4 ms·

Some years ago I decided to take communications seriously and read a bunch of books on it. It was a major shift in how I view it. Good communications isn't mer

Some years ago I decided to take communications seriously and read a bunch of books on it. It was a major shift in how I view it. Good communications isn't merely about speaking well[1], but about handling how others speak. If you are frustrated with people never giving simple answers to simple questions (as I often am), it is you who needs to adapt and change strategies. The expectation that a question that should have a simple "Yes/no" response will be answered as such is not a deficiency in the other party. So to communicate well means to learn skills/strategies to handle a variety of communication styles. One other thing to keep in mind: People are like objects in code that have a hidden state (their experience and views in the world). When you say something to them - no matter how plain, that hidden state is going to morph their understanding and how they interpret what you say. The solution is to learn how to get them to reflect back to you what they think you are saying (without annoying them). Now in a given work place, it's not reasonable to expect all employees to understand how effective communications works, and it does make sense for the workplace to have guidelines on it - and those that think differently have to adapt. I'm certainly not arguing for "Let people speak how they speak and the onus is completely on you to adapt" (in the workplace). [1] However you define "well" - there is no consensus on it. Being concise and precise is not it.

joshz404 4y ago
Curious what your book recommendations would be?
- BeetleB 4y ago
  See this comment: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33658571 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33658571
eduction 4y ago
>it's not reasonable to expect all employees to understand how effective communications works By chance did you mean "it's not unreasonable" here?
- BeetleB 4y ago
  Nope. It's not reasonable to expect all (or even most) employees to understand how effective communications works. Some people happen to be good at it, but those are a minority. For the rest, it's a skill one has to learn, and most employees will not learn it. And even if they do, it takes years of practice to become really good at it. I mean, you could mandate everyone take courses on it, but the reality is that most senior leadership have poor communication skills and don't want to spend time on it. Edit: To clarify: What I mean is you'll get further understanding and acknowledging that most communications is poor, and adapt to that than to expect people to communicate well. You may have spent years honing your technical skills, but most employees have spent approximately no time honing their communications skills.
janj 4y ago
I didn't read this as expecting simple answers to questions, but as the question being simple and instead of the person being asked giving a direct answer to that question, instead they give an answer to a tangential question. I've worked with people who do this consistently. Know this I would try to formulate as simple and direct a question as I could, but always the answer would be to a tangential, often more basic question. At first I thought maybe the person was being condescending, answering basic questions that weren't asked, that anyone in my position should know. Maybe he was, I still don't know, but I refused to "believe" that. It's tricky suspecting something but forcing yourself not to believe that thing, but it was very helpful in that I was prepared to get past the initial phase of him not answering the actual question without it being contentious at all. I agree with OP, it does seem like a lot of people make no effort to communicate clearly.
- BeetleB 4y ago
  There are no shortage of such people - I've encountered a bunch. And yes, it's always a pain in the workplace. In my experience, this strategy: > Know this I would try to formulate as simple and direct a question as I could, but always the answer would be to a tangential, often more basic question. Always fails with them. At some point, you have to become humble enough to realize that your approach is flawed and look for alternative approaches.
  - awillen 4y ago
    Or just keep hammering away with the same question until you get an answer. "What's 2+2"? In response, the person explains how addition is. "Okay, thanks for that context, but I don't think we ever actually got to the original question - what's 2+2?" The person tells you a story about something cute their kid did when learning addition. "Again, I think we're getting off track - can you please tell me what 2+2 is?" If they continue long enough, you need to start cutting them off or addressing the issue more directly. "I've asked four times what 2+2 is, and you've told me several stories about addition but haven't answered the question. Is there some reason you're not able to tell me what 2+2 is?" Repeat until you either get an answer to the question or an explanation of why the person you're asking can't answer the question.
deleted 4y ago
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joshz404 4y ago

Curious what your book recommendations would be?

BeetleB 4y ago
See this comment: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33658571 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33658571

eduction 4y ago

>it's not reasonable to expect all employees to understand how effective communications works By chance did you mean "it's not unreasonable" here?

BeetleB 4y ago
Nope. It's not reasonable to expect all (or even most) employees to understand how effective communications works. Some people happen to be good at it, but those are a minority. For the rest, it's a skill one has to learn, and most employees will not learn it. And even if they do, it takes years of practice to become really good at it. I mean, you could mandate everyone take courses on it, but the reality is that most senior leadership have poor communication skills and don't want to spend time on it. Edit: To clarify: What I mean is you'll get further understanding and acknowledging that most communications is poor, and adapt to that than to expect people to communicate well. You may have spent years honing your technical skills, but most employees have spent approximately no time honing their communications skills.

janj 4y ago

I didn't read this as expecting simple answers to questions, but as the question being simple and instead of the person being asked giving a direct answer to that question, instead they give an answer to a tangential question. I've worked with people who do this consistently. Know this I would try to formulate as simple and direct a question as I could, but always the answer would be to a tangential, often more basic question. At first I thought maybe the person was being condescending, answering basic questions that weren't asked, that anyone in my position should know. Maybe he was, I still don't know, but I refused to "believe" that. It's tricky suspecting something but forcing yourself not to believe that thing, but it was very helpful in that I was prepared to get past the initial phase of him not answering the actual question without it being contentious at all. I agree with OP, it does seem like a lot of people make no effort to communicate clearly.

BeetleB 4y ago
There are no shortage of such people - I've encountered a bunch. And yes, it's always a pain in the workplace. In my experience, this strategy: > Know this I would try to formulate as simple and direct a question as I could, but always the answer would be to a tangential, often more basic question. Always fails with them. At some point, you have to become humble enough to realize that your approach is flawed and look for alternative approaches.
- awillen 4y ago
  Or just keep hammering away with the same question until you get an answer. "What's 2+2"? In response, the person explains how addition is. "Okay, thanks for that context, but I don't think we ever actually got to the original question - what's 2+2?" The person tells you a story about something cute their kid did when learning addition. "Again, I think we're getting off track - can you please tell me what 2+2 is?" If they continue long enough, you need to start cutting them off or addressing the issue more directly. "I've asked four times what 2+2 is, and you've told me several stories about addition but haven't answered the question. Is there some reason you're not able to tell me what 2+2 is?" Repeat until you either get an answer to the question or an explanation of why the person you're asking can't answer the question.

deleted 4y ago

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