3 ms·

Weird, it seems the authors don't even know what an apology is or an i'm sorry is. Everyone can say "I'm Sorry" it means so many things that in reality it means

by nmz 4y ago

Weird, it seems the authors don't even know what an apology is or an i'm sorry is. Everyone can say "I'm Sorry" it means so many things that in reality it means nothing. Regret and admittance of wrongdoing is the point of an apology, it means the individual knows their actions were wrong, and they would take them back. That's much better than an "I'm Sorry", which usually means, "really wish you wouldn't feel so bad" or "lets move past this".

eesmith 4y ago
The "regret is not apology" seems to refer to a specific type of regret. That is, https://sorrywatch.com/regret-is-not-apology-karl/ https://sorrywatch.com/regret-is-not-apology-karl/ says: > Regret is all about you; apology is all about another person’s feelings. Regret stands alone; apology reaches out to someone else. Also, shut up with the whole “regret the controversy” business. That phrase just means, “I’m irked at other people.” Regret your actions, then apologize for them. Do not say you regret other people’s responses to your being an asshole. Note that it contains "regret" used two different ways. Your "admittance of wrongdoing" is part of "regret your actions", while that chant concerns "regret other people’s responses". You can see the book authors' "The Six Steps to a Good Apology" at https://sorrywatch.com/ https://sorrywatch.com/ . Your "knows their actions are wrong" is "2. Say specifically what you’re sorry FOR" and your "would take them back" is likely closest to "5. Explain the actions you’re taking to insure this won’t happen again." (See also https://sorrywatch.com/the-parts-of-a-good-apology/ https://sorrywatch.com/the-parts-of-a-good-apology/ .) Thing is, I don't think the author of the New Yorker piece really addresses the points of the book, but instead uses it as a stepping stone to a very different interpretation of the topic, and lumping the book into a lumpy mishmash of religion and Twitter mobs. Which that book ... doesn't seem to be about. The web site gives an example of a good apology that Lincoln gave to Grant, at https://sorrywatch.com/when-lincoln-was-wrong/ https://sorrywatch.com/when-lincoln-was-wrong/ , and commentary on Grant's poor apology for ordering the expulsion of Jews from the Department of Tennessee, followed by his actions which help make up for that apology.

by nmz 4y ago

eesmith 4y ago

The "regret is not apology" seems to refer to a specific type of regret. That is, https://sorrywatch.com/regret-is-not-apology-karl/ https://sorrywatch.com/regret-is-not-apology-karl/ says: > Regret is all about you; apology is all about another person’s feelings. Regret stands alone; apology reaches out to someone else. Also, shut up with the whole “regret the controversy” business. That phrase just means, “I’m irked at other people.” Regret your actions, then apologize for them. Do not say you regret other people’s responses to your being an asshole. Note that it contains "regret" used two different ways. Your "admittance of wrongdoing" is part of "regret your actions", while that chant concerns "regret other people’s responses". You can see the book authors' "The Six Steps to a Good Apology" at https://sorrywatch.com/ https://sorrywatch.com/ . Your "knows their actions are wrong" is "2. Say specifically what you’re sorry FOR" and your "would take them back" is likely closest to "5. Explain the actions you’re taking to insure this won’t happen again." (See also https://sorrywatch.com/the-parts-of-a-good-apology/ https://sorrywatch.com/the-parts-of-a-good-apology/ .) Thing is, I don't think the author of the New Yorker piece really addresses the points of the book, but instead uses it as a stepping stone to a very different interpretation of the topic, and lumping the book into a lumpy mishmash of religion and Twitter mobs. Which that book ... doesn't seem to be about. The web site gives an example of a good apology that Lincoln gave to Grant, at https://sorrywatch.com/when-lincoln-was-wrong/ https://sorrywatch.com/when-lincoln-was-wrong/ , and commentary on Grant's poor apology for ordering the expulsion of Jews from the Department of Tennessee, followed by his actions which help make up for that apology.