4 ms·
> Regardless of anything else, I think the key thing to remember about ADHD is that you do not need to be a high-performing human being, at all, in life. You wi
by elcritch 4y ago
> Regardless of anything else, I think the key thing to remember about ADHD is that you do not need to be a high-performing human being, at all, in life. You will forget things and get distracted and not get as much done. So what. You are still intelligent and caring and dedicated and responsible and a hard worker.
Exactly! I was diagnosed later in life by which time I had experienced a significant amount of trauma expecting myself to be normal. Learning to embrace limitations and the "workarounds" needed to function helped me tremendously. Learning to "ride the waves" so to speak and working with your brain changes things day and night.
The other part is learning to stand up for oneself. There's often a lot of undue criticism from others because you need to do things differently. Being constantly criticized because you forget what often amounts to trivial things is one of the worse "symptoms". Many people also associate "togetherness" on unrelated items with competence or ability. Of course there's basic tasks that need to be handled, but many folks view even "struggling" with such things as evidence of incompetence.
For example, adhd'ers often pay a "tax" because they occasionally forget things at the grocery store, but at work they also tend to foresee certain problems long before others do. However many managers see or here about the former and ignore the latter and are too narrow in their mental models to comprehend the differences.
It's also acceptable to ask for help for those weird things your brain refuses todo. I've asked people to "hit enter" for me just to short circuit a procrastination loop. Now I can actually do it "in my head" as a sorta role playing game. :)
> Do not put pressure on yourself to live up to what someone else can do. Only do what you can do, in your time, and be at peace.
Right on. Ironically doing this also lets your brain work better!
Unfortunately this requires understanding from those around you too. Sometimes family members with undiagnosed adhd can be some of the worse due to internalizing all the normal criticisms.
Its great seeing so many adhd'ers sharing actually helpful advice nowadays.
- nicbou 4y agoRiding the waves, great metaphor! When I stopped fighting them, my life got much easier. I found a way of working that suits this better.
- jamiek88 4y agoYour comment really, really moved me. And I identify so hard with the press enter anecdote. Thank you.
- elcritch 4y agoYou’re welcome! It surprising how similar many ADHDers experiences are and yet we think we’re alone. :-)
- sedivy94 4y agoYour comment about foresight… enlightening. I’m often in a position where I’ve mapped out a problem far ahead of my peers, sometimes I have to let them toil with the problem for a while before I break the bad news. Quick wit has never been my strong suit, though.
- otikik 4y agoHi, could you give an example of the “press enter” part? I feel it would work for me but I don’t fully understand what you mean.
- elcritch 4y agoSure! It can be a method to overcome procrastination. Say you’re procrastinating on starting on a new work project. Neurotypicals might just type `npm init myproj` and “hit enter” to break it down into a smaller piece. Useful and seemingly simple.. However, ADHD’ers brain may interpret “hitting enter” as akin to putting your hand on a hot stove element. You literally just can’t do it! In that case type in `npm init myproj`, grab an (open minded) coworker to “hit enter”. Despite the odd looks, having the repo created will often override the blocker! Though it’s the principal that counts as your brain could shift the blocker to the readme, etc, so you have to adapt as needed. The general premise is to ignore the odd looks, and get help despite the seeming inanity of the action. Involving someone else even trivially helps too, similar to the “body double” concept. Generally you can use your ability to reason to overcome hind brain hindrances. It’s sort of like using reasoning to create a hot glove to grab hot things out of a fire, rather than “just try harder” to force yourself to have thicker calluses like everyone else. But first you have to accept you don’t have natural calluses and your brain won’t let you grab hot things because it hurts. Grab a glove, or get a friend to.
- otikik 4y agoHey, thank you for explaining it so clearly, it makes total sense. Have a wonderful day.
- doix 4y agoHow did you get diagnosed? Do you feel like it was worth going through the process? A lot of what you said resonates with me... > Being constantly criticized because you forget what often amounts to trivial things is one of the worse "symptoms" I spent a lot of effort removing "trivial" things from my day to day life. I have a rule of ever only doing a single "life admin" thing per day, ideally 0. A lot of people act like I'm crazy when I talk about hating the dishwasher because it creates a future obligation of having to unload it later. I'm actually writing a productivity book that revolves around doing less each day and avoiding tasks that create future commitments to avoid cognitive load. When I talk about it to some people, it really resonates. Other people look at me like I'm crazy and and tell me to stop being lazy.
- elcritch 4y agoYes, the process was extremely valuable for me since I didn't know what was "wrong" but knew there was something. I looked up a psychiatrist experienced with diagnosis who recommended a professional IQ exam. There are very clear statistically significant differences associated with ADHD, which helped me accept "adhd" as a real thing. That part alone was worth it and the evidence was pretty undeniable. I went back for a PhD program and got a diagnosis from the health services there, along with some CBT therapy. I'd recommend going to a psychiatrist/ therapist with a good track record of diagnosing and treating adhd. Many doctors, even psychiatrists, are dangerously under-versed in adhd or even believe its fake. haha and I feel the bit about cognitive loading.