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I diagnosed when I was like... 8 years old. From then to 17 I was on various meds, finally gave them all up. So for about 22 years I've coped with ADHD without

I diagnosed when I was like... 8 years old. From then to 17 I was on various meds, finally gave them all up. So for about 22 years I've coped with ADHD without meds. I am a Staff Engineer and make a good living, respected in my field. Regardless of anything else, I think the key thing to remember about ADHD is that you do not need to be a high-performing human being, at all, in life. You will forget things and get distracted and not get as much done. So what. You are still intelligent and caring and dedicated and responsible and a hard worker. You probably put more effort in (when you get around to it) than many others without the condition. And you will do about as well as everyone else, on average. And this is fine. Do not put pressure on yourself to live up to what someone else can do. Only do what you can do, in your time, and be at peace.

slothtrop 4y ago
Similar case here. In rational circles a study (or studies) came around showing that learning outcomes between the medicated and unmedicated are roughly the same even if testing performance is better on medication. Since I improved my sleep (and lowered distractions), I've had no issues performing or focusing as needed, at least as much as the next guy. I think the meds are a double-edged sword, and the compromise may be more appropriate for some than others. I also think even more strongly that despite real cases, ADHD medication is overprescribed in the West. If school was boring and I'm a daydreamer, do I need to be "corrected"?
just3ws 4y ago
Thanks, I really needed to be reminded of that this morning. I've been beating myself up over the same types of thinking and it can be hard sometimes.
darksaints 4y ago
I had dropped out of college three times, spent a short stint homeless, and had nothing but tumultuous relationships before I was diagnosed with ADHD and started medication. Now I can live life like a normal human. Please don't discourage others from taking medication to treat a very real illness.
nerdyadventurer 4y ago
Does your company know that you have ADHD? If so how was there response?
ReaLNero 4y ago
Why did you stop taking meds? Curious what would be your reasons against it.
- throwawaaarrgh 4y ago
  Mainly because I was also put on anti-depressants, anti-psychotics etc and it was making me much worse (sometimes parents are idiots). But before that the stimulants turned me into an emotionless zombie. Once the meds wore off, crying was a magical revelation, like, "oh! this is what feelings are like! this is awesome!"
- resonious 4y ago
  I'm not GP but I also stopped taking meds (actually recently for me, and I'm 27). I'm sure GP's reason is different. My reason was that I had realized that a lot of my old ADHD symptoms were actually still happening. I was still procrastinating, still getting stressed when forced to focus on stuff I don't care about, still forgetting stuff. As an experiment, I decided to keep lowering my dose to see what happens. I kept lowering it until 0 and basically nothing has changed. I still do great at my job, can study stuff I'm interested in, can function completely normally. Makes me wonder whether the effects had simply worn off after so long, or if it was placebo from the start.
  - PragmaticPulp 4y ago
    > My reason was that I had realized that a lot of my old ADHD symptoms were actually still happening. I was still procrastinating, still getting stressed when forced to focus on stuff I don't care about, still forgetting stuff. Anecdotally, I've watched a lot of friends and colleagues go through this exact cycle: Going on meds and then just focusing more intensely on their distractions. I really think we're doing a disservice to all the people who get a prescription and get sent out the door without a more involved framework for how to use the meds as part of their ADHD treatment strategy rather than a presumed cure in a pill.
    - TeMPOraL 4y ago
yc-kraln 4y ago
I was diagnosed when I was six, and, like you, I dropped all meds at 17. Recently (as in, this year) through a combination of therapy and introspection, I realized that while indeed I was able to have a successful life, career, relationships without the medication, and that, yes, my coping mechanisms were satisfactory, I was punching myself in the face for no reason Last month I saw a psychiatrist and got a prescription for stimulant medication for the first time in 20 years. After a week I had to sit down and just cry: stuff which was difficult or stressful was just simple, and at the end of the day I have so much more energy to do things, to be present, to live my life. The medication is an aid, a crutch, sure, and I don't need it, but it makes my life better, easier, less stressful and less tiring. Why are you punching yourself in the face for no reason?
- hacknewslogin 4y ago
  I'm right there with you, getting medication that worked for me made a huge difference. I can now just get up and do a thing without feeling like I have to tear down a wall to do it. It doesn't hurt my brain to have my focus interrupted, and I can get back to what I was doing right away. The best explanation I've seen is this comic: https://teddit.net/r/ADHDmemes/comments/pmrh5d/quite_possibly_the_best_explanation_of_adhd_ive/ https://teddit.net/r/ADHDmemes/comments/pmrh5d/quite_possibl...
- jethro_tell 4y ago
