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So if I call a Black person the N-word or address a Jewish person with an antisemitic slur, and this bothers them because it reminds them of how society has lon

So if I call a Black person the N-word or address a Jewish person with an antisemitic slur, and this bothers them because it reminds them of how society has long dehumanised them and enslaved and murdered their peers simply for being born into that classification, etc, it is as much their fault for not having a handle on their hormones as it is mine for having said that thing? It may be the case that some of us can choose whether or not to be offended in any kind of circumstance, but that doesn’t prove everybody can, just like many people not simply being able to think themselves out of major clinical depression. It would be strange to blame them for this. Edit: grammar

vitiral 4y ago
I would say most theories are overly simplistic for classifying humans. However here are a few I've found helpful. 1. Your feelings typically say more about yourself than about another person. Use them for self reflection. 2. Feeling wronged when someone is an asshole is just. Learn to create boundaries and find ways to separate yourself from such people, both physically and emotionally. 3. Very few things are made better by being obsessively angry. Learn what is causing your anger, work through it and confront people you want to keep a relationship with. Most of all, try to always give others the benefit of the doubt, and if they ask forgiveness grant it. If they prove themselves repeatedly unreliable than form the appropriate boundaries, but still treat them with the respect that any person deserves.
- Maursault 4y ago
  > Feeling wronged when someone is an asshole is just. "When someone hurts you, be hurt." This is not the way. Instead, be tough and say, nothing can hurt me.[1] [1] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/sticks-and-stones-may-break-my-bones-but-words-can-never-hurt-me https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/stick...
exmadscientist 4y ago
A wise man once told me (and others), never get offended. Being offended is just you with your dander up. It doesn't do anything other than ruin your day. So instead of getting offended, he said, get even. Work to make whatever was offending you stop or change. That's a good use of your energy. Spouting the vitriol of offense... isn't. I've never seen taking offense the same way since hearing that.
Maursault 4y ago
> it is as much their fault for not having a handle on their hormones as it is mine for having said that thing? Your comment is a loaded straw man, and you've confused being offensive and taking offense as a single event when it is two separate and distinct events. I never said anything about fault. I only referred to responsibility. Ultimately, we are each responsible for our own actions. Taking offense is an action. Even if an individual's emotional response is involuntary, that individual alone is responsible for their emotion. I can tell you that being thin-skinned is just as much a symptom of mental illness as being offensive, and they usually go hand-in-hand: the most offensive individuals are usually also the most overly sensitive individuals.
- deleted 4y ago
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vitiral 4y ago

I would say most theories are overly simplistic for classifying humans. However here are a few I've found helpful. 1. Your feelings typically say more about yourself than about another person. Use them for self reflection. 2. Feeling wronged when someone is an asshole is just. Learn to create boundaries and find ways to separate yourself from such people, both physically and emotionally. 3. Very few things are made better by being obsessively angry. Learn what is causing your anger, work through it and confront people you want to keep a relationship with. Most of all, try to always give others the benefit of the doubt, and if they ask forgiveness grant it. If they prove themselves repeatedly unreliable than form the appropriate boundaries, but still treat them with the respect that any person deserves.

Maursault 4y ago
> Feeling wronged when someone is an asshole is just. "When someone hurts you, be hurt." This is not the way. Instead, be tough and say, nothing can hurt me.[1] [1] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/sticks-and-stones-may-break-my-bones-but-words-can-never-hurt-me https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/stick...

exmadscientist 4y ago

A wise man once told me (and others), never get offended. Being offended is just you with your dander up. It doesn't do anything other than ruin your day. So instead of getting offended, he said, get even. Work to make whatever was offending you stop or change. That's a good use of your energy. Spouting the vitriol of offense... isn't. I've never seen taking offense the same way since hearing that.

Maursault 4y ago

> it is as much their fault for not having a handle on their hormones as it is mine for having said that thing? Your comment is a loaded straw man, and you've confused being offensive and taking offense as a single event when it is two separate and distinct events. I never said anything about fault. I only referred to responsibility. Ultimately, we are each responsible for our own actions. Taking offense is an action. Even if an individual's emotional response is involuntary, that individual alone is responsible for their emotion. I can tell you that being thin-skinned is just as much a symptom of mental illness as being offensive, and they usually go hand-in-hand: the most offensive individuals are usually also the most overly sensitive individuals.

deleted 4y ago
[deleted]