3 ms·

"I'm missing someone to share it with." That's what's stopping me. I was effectively retired before I had kids. Unfortunately, I want certain things for the

"I'm missing someone to share it with." That's what's stopping me. I was effectively retired before I had kids. Unfortunately, I want certain things for the people I love: - My kids to be close to their grandparents (and my wife to be close to her parents), who live in the most expensive metro area in the country and aren't likely to move because their other child now has a home & job here. - My kids to have good schools where they'll get the academic & cultural base they need to be successful in STEM or business fields, should they choose to go that route. - My family to not be an outcast because of their race. (I'm mixed-race and so am not going to fit into racial categories no matter where I go, but my kids basically look Asian and it's important for my wife to be around people near her.) - My wife and I to be close enough to keep up our old friendships. - Given that I've got to work to afford #1-4, being able to do so in a field that I'm good at, with people that I enjoy working with and a work culture that respects me. Community and relationships create entanglements. If you are willing to optimize only for your own happiness, you can often reach a significantly higher happiness bar then if you have to compromise for the people around you. Unfortunately, it also means you are optimizing only for your own happiness, which creates its own form of unhappiness.

mod 4y ago
I'm also "effectively retired" so that makes being out here for long stretches pretty easy. I own a bar, but I have 4-hour-work-weeked myself out of any steady obligations there. Of course, I'm working way harder out here improving the land than I ever would at the bar. I'm a bit of a loner so it's easy for me to be out here. I visit my dad about every week, and that's plenty. My mom lives 1200 miles away, so I guess I have to choose. I don't actually have kids yet, so less of a concern at this point. I'd really like to find someone compatible with this lifestyle, but I would be willing to give it up under the right circumstances. My favorite thing out here is the freedom, and I can approximate that in many other places. [Outcasts] I think the fears of racial tensions are mostly over-hyped. I'm not saying you'd never run into some overt racist out here, but the population density here is 8.8/sq mi. Compared to the 18,635/sq mi in San Francisico and I don't know...the odds seem greatly reduced, even if the racists are 10 times more likely (which they aren't IMO). I've only met good people so far, in my 7 years here. You get to choose where you interact, and so I've chosen places like Scouts, the school, and a volunteer group that protects our national river here. Great people in all 3 places. That said, it's very homogeneous in my particular county. I'm sure there's differences across the country, though. [Friendships] I've considered moving over friendships. One, actually. I just don't want to move "back home" (Florida). I visit that friend for almost a month per year, though. [Work] Yeah. I also worked remotely from here for a few years, and that went well. But there's no way I could have an office job & commute here. No way. Your last paragraph is on the nose, and I'm definitely struggling with that. It winds up making me feel tied to several places and pulled in many directions. I also have diverse interests/hobbies/talents that do the same. Anyway not trying to change your mind. I like the 8.8. And honestly I agree with all your points. Maybe my life will be wildly different if I meet someone. I better hurry up, I'm about to age-out!

mod 4y ago

I'm also "effectively retired" so that makes being out here for long stretches pretty easy. I own a bar, but I have 4-hour-work-weeked myself out of any steady obligations there. Of course, I'm working way harder out here improving the land than I ever would at the bar. I'm a bit of a loner so it's easy for me to be out here. I visit my dad about every week, and that's plenty. My mom lives 1200 miles away, so I guess I have to choose. I don't actually have kids yet, so less of a concern at this point. I'd really like to find someone compatible with this lifestyle, but I would be willing to give it up under the right circumstances. My favorite thing out here is the freedom, and I can approximate that in many other places. [Outcasts] I think the fears of racial tensions are mostly over-hyped. I'm not saying you'd never run into some overt racist out here, but the population density here is 8.8/sq mi. Compared to the 18,635/sq mi in San Francisico and I don't know...the odds seem greatly reduced, even if the racists are 10 times more likely (which they aren't IMO). I've only met good people so far, in my 7 years here. You get to choose where you interact, and so I've chosen places like Scouts, the school, and a volunteer group that protects our national river here. Great people in all 3 places. That said, it's very homogeneous in my particular county. I'm sure there's differences across the country, though. [Friendships] I've considered moving over friendships. One, actually. I just don't want to move "back home" (Florida). I visit that friend for almost a month per year, though. [Work] Yeah. I also worked remotely from here for a few years, and that went well. But there's no way I could have an office job & commute here. No way. Your last paragraph is on the nose, and I'm definitely struggling with that. It winds up making me feel tied to several places and pulled in many directions. I also have diverse interests/hobbies/talents that do the same. Anyway not trying to change your mind. I like the 8.8. And honestly I agree with all your points. Maybe my life will be wildly different if I meet someone. I better hurry up, I'm about to age-out!