  This is me, too. I grew up in a "Kids just don't want to learn any more, they all just take meds to fix behavior problems" household. I quit my meds when I was about 16/17 failed out of my last year of highschool, went on to become a construction foreman for huge projects managing crews of 30-40. During a layoff in 2009 because there was no construction, I installed linux on a laptop because I borked my OS and didn't have a key. Ended up getting a job as an ISP call center tech at a small ISP/hosting company a few months later, taught myself systems and networking administration and was running the whole place a few years later including the BGP peering, system automation, monitoring, and building. I went to work for a FANNG for a decade, Built some cool shit, have a few patents. When the pandemic hit, I really stopped for the first time and looked at what being able to perform at a high level was costing me and my family. 1. I was drinking too much, a small buzz would slow my mind down and let me focus on a single thing, It kinda works but at what cost? 2. I always knew what I needed to do, I understood how to build what I needed to build but there would be times, whole weeks, when I'd be unable to bring myself to read the docs I needed too or do what ever I needed to do, that would make me uneasy and lead to a lot of self-loathing. Not a great person for my family to be around during those times. 3. Always feeling like I needed to work but never working, so everything was an inconvenience because I should be getting something done at work but I wasn't, then things like dinner with my family felt like it might be taking away from some work I wasn't going to do anyways. 4. The lightning would strike, I'd find a deadline or whatever and I'd work, almost unbroken for days straight, online before my kids got up, get them to school, work, pick them up and make dinner/put to bed, work through the night or late into the night. 5. I'd build the thing I needed to and then I'd crash and be tired, and then I'd have a day or two to be the father and partner and person I wanted to be, but there's always the nagging feeling that next time, I'll be too late or won't pull it off . . .. I spent 2 years in therapy (starting before the pandemic) addressing the symptoms and working on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques to address a chemical imbalance in my brain. Working on being kind to myself, working on stress management, working on time management. Part way into the pandemic, I ended up quitting, realizing I just needed a break and I was working so much harder than any of my peers for a similar or worse output. Them mental overhead of keeping up was excessive. Eventually, I went back and got properly medicated. It was like a switch flipped. It took me a month or so, to get into it, but I found myself feeling like I could stop and be available for my kids whenever, because I started to realize, I could just turn my focus on and off whenever I wanted and I didn't have to wait for lightning to strike. The thing that's most beneficial is a bit unseen, I'm not carrying a burden of self-loathing, fear, anxiety on my back, all stressors that were a result of my inability to entirely control my focus and do the thing that I wanted to do when I wanted to. That invisible weight that I carried everywhere vanished. I've seen a marked improvement in my life over the last year or so. I'm a better father, partner, employee. I like myself for the first time in decades. This is long winded, but I wanted to put this out there because there are a lot of us in tech. having ADHD is actually a great way to get into tech, we find something we don't understand or a blocker and dig deep. I was just trying to find a way around a license key and ended up learning internet routing . . .. I have a very broad skill set because I'll dig deep on anything that walks by. I see many like myself. But if you find yourself in a cycle like this, go get help. Life doesn't have to be that hard.
californical 4y ago
Yeah I went through something similar, but recently started trying meds again. Not to take every day hopefully, but only in periods where I feel especially affected and want to be more productive. I feel it’s the best of both worlds, but will see how it goes and if I stick with ‘em. I think it’s good to experiment and figure out what works for you. I’m generally opposed to relying on drugs for things like this unless it’s really necessary, which is why I stopped taking meds for a while. But I’ve been having some real challenges recently with my focus & it’s been so frustrating. Hoping I’m able to find some sort of balance with it. Guess my point is that it’s ok to let the meds help you too, and it doesn’t need to be problematic. I think I resisted going back on medication for a while because I was thinking “I don’t need anything, I can get by just fine with no help from meds!!” And while that may be true, it can still make my life significantly less frustrating to take the help sometimes.
- throwawaaarrgh 4y ago
  I agree. I hope I didn't come off as anti-med; just wanted to share that we can be OK either way. Do what works for you, try different things, but be OK with however you end up, even if it's not as productive as you'd like.
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
hericium 4y ago
ADHD can be partially treated during childhood. The problem is when it goes undiagnosed for years. Your adult life may have looked much differently, would you not have been medicated earlier.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
elcritch 4y ago
> Regardless of anything else, I think the key thing to remember about ADHD is that you do not need to be a high-performing human being, at all, in life. You will forget things and get distracted and not get as much done. So what. You are still intelligent and caring and dedicated and responsible and a hard worker. Exactly! I was diagnosed later in life by which time I had experienced a significant amount of trauma expecting myself to be normal. Learning to embrace limitations and the "workarounds" needed to function helped me tremendously. Learning to "ride the waves" so to speak and working with your brain changes things day and night. The other part is learning to stand up for oneself. There's often a lot of undue criticism from others because you need to do things differently. Being constantly criticized because you forget what often amounts to trivial things is one of the worse "symptoms". Many people also associate "togetherness" on unrelated items with competence or ability. Of course there's basic tasks that need to be handled, but many folks view even "struggling" with