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Larry has all sorts of questionable qualities, and there are plenty of reasons to leave (or use) Oracle, but some person being arbitrarily dismissive isn't real

by jasmer 4y ago

Larry has all sorts of questionable qualities, and there are plenty of reasons to leave (or use) Oracle, but some person being arbitrarily dismissive isn't really one of them. Unless the dismissiveness was over something very material. "I would like to think it cost him at least a few of his racing yachts." - because the CEO/Director of a massive multinational conglomerate with 100 000 employees didn't arbitrarily have time for you? Also - and this may have nothing to do with your experience - but for some reason some people feel as though they have the 'right' to other people's attention. The more influence people have the more people come out of the woods with this. I do not envy anyone with an iota of influence or popularity, it's a constant stream of people demanding their focus, any one of which may or may not interpret something some way, or even take an actual real slight out of proportion. Also I find that people are bad at interpreting the state of mind of others. Of course it's probably a good thing to move away from Oracle anyhow ...

BizarroLand 4y ago
I would counter that if you are at a networking function with your customers that you should consider yourself the face of your company and act accordingly. I don't blame them for developing a dislike for Oracle after an Oracle representative mistreated them. Their whole purpose in being there was to put face time in with past and future customers and engender positive connections and they failed.
- Maursault 4y ago
  I would say two things were equally wrong in the OPs anecdote: one person was offensive, and one person was offended. While it seems just to entirely blame the offensive person, ego is a thing not good and taking offense is a choice. Unless physically striking someone, it is not possible to hurt someone's feelings. Feelings are important, no doubt, but feelings are entirely the responsibility of the feeler. One may have to think about where feelings come from and how they are actually caused to realize this. Every individual is responsible for their own actions and themselves, for their own body, and for their own body's releases of their own hormones, adrenaline, noradrenaline, cortisol, or whatever it is that is the actual functional cause of the feelings. Taking offense is just as bad as offending. Humility, ducks back, this is ideally what should occur when someone is offensive, but... of course, people should not be offensive, either, they should be kind and empathetic. No one is perfect, but if they have two cheeks, one always has the opportunity to emulate perfection. A lot of people are rude jerks sometimes, but rather than taking offense, we can choose to be awesome instead.
  - kranner 4y ago
    So if I call a Black person the N-word or address a Jewish person with an antisemitic slur, and this bothers them because it reminds them of how society has long dehumanised them and enslaved and murdered their peers simply for being born into that classification, etc, it is as much their fault for not having a handle on their hormones as it is mine for having said that thing? It may be the case that some of us can choose whether or not to be offended in any kind of circumstance, but that doesn’t prove everybody can, just like many people not simply being able to think themselves out of major clinical depression. It would be strange to blame them for this. Edit: grammar
    - vitiral 4y ago
      I would say most theories are overly simplistic for classifying humans. However here are a few I've found helpful. 1. Your feelings typically say more about yourself than about another person. Use them for self reflection. 2. Feeling wronged when someone is an asshole is just. Learn to create boundaries and find ways to separate yourself from such people, both physically and emotionally. 3. Very few things are made better by being obsessively angry. Learn what is causing your anger, work through it and confront people you want to keep a relationship with. Most of all, try to always give others the benefit of the doubt, and if they ask forgiveness grant it. If they prove themselves repeatedly unreliable than form the appropriate boundaries, but still treat them with the respect that any person deserves.
      - Maursault 4y ago
        > Feeling wronged when someone is an asshole is just. "When someone hurts you, be hurt." This is not the way. Instead, be tough and say, nothing can hurt me.[1] [1] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/sticks-and-stones-may-break-my-bones-but-words-can-never-hurt-me https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/stick...
    - exmadscientist 4y ago
      A wise man once told me (and others), never get offended. Being offended is just you with your dander up. It doesn't do anything other than ruin your day. So instead of getting offended, he said, get even. Work to make whatever was offending you stop or change. That's a good use of your energy. Spouting the vitriol of offense... isn't. I've never seen taking offense the same way since hearing that.
cinntaile 4y ago
I feel like you skipped the core of his message and replied to something else entirely. It's the second sentence.
tinus_hn 4y ago
> because the CEO/Director of a massive multinational conglomerate with 100 000 employees didn't arbitrarily have time for you? The whole point of inviting people to such an event is to make them feel that the CEO does have time for them. Why else would he even be there?

by jasmer 4y ago

BizarroLand 4y ago

I would counter that if you are at a networking function with your customers that you should consider yourself the face of your company and act accordingly. I don't blame them for developing a dislike for Oracle after an Oracle representative mistreated them. Their whole purpose in being there was to put face time in with past and future customers and engender positive connections and they failed.

Maursault 4y ago
I would say two things were equally wrong in the OPs anecdote: one person was offensive, and one person was offended. While it seems just to entirely blame the offensive person, ego is a thing not good and taking offense is a choice. Unless physically striking someone, it is not possible to hurt someone's feelings. Feelings are important, no doubt, but feelings are entirely the responsibility of the feeler. One may have to think about where feelings come from and how they are actually caused to realize this. Every individual is responsible for their own actions and themselves, for their own body, and for their own body's releases of their own hormones, adrenaline, noradrenaline, cortisol, or whatever it is that is the actual functional cause of the feelings. Taking offense is just as bad as offending. Humility, ducks back, this is ideally what should occur when someone is offensive, but... of course, people should not be offensive, either, they should be kind and empathetic. No one is perfect, but if they have two cheeks, one always has the opportunity to emulate perfection. A lot of people are rude jerks sometimes, but rather than taking offense, we can choose to be awesome instead.
- kranner 4y ago
  So if I call a Black person the N-word or address a Jewish person with an antisemitic slur, and this bothers them because it reminds them of how society has long dehumanised them and enslaved and murdered their peers simply for being born into that classification, etc, it is as much their fault for not having a handle on their hormones as it is mine for having said that thing? It may be the case that some of us can choose whether or not to be offended in any kind of circumstance, but that doesn’t prove everybody can, just like many people not simply being able to think themselves out of major clinical depression. It would be strange to blame them for this. Edit: grammar
  - vitiral 4y ago
    I would say most theories are overly simplistic for classifying humans. However here are a few I've found helpful. 1