4 ms·

Engineers instinctively want to solve problems. You can't solve this problem. They're going to feel awful for a while. "Hey, you'll find another job!" or "Hey,

Engineers instinctively want to solve problems. You can't solve this problem. They're going to feel awful for a while. "Hey, you'll find another job!" or "Hey, in 6 months you'll be over it!" or mentioning Kubler-Ross are the wrong "solutions." And definitely anything about you is the wrong solution. "I'm really sorry" sounds like boilerplate, but that's a good opening. And also a good closing.

calvinmorrison 4y ago
improving my relationship with my wife has roughly been figuring out "is she venting/complaining or looking for a solution", and for myself, asking the same thing.
- thedanbob 4y ago
  My wife and I use the phrase “it’s not about the nail”[0] as an in-joke/shorthand for communicating this. [0] https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg
  - Cupertino95014 4y ago
    .. but what if she DID have a nail in her head? :)
kayodelycaon 4y ago
This isn’t limited to engineers. For better or worse, it seems to be the default human response. Good for the species, I guess. Aggravating for the individual. :)
JamesianP 4y ago
Well I mean it is an objectively solvable problem. Personally I vacillate between fear of the future and optimism of the future. Peers expressing the opinion that there's nothing to feel bad about helps my perspective a lot more than people acting like they think someone just died when I suffer a setback.
scruple 4y ago
It really is frustrating. I commented elsewhere on this post that a very good friend of mine was just laid off and his immigration status is now a question that needs an answer in the coming month(s). His entire family is on the other side of the Pacific Ocean. I'm 3 states removed, so I can't physically help him with anything, either. My own employer is not hiring right now. The best that I can do is reach out to my own network on his behalf, and I am doing that, but I do not like the feeling of helplessness that I feel over his situation, let alone what he must be feeling about it. It really does feel awful, even as a bystander.
- tacheiordache 4y ago
  Could a friend hire him for their company for a fictitious salary or something like that to keep their immigration clock going?
  - miscaccount 4y ago
    that would be immigration fraud and can be a serious offence. the paper work for getting a H1b or any immigration visa is like 100+ pages at minimum. https://www.justice.gov/usao-ndca/pr/two-santa-clara-county-executives-charged-specialty-occupation-visa-fraud https://www.justice.gov/usao-ndca/pr/two-santa-clara-county-... just one of the many example.
  - jamiek88 4y ago
    I know you mean well but unless you’ve actually been through the U.S. immigration system you can’t properly understand how absurd this suggestion is. Please no one do this. It won’t help, won’t work, and you’ll both regret it big time. Some people tried this stuff with their llc’s in 2008 oil crash, lot of h1b’s and E2’s all employer tied. I testified at several of the hearings.

calvinmorrison 4y ago

improving my relationship with my wife has roughly been figuring out "is she venting/complaining or looking for a solution", and for myself, asking the same thing.

thedanbob 4y ago
My wife and I use the phrase “it’s not about the nail”[0] as an in-joke/shorthand for communicating this. [0] https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg https://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg
- Cupertino95014 4y ago
  .. but what if she DID have a nail in her head? :)

kayodelycaon 4y ago

This isn’t limited to engineers. For better or worse, it seems to be the default human response. Good for the species, I guess. Aggravating for the individual. :)

JamesianP 4y ago

Well I mean it is an objectively solvable problem. Personally I vacillate between fear of the future and optimism of the future. Peers expressing the opinion that there's nothing to feel bad about helps my perspective a lot more than people acting like they think someone just died when I suffer a setback.

scruple 4y ago

It really is frustrating. I commented elsewhere on this post that a very good friend of mine was just laid off and his immigration status is now a question that needs an answer in the coming month(s). His entire family is on the other side of the Pacific Ocean. I'm 3 states removed, so I can't physically help him with anything, either. My own employer is not hiring right now. The best that I can do is reach out to my own network on his behalf, and I am doing that, but I do not like the feeling of helplessness that I feel over his situation, let alone what he must be feeling about it. It really does feel awful, even as a bystander.

tacheiordache 4y ago
Could a friend hire him for their company for a fictitious salary or something like that to keep their immigration clock going?
- miscaccount 4y ago
  that would be immigration fraud and can be a serious offence. the paper work for getting a H1b or any immigration visa is like 100+ pages at minimum. https://www.justice.gov/usao-ndca/pr/two-santa-clara-county-executives-charged-specialty-occupation-visa-fraud https://www.justice.gov/usao-ndca/pr/two-santa-clara-county-... just one of the many example.
- jamiek88 4y ago
  I know you mean well but unless you’ve actually been through the U.S. immigration system you can’t properly understand how absurd this suggestion is. Please no one do this. It won’t help, won’t work, and you’ll both regret it big time. Some people tried this stuff with their llc’s in 2008 oil crash, lot of h1b’s and E2’s all employer tied. I testified at several of the hearings.