such things as evidence of incompetence. For example, adhd'ers often pay a "tax" because they occasionally forget things at the grocery store, but at work they also tend to foresee certain problems long before others do. However many managers see or here about the former and ignore the latter and are too narrow in their mental models to comprehend the differences. It's also acceptable to ask for help for those weird things your brain refuses todo. I've asked people to "hit enter" for me just to short circuit a procrastination loop. Now I can actually do it "in my head" as a sorta role playing game. :) > Do not put pressure on yourself to live up to what someone else can do. Only do what you can do, in your time, and be at peace. Right on. Ironically doing this also lets your brain work better! Unfortunately this requires understanding from those around you too. Sometimes family members with undiagnosed adhd can be some of the worse due to internalizing all the normal criticisms. Its great seeing so many adhd'ers sharing actually helpful advice nowadays.
- nicbou 4y ago
  Riding the waves, great metaphor! When I stopped fighting them, my life got much easier. I found a way of working that suits this better.
- jamiek88 4y ago
  Your comment really, really moved me. And I identify so hard with the press enter anecdote. Thank you.
biggerChris 4y ago
- mtsr 4y ago
  The graveyards filled with former hobbies that many with ADHD can attest to tell a different story. One where perseverance through frustration is not only relevant to one’s career, but possibly also one’s happiness. Sure, acceptance of the limited arc of concentration and limited frustration tolerance is essential. But that doesn’t preclude people being happier when they become able to actually stick to things for a while when they want to.
  - flakeoil 4y ago
    The issue with your reasoning is that what you describe is not ADHD. It's not a decease. It's nothing wrong. It's normal. It's human. It's pathetic to read about how people take drugs or want to take drugs because they have difficulties to focus on reading a book or focusing on a hobby or a boring job. Sure there are people who really have issues and really have ADHD, but in those cases it's pretty obvious. People want to take pills against obesity. People want to take pills to improve concentration. The easy path. Why not instead try regular exercise and >8h sleep per night? And no alcohol and drugs.
    - mtsr 4y ago
      Excuse me. Who are you to judge whether somebody else who’s seeing a therapist and getting prescriptions meds does or doesn’t have ADHD? Sure the tests used aren’t black and white, but the measuring stick of specific symptoms combined with “significant problems in at least three areas of life” does a reasonable job of selecting for actual patients. And we don’t prescribe meds to the self-diagnosed. One thing you are right about is that, like many psychological conditions, ADHD is a matter of degrees. Everyone can potentially be anxious at times, or sad, or distracted. But if it gets to a point where it impairs functioning in so many things, it might actually be a somatic issue.
    - notrealyme123 4y ago
baby 4y ago
As a noob, can you guys give me an idea of what it is to live with ADHD? My understanding is that focus is a spectrum and different people are on different spots on that spectrum. I always imagine that something becomes a condition and gets a name (like ADHD) once it becomes an issue in your life and prevents you from functioning in society. When I hear that you're a staff engineer it sorts of tells me that it's not really an issue for you? Not saying that you don't struggle with focus, but everybody is, I imagine that some people can't even hold a job because of their lack of focus though.
- RHSman2 4y ago
  Life falling apart and you go play in the woods ;)
- Doxin 4y ago
  > something becomes a condition and gets a name (like ADHD) once it becomes an issue in your life and prevents you from functioning in society. It gets named once it becomes an issue in life. It doesn't need to be as bad as being unable to function to get diagnosed.
- nicbou 4y ago
  It's a tough one, because the symptoms are relatable to most ("isn't that everybody?"). They're just more intense than for most, and come with unexpected "features" like executive disfunction. The intensity also varies from a person to another, and the severity depends on a person's lifestyle. The lack of focus is a lure, an oversimplification. It's not just "I can't focus on something I don't like to do". It's more like "halfway into making a cup of coffee, the most important thing in my life became to clean the pantry". Imagine running late, but stopping dead in your tracks with only one sock on, and answering an email. You know it's mad, but you can't help it. However if you have a job that's lenient enough, you can hide it well. I stopped treatment because I couldn't gather enough data. My job was too easy to know if it worked. It's still the case. Another thing is that a lot of people learned to cope with it for decades before getting diagnosed. Their life is full of alarms and error-catching mechanisms, so the symptoms are well-managed. If you know your strengths and weaknesses, you pick your battles. It's not an issue unless your battles are picked for you.
herbst 4y ago
Diagnosed with 25 or so, ADD however. Amphetamines made me even more guilt to function as a super human. And they would make me moody. I stopped and changed my work environment as well as my self pressure. I can be super functional and motivated sometimes, if I give myself enough time to get there. However, my partner is taking meds for her ADHD and for her it's honestly a life changer.
Kinrany 4y ago
This may solve the associated psychological issues for people that have them but does not help with the executive issues.
selfhoster11 4y ago
I probably have ADHD or something similar, and have coped for nearly 30 years of my life with that. Let me just say, f*ck going through it all without help. The moment I get an official diagnosis, I’m getting on meds. I don’t know what the side effects are, but I struggle to imagine that they are worse than barely being able to function as an adult IT professional.
