You've already mischaracterized my views and further I'm not particularly educated or skilled in debate or theology, nor do I enjoy defending the deep foundatio

You've already mischaracterized my views and further I'm not particularly educated or skilled in debate or theology, nor do I enjoy defending the deep foundations of my self from what is likely to be a hostile audience on the internet. So you will have to remain curious, sorry. But I am lucky enough to have received a centuries-long tradition of christian radicalism, and came to no conclusions on my own. You can read john chysostom, or mother maria, or tolstoy, or talk to your own priest. The path is well-worn and there are many ways to find it.