Having grown up poor & not a particularly attractive person every time I went somewhere (nice restaurant, store, bar, game) my inner monologue told me it was a

Having grown up poor & not a particularly attractive person every time I went somewhere (nice restaurant, store, bar, game) my inner monologue told me it was a waste of money, I should be working not relaxing and that people that belonged didn't want me there. Hard to enjoy something when this is your mentality. The attractive, well off person showed me that spending within reason wasn't something to have anxiety over, relaxation is the payoff to working hard and in almost all cases no one really cares if you're there (it's all in your own head). The most tangible example is, we would go to a nice restaurant, the host would seat us (I was happy), she would ask for a table near the window or one away from the kitchen door (no hesitation). She would always order a fun or adventurous appetizer to try new things and not finish it if she didn't like it (we always ate everything on our plates no matter what). Also if things were taking too long. she never chalked it up to we're being slighted, she was just relaxed and filled the time with conversation To use an analogy, if we were both in a river, I was anxiously fighting against, she was gliding with flow