- sph 4y ago
  Good luck my friend. A bad day on meds is at least as productive as a good day without. Invest in your mental health. (Diagnosed 1 year ago)
techstrategist 4y ago
thanks for this.
peepee1982 4y ago
Just as an FYI: I recently started working on my CPTSD by reading stuff by Pete Walker and watching interviews with Gabor Mate. My symptoms have been significantly mitigated. My overall mental health has improved massively, too. Full disclosure: I've been taking Escitalopram and Wellbutrin for a few years now. I've been working on my CPTSD for a few weeks. EDIT: Of course I don't just consume the material. I actively engage with my suppressed emotions to heal.
brailsafe 4y ago
I think this is a nice sentiment, but how did you get there? Truly, I'm desperate for the answer. Problem is, even if you're perfectly comfortable with your own limitations, and being transparent about them, graduating up through the ranks as a software dev IC or w/e means meeting or managing the expectations that higher ups unempathetically and unilaterally apply. You have to get pretty (extremely) lucky with having a space to advance in the ways that you can. The reality is that you do need to be sufficiently successful to get by, and that bar is getting higher as everything increases in cost. If the smallest piece of real estate in my city for example demands the salary of a senior faang dev to pay for, the pressure is hard to avoid.
- throwawaaarrgh 4y ago
  Remember that the pressure is being applied by yourself. Nobody is demanding that you buy a home, work at faang, climb the career ladder, etc, except you. Stop giving yourself a hard time. You wouldn't give others a hard time about their career [or lack of one], would you? The way I got there is: My goals were not very high. I made a crapton of personal projects and taught myself an insane amount by 19/20 so that I actually knew a good deal more technically and practically than some intermediate positions. I was overconfident and good at seeming very talented. I took jobs that didn't require a ton of technical or incredibly hard interviews. And I coasted for about the first 10 years. The next 10 I overworked myself because I thought I needed to, because I didn't want to do the job anymore and figured if I just did it better than anyone else I'd feel better about it. And finally I took jobs where I was literally making the world and people better. The whole time, I gave myself crap for not getting enough done, and much of the time felt bad for "wasting" my time. Now I realize that I have a ton of life left still and no particular goals in mind, so who cares if it's a waste as long as I can enjoy the waste? And I do (mostly) enjoy my job and my free time now. Sure I don't own a home and the things I want deem farther off than for many others. Same is true for many other people, and that's fine. Whatever happens is just life and it's OK. Just sucks that it took me so long to realize that who I am is fine and doesn't need fixing.
LoganDark 4y ago
I've never been diagnosed, but around two weeks ago some random soul on Reddit spotted some symptoms that might be signs of ADHD, or at least things that ADHD meds could help. I was provided this article: https://invisibleup.com/articles/27/ https://invisibleup.com/articles/27/ It is such an accurate description of something I've been struggling with my whole life without ever knowing it. I'm now waiting the weeks and weeks it takes to get a doctor's appointment; going to try for meds and maybe a diagnosis. I've already been formally diagnosed with autism, but ADHD never came up. If you have even a sneaking suspicion that you might have ADHD, read the article. It is absolutely an eye-opener.
- coolsank 4y ago
  oh man, i'm in my 30s and this is exactly how my daily life is. I grew up in a culture that didn't have much of an inclination of understanding what ADHD is and stuff, so I never bothered. I really need to get myself checked.
  - piva00 4y ago
    Same here. Both in age (mid-30s) to being exactly how my daily life is to the point of a culture that had a misguided opinion on ADHD. I shared before on HN that I'm still ongoing investigation with my therapist, after some 2-3 years of therapy and working around some anxiety issues I had we're narrowing it down to a very likely ADHD diagnosis. The more I read and educate myself about it the more I believe I might have it. It's still hard for me to properly accept that this might be it, and not that I have an inherent failure of character by never being able to keep my focus, motivation, planning, etc. as well as what others can. To be very honest, something inside me still don't want to believe that I very likely have ADHD, that part still shames me by telling that I'm just using this as a crutch for my failures, that it's just a convenient excuse for not being good enough at some mundane tasks. It's exhausting, I'm glad I'm finally getting help because for the past 3-4 years I have been on a steadily downwards spiral. It's been very gradual until I got to this point where I can definitely tell I'm suffering mentally because of it...
RHSman2 4y ago
'Only do what you can do, in your time, and be at peace.' This. Everyone has their own genius. Go find it. It might be
Smithalicious 4y ago
I'm gonna back you up here. My life is much better without the meds. I have no issues with people who do prefer being medicated, but as the comments to this show there's a weird non-acceptance of people who do not want to be medicated. Being on meds destroyed my creativity and emotional life, gave me devastating crashes every day and made me feel like I had to fit my entire life into the 6-12 hours a day they were active. If my career required me to go back on meds I would choose a different career, and that is just fine. Structuring your life so that it fits your unmedicated, natural self is just fine. Taking medication if it truly makes you happier is also just fine. Don't judge.

