app actually solve societal woes.
    - kranke155 4y ago
      Hinge allows you to be far more selective, ie not date people of particular religions. I find that honestly refreshing, since I'm LGBT and guess what - tinder will allow homophobes to look and sometimes even match with my profile. My only option so far is to place it first thing in my bio! But then I still get to swipe over a 100 conservative christians and have no idea. it's a waste of time.
      - bradlys 4y ago
        Matching is two way - you're liking the homophobe in that scenario too. Tinder is more of a hookup app anyway. It's a different market/mindset.
        kranke155 4y ago
        Sure my point is there should be a toggle in the app that goes - are you interested in dating bisexual men? If you’re not, I shouldn’t see you and they shouldn’t see me, since it’s wasting both our times.
sokoloff 4y ago
Is it that different for men finding women attractive? If you showed me pictures of 100 women in my dating age range, I think I’d find around 20* of them attractive on average. That was true when I was 20, 30, or now. * - That might even be a significant over-estimation.
- kranke155 4y ago
  yes it is. I remember the research, men found 50-50 , 50% attractive vs 50% not. normal distribution. Women were a huge difference. 80% not attractive, 20% or less attractive.
  - sokoloff 4y ago
    Was it this research by any chance: https://web.archive.org/web/20091121080804/http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2009/11/17/your-looks-and-online-dating/ https://web.archive.org/web/20091121080804/http://blog.okcup... Because if you read past the first and third graphs, which do more-or-less support your position in terms of how they answered "how attractive would you say this person is?", and look into the "how likely was it that you took action to communicate with them?", the selectivity flips quite hard into something that many of us would probably guess: "women's looks matter more to men than men's do to women". Or perhaps this one, which used eHarmony data: https://www.oii.ox.ac.uk/news-events/news/new-study-reveals-changing-trends-in-online-dating/ https://www.oii.ox.ac.uk/news-events/news/new-study-reveals-... Is what people say when surveyed or what they do when free to act more relevant in dating? I think it's the latter.
    - kranke155 4y ago
      I believe so.

trosi 4y ago

"It's a fact...that in societies like ours sex truly represents a second system of differentiation, completely independent of money; and as a system of differentiation it functions just as mercilessly. The effects of these two systems are, furthermore, strictly equivalent. Just like unrestrained economic liberalism, and for similar reasons, sexual liberalism produces phenomena of absolute pauperization . Some men make love every day; others five or six times in their life, or never. Some make love with dozens of women; others with none. It's what's known as 'the law of the market'...Economic liberalism is an extension of the domain of the struggle, its extension to all ages and all classes of society. Sexual liberalism is likewise an extension of the domain of the struggle, its extension to all ages and all classes of society." Taken from Houellebecq novel Whatever. I agree with the general idea, which is also one of the reasons why I think prostitution should be legal.

bradlys 4y ago
Prostitution isn’t going to solve anything here though. Men want love as much as women do. Sex is just another happy aspect of being in a loving relationship. Most men don’t get any more fulfillment from having empty ONS than women do.

Silverback_VII 4y ago

No, OLD sucks also for attractive men who didn't select a good picture and don't truly now how attractive they are. Moreover they will get the impression that getting a mate is very hard even if it would be pretty simple with some courage in real life. real life approach displays a lot of confidence whereas you do not get this bonus in OLD. Due to the imbalance an attractive man will settle with a less attractive women in OLD more often than not. Thuse if you see an attractive man with an unattractive woman -> online dating unattractive man with attractive woman-> real life dating

AmericanChopper 4y ago
Of course. That’s the problem. Attractive men don’t know they are attractive, so they use bad photos, and aren’t able to showcase their natural confidence effectively… It’s all <something/somebody else’s> fault.
- kranke155 4y ago
  No one is saying the stuff you're saying, you're just constantly projecting aggression. Do a self check in, please.

bluescrn 4y ago

Dating apps reduced people to a single photo, minimising anything else they may have to offer

the_only_law 4y ago
Don’t forget a snippet of text, but you better make it as generic and boring as possible so you fi in and don’t look like a “weirdo”.