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I'm a guy and have been focused on building tools to explore emotions for like 10 years. I think a lot of us men lack intimacy with close friends, especially em

I'm a guy and have been focused on building tools to explore emotions for like 10 years. I think a lot of us men lack intimacy with close friends, especially emotional, because we lack it with ourselves. The analogy that came to mind this morning is that of a swimming pool. If intimacy is the depth of water, many of us are afraid to go into the deep end. We want to feel the narrow slice of what we've learned is ok to feel, aka stay in the shallow end of the pool because it's safe. Maybe in the past we went into the deep end (often falling in love and then it ending) and we almost drowned, and therefore we may be terrified to go back there, even if we are a much better swimmer that we think we are. Also, I don't think this applies just to men, as I was crafting this analogy today as a result of a woman who wants to seem to avoid going too deep with me or other people in her life right now, whereas I want the depth.

zwkrt 4y ago
I think that’s an honorable goal. I like the swimming pool analogy. Some people and cultures are just so much more guarded when it comes to addressing their feelings with others. Even basic-level friend feelings of appreciation, compersion, and annoyance that are present in most all friend relationships. As a result connections can only go so deep and peoples’ friendships can feel empty and unfulfilling. The best part of having friends should be that you can be who you are sand say what you mean, but I see many people in my life for whom this is seemingly not possible. I called out the straights in my original post but it really crosses sexuality and gender, as you note!
- jimkleiber 4y ago
  I think I hear you. I studied intercultural communication in college and think I got so good at adapting to culture and have been asking myself more lately about how much would I like to change culture. That's one thing I really appreciate about the article, almost saying let's try to (re)create culture to encourage friendship and affection and depth.

zwkrt 4y ago

I think that’s an honorable goal. I like the swimming pool analogy. Some people and cultures are just so much more guarded when it comes to addressing their feelings with others. Even basic-level friend feelings of appreciation, compersion, and annoyance that are present in most all friend relationships. As a result connections can only go so deep and peoples’ friendships can feel empty and unfulfilling. The best part of having friends should be that you can be who you are sand say what you mean, but I see many people in my life for whom this is seemingly not possible. I called out the straights in my original post but it really crosses sexuality and gender, as you note!

jimkleiber 4y ago
I think I hear you. I studied intercultural communication in college and think I got so good at adapting to culture and have been asking myself more lately about how much would I like to change culture. That's one thing I really appreciate about the article, almost saying let's try to (re)create culture to encourage friendship and affection and depth.