slothtrop 4y ago

Similar case here. In rational circles a study (or studies) came around showing that learning outcomes between the medicated and unmedicated are roughly the same even if testing performance is better on medication. Since I improved my sleep (and lowered distractions), I've had no issues performing or focusing as needed, at least as much as the next guy. I think the meds are a double-edged sword, and the compromise may be more appropriate for some than others. I also think even more strongly that despite real cases, ADHD medication is overprescribed in the West. If school was boring and I'm a daydreamer, do I need to be "corrected"?

just3ws 4y ago

Thanks, I really needed to be reminded of that this morning. I've been beating myself up over the same types of thinking and it can be hard sometimes.

darksaints 4y ago

I had dropped out of college three times, spent a short stint homeless, and had nothing but tumultuous relationships before I was diagnosed with ADHD and started medication. Now I can live life like a normal human. Please don't discourage others from taking medication to treat a very real illness.

nerdyadventurer 4y ago

Does your company know that you have ADHD? If so how was there response?

ReaLNero 4y ago

Why did you stop taking meds? Curious what would be your reasons against it.

throwawaaarrgh 4y ago
Mainly because I was also put on anti-depressants, anti-psychotics etc and it was making me much worse (sometimes parents are idiots). But before that the stimulants turned me into an emotionless zombie. Once the meds wore off, crying was a magical revelation, like, "oh! this is what feelings are like! this is awesome!"
resonious 4y ago
I'm not GP but I also stopped taking meds (actually recently for me, and I'm 27). I'm sure GP's reason is different. My reason was that I had realized that a lot of my old ADHD symptoms were actually still happening. I was still procrastinating, still getting stressed when forced to focus on stuff I don't care about, still forgetting stuff. As an experiment, I decided to keep lowering my dose to see what happens. I kept lowering it until 0 and basically nothing has changed. I still do great at my job, can study stuff I'm interested in, can function completely normally. Makes me wonder whether the effects had simply worn off after so long, or if it was placebo from the start.
- PragmaticPulp 4y ago
  > My reason was that I had realized that a lot of my old ADHD symptoms were actually still happening. I was still procrastinating, still getting stressed when forced to focus on stuff I don't care about, still forgetting stuff. Anecdotally, I've watched a lot of friends and colleagues go through this exact cycle: Going on meds and then just focusing more intensely on their distractions. I really think we're doing a disservice to all the people who get a prescription and get sent out the door without a more involved framework for how to use the meds as part of their ADHD treatment strategy rather than a presumed cure in a pill.
  - TeMPOraL 4y ago

yc-kraln 4y ago

I was diagnosed when I was six, and, like you, I dropped all meds at 17. Recently (as in, this year) through a combination of therapy and introspection, I realized that while indeed I was able to have a successful life, career, relationships without the medication, and that, yes, my coping mechanisms were satisfactory, I was punching myself in the face for no reason Last month I saw a psychiatrist and got a prescription for stimulant medication for the first time in 20 years. After a week I had to sit down and just cry: stuff which was difficult or stressful was just simple, and at the end of the day I have so much more energy to do things, to be present, to live my life. The medication is an aid, a crutch, sure, and I don't need it, but it makes my life better, easier, less stressful and less tiring. Why are you punching yourself in the face for no reason?

hacknewslogin 4y ago
I'm right there with you, getting medication that worked for me made a huge difference. I can now just get up and do a thing without feeling like I have to tear down a wall to do it. It doesn't hurt my brain to have my focus interrupted, and I can get back to what I was doing right away. The best explanation I've seen is this comic: https://teddit.net/r/ADHDmemes/comments/pmrh5d/quite_possibly_the_best_explanation_of_adhd_ive/ https://teddit.net/r/ADHDmemes/comments/pmrh5d/quite_possibl...
jethro_tell 4y ago
This is me, too. I grew up in a "Kids just don't want to learn any more, they all just take meds to fix behavior problems" household. I quit my meds when I was about 16/17 failed out of my last year of highschool, went on to become a construction foreman for huge projects managing crews of 30-40. During a layoff in 2009 because there was no construction, I installed linux on a laptop because I borked my OS and didn't have a key. Ended up getting a job as an ISP call center tech at a small ISP/hosting company a few months later, taught myself systems and networking administration and was running the whole place a few years later including the BGP peering, system automation, monitoring, and building. I went to work for a FANNG for a decade, Built some cool shit, have a few patents. When the pandemic hit, I really stopped for the first time and looked at what being able to perform at a high level was costing me and my family. 1. I was drinking too much, a small buzz would slow my mind down and let me focus on a single thing, It kinda works but at what cost? 2. I always knew what I needed to do, I understood how to build what I needed to build but there would be times, whole weeks, when I'd be unable to bring myself to read the docs I needed too or do what ever I needed to do, that would make me uneasy and lead to a lot of self-loathing. Not a great person for my family to be around during those times. 3. Always feeling like I needed to work but never working, so everything was an inconvenience because I should be getting something done at work but I wasn't, then things like dinner with my family felt like it might be taking away from some work I wasn't going to do anyways. 4. The lightning would strike, I'd find a deadline or whatever and I'd work, almost unbroken for days straight, online before my kids got up, get them to school, work, pick them up and make dinner/put to bed, work through the night or late into the night. 5. I'd build the thing I needed to and then I'd crash and be tired, and then I'd have a day or two to be the father and partner and person I wanted to be, but there's always the nagging feeling that next time, I'll be too late or won't pull it off . . .. I spent 2 years in therapy (starting before the pandemic) addressing the symptoms and working on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques to address a chemical imbalance in my brain. Working on being kind to myself, working on stress management, working on time management. Part way into the pandemic, I ended up quitting, realizing I just needed a break and I was working so much harder than any of my peers for a similar or worse output. Them mental overhead of keeping up was excessive. Eventually, I went back and got properly medicated. It was like a switch flipped. It took me a month or so, to get into it, but I found myself feeling like I could stop and be available for my kids whenever, because I started to realize, I could just turn my focus on and off whenever I wanted and I didn't have to wait for lightning to strike. The thing that's most beneficial is a bit unseen, I'm not carrying a burden of self-loathing, fear, anxiety on my back, all stressors that were a result of my inability to entirely control my focus and do the thing that I wanted to do when I wanted to. That invisible weight that I carried everywhere vanished. I've seen a marked improvement in my life over the last year or so. I'm a better father, partner, employee. I like myself for the first time in decades. This is long winded, but I wanted to put this out there because there are a lot of us in tech. having ADHD is actually a great way to get into tech, we find something we don't understand or a blocker and dig deep. I was just trying to find a way around a license key and ended up learning internet routing . . .. I have a very broad skill set because I'll dig deep on anything that walks by. I see many like myself. But if you find yourself in a cycle like this, go get help. Life doesn't have to be that hard.

californical 4y ago

Yeah I went through something similar, but recently started trying meds again. Not to take every day hopefully, but only in periods where I feel especially affected and want to be more productive. I feel it’s the best of both worlds, but will see how it goes and if I stick with ‘em. I think it’s good to experiment and figure out what works for you. I’m generally opposed to relying on drugs for things like this unless it’s really necessary, which is why I stopped taking meds for a while. But I’ve been having some real challenges recently with my focus & it’s been so frustrating. Hoping I’m able to find some sort of balance with it. Guess my point is that it’s ok to let the meds help you too, and it doesn’t need to be problematic. I think I resisted going back on medication for a while because I was thinking “I don’t need anything, I can get by just fine with no help from meds!!” And while that may be true, it can still make my life significantly less frustrating to take the help sometimes.

throwawaaarrgh 4y ago
I agree. I hope I didn't come off as anti-med; just wanted to share that we can be OK either way. Do what works for you, try different things, but be OK with however you end up, even if it's not as productive as you'd like.

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

hericium 4y ago

ADHD can be partially treated during childhood. The problem is when it goes undiagnosed for years. Your adult life may have looked much differently, would you not have been medicated earlier.

deleted 4y ago
[deleted]

elcritch 4y ago

> Regardless of anything else, I think the key thing to remember about ADHD is that you do not need to be a high-performing human being, at all, in life. You will forget things and get distracted and not get as much done. So what. You are still intelligent and caring and dedicated and responsible and a hard worker. Exactly! I was diagnosed later in life by which time I had experienced a significant amount of trauma expecting myself to be normal. Learning to embrace limitations and the "workarounds" needed to function helped me tremendously. Learning to "ride the waves" so to speak and working with your brain changes things day and night. The other part is learning to stand up for oneself. There's often a lot of undue criticism from others because you need to do things differently. Being constantly criticized because you forget what often amounts to trivial things is one of the worse "symptoms". Many people also associate "togetherness" on unrelated items with competence or ability. Of course there's basic tasks that need to be handled, but many folks view even "struggling" with such things as evidence of incompetence. For example, adhd'ers often pay a "tax" because they occasionally forget things at the grocery store, but at work they also tend to foresee certain problems long before others do. However many managers see or here about the former and ignore the latter and are too narrow in their mental models to comprehend the differences. It's also acceptable to ask for help for those weird things your brain refuses todo. I've asked people to "hit enter" for me just to short circuit a procrastination loop. Now I can actually do it "in my head" as a sorta role playing game. :) > Do not put pressure on yourself to live up to what someone else can do. Only do what you can do, in your time, and be at peace. Right on. Ironically doing this also lets your brain work better! Unfortunately this requires understanding from those around you too. Sometimes family members with undiagnosed adhd can be some of the worse due to internalizing all the normal criticisms. Its great seeing so many adhd'ers sharing actually helpful advice nowadays.

nicbou 4y ago
Riding the waves, great metaphor! When I stopped fighting them, my life got much easier. I found a way of working that suits this better.
jamiek88 4y ago
Your comment really, really moved me. And I identify so hard with the press enter anecdote. Thank you.

biggerChris 4y ago

mtsr 4y ago
The graveyards filled with former hobbies that many with ADHD can attest to tell a different story. One where perseverance through frustration is not only relevant to one’s career, but possibly also one’s happiness. Sure, acceptance of the limited arc of concentration and limited frustration tolerance is essential. But that doesn’t preclude people being happier when they become able to actually stick to things for a while when they want to.
- flakeoil 4y ago
  The issue with your reasoning is that what you describe is not ADHD. It's not a decease. It's nothing wrong. It's normal. It's human. It's pathetic to read about how people take drugs or want to take drugs because they have difficulties to focus on reading a book or focusing on a hobby or a boring job. Sure there are people who really have issues and really have ADHD, but in those cases it's pretty obvious. People want to take pills against obesity. People want to take pills to improve concentration. The easy path. Why not instead try regular exercise and >8h sleep per night? And no alcohol and drugs.
  - mtsr 4y ago
    Excuse me. Who are you to judge whether somebody else who’s seeing a therapist and getting prescriptions meds does or doesn’t have ADHD? Sure the tests used aren’t black and white, but the measuring stick of specific symptoms combined with “significant problems in at least three areas of life” does a reasonable job of selecting for actual patients. And we don’t prescribe meds to the self-diagnosed. One thing you are right about is that, like many psychological conditions, ADHD is a matter of degrees. Everyone can potentially be anxious at times, or sad, or distracted. But if it gets to a point where it impairs functioning in so many things, it might actually be a somatic issue.
  - notrealyme123 4y ago

baby 4y ago

As a noob, can you guys give me an idea of what it is to live with ADHD? My understanding is that focus is a spectrum and different people are on different spots on that spectrum. I always imagine that something becomes a condition and gets a name (like ADHD) once it becomes an issue in your life and prevents you from functioning in society. When I hear that you're a staff engineer it sorts of tells me that it's not really an issue for you? Not saying that you don't struggle with focus, but everybody is, I imagine that some people can't even hold a job because of their lack of focus though.

RHSman2 4y ago
Life falling apart and you go play in the woods ;)
Doxin 4y ago
> something becomes a condition and gets a name (like ADHD) once it becomes an issue in your life and prevents you from functioning in society. It gets named once it becomes an issue in life. It doesn't need to be as bad as being unable to function to get diagnosed.
nicbou 4y ago
It's a tough one, because the symptoms are relatable to most ("isn't that everybody?"). They're just more intense than for most, and come with unexpected "features" like executive disfunction. The intensity also varies from a person to another, and the severity depends on a person's lifestyle. The lack of focus is a lure, an oversimplification. It's not just "I can't focus on something I don't like to do". It's more like "halfway into making a cup of coffee, the most important thing in my life became to clean the pantry". Imagine running late, but stopping dead in your tracks with only one sock on, and answering an email. You know it's mad, but you can't help it. However if you have a job that's lenient enough, you can hide it well. I stopped treatment because I couldn't gather enough data. My job was too easy to know if it worked. It's still the case. Another thing is that a lot of people learned to cope with it for decades before getting diagnosed. Their life is full of alarms and error-catching mechanisms, so the symptoms are well-managed. If you know your strengths and weaknesses, you pick your battles. It's not an issue unless your battles are picked for you.

herbst 4y ago

Diagnosed with 25 or so, ADD however. Amphetamines made me even more guilt to function as a super human. And they would make me moody. I stopped and changed my work environment as well as my self pressure. I can be super functional and motivated sometimes, if I give myself enough time to get there. However, my partner is taking meds for her ADHD and for her it's honestly a life changer.

Kinrany 4y ago

This may solve the associated psychological issues for people that have them but does not help with the executive issues.

selfhoster11 4y ago

I probably have ADHD or something similar, and have coped for nearly 30 years of my life with that. Let me just say, f*ck going through it all without help. The moment I get an official diagnosis, I’m getting on meds. I don’t know what the side effects are, but I struggle to imagine that they are worse than barely being able to function as an adult IT professional.

sph 4y ago
Good luck my friend. A bad day on meds is at least as productive as a good day without. Invest in your mental health. (Diagnosed 1 year ago)

techstrategist 4y ago

thanks for this.

peepee1982 4y ago

Just as an FYI: I recently started working on my CPTSD by reading stuff by Pete Walker and watching interviews with Gabor Mate. My symptoms have been significantly mitigated. My overall mental health has improved massively, too. Full disclosure: I've been taking Escitalopram and Wellbutrin for a few years now. I've been working on my CPTSD for a few weeks. EDIT: Of course I don't just consume the material. I actively engage with my suppressed emotions to heal.

brailsafe 4y ago

I think this is a nice sentiment, but how did you get there? Truly, I'm desperate for the answer. Problem is, even if you're perfectly comfortable with your own limitations, and being transparent about them, graduating up through the ranks as a software dev IC or w/e means meeting or managing the expectations that higher ups unempathetically and unilaterally apply. You have to get pretty (extremely) lucky with having a space to advance in the ways that you can. The reality is that you do need to be sufficiently successful to get by, and that bar is getting higher as everything increases in cost. If the smallest piece of real estate in my city for example demands the salary of a senior faang dev to pay for, the pressure is hard to avoid.

throwawaaarrgh 4y ago
Remember that the pressure is being applied by yourself. Nobody is demanding that you buy a home, work at faang, climb the career ladder, etc, except you. Stop giving yourself a hard time. You wouldn't give others a hard time about their career [or lack of one], would you? The way I got there is: My goals were not very high. I made a crapton of personal projects and taught myself an insane amount by 19/20 so that I actually knew a good deal more technically and practically than some intermediate positions. I was overconfident and good at seeming very talented. I took jobs that didn't require a ton of technical or incredibly hard interviews. And I coasted for about the first 10 years. The next 10 I overworked myself because I thought I needed to, because I didn't want to do the job anymore and figured if I just did it better than anyone else I'd feel better about it. And finally I took jobs where I was literally making the world and people better. The whole time, I gave myself crap for not getting enough done, and much of the time felt bad for "wasting" my time. Now I realize that I have a ton of life left still and no particular goals in mind, so who cares if it's a waste as long as I can enjoy the waste? And I do (mostly) enjoy my job and my free time now. Sure I don't own a home and the things I want deem farther off than for many others. Same is true for many other people, and that's fine. Whatever happens is just life and it's OK. Just sucks that it took me so long to realize that who I am is fine and doesn't need fixing.

LoganDark 4y ago

I've never been diagnosed, but around two weeks ago some random soul on Reddit spotted some symptoms that might be signs of ADHD, or at least things that ADHD meds could help. I was provided this article: https://invisibleup.com/articles/27/ https://invisibleup.com/articles/27/ It is such an accurate description of something I've been struggling with my whole life without ever knowing it. I'm now waiting the weeks and weeks it takes to get a doctor's appointment; going to try for meds and maybe a diagnosis. I've already been formally diagnosed with autism, but ADHD never came up. If you have even a sneaking suspicion that you might have ADHD, read the article. It is absolutely an eye-opener.

coolsank 4y ago
oh man, i'm in my 30s and this is exactly how my daily life is. I grew up in a culture that didn't have much of an inclination of understanding what ADHD is and stuff, so I never bothered. I really need to get myself checked.
- piva00 4y ago
  Same here. Both in age (mid-30s) to being exactly how my daily life is to the point of a culture that had a misguided opinion on ADHD. I shared before on HN that I'm still ongoing investigation with my therapist, after some 2-3 years of therapy and working around some anxiety issues I had we're narrowing it down to a very likely ADHD diagnosis. The more I read and educate myself about it the more I believe I might have it. It's still hard for me to properly accept that this might be it, and not that I have an inherent failure of character by never being able to keep my focus, motivation, planning, etc. as well as what others can. To be very honest, something inside me still don't want to believe that I very likely have ADHD, that part still shames me by telling that I'm just using this as a crutch for my failures, that it's just a convenient excuse for not being good enough at some mundane tasks. It's exhausting, I'm glad I'm finally getting help because for the past 3-4 years I have been on a steadily downwards spiral. It's been very gradual until I got to this point where I can definitely tell I'm suffering mentally because of it...

RHSman2 4y ago

'Only do what you can do, in your time, and be at peace.' This. Everyone has their own genius. Go find it. It might be

Smithalicious 4y ago

I'm gonna back you up here. My life is much better without the meds. I have no issues with people who do prefer being medicated, but as the comments to this show there's a weird non-acceptance of people who do not want to be medicated. Being on meds destroyed my creativity and emotional life, gave me devastating crashes every day and made me feel like I had to fit my entire life into the 6-12 hours a day they were active. If my career required me to go back on meds I would choose a different career, and that is just fine. Structuring your life so that it fits your unmedicated, natural self is just fine. Taking medication if it truly makes you happier is also just fine. Don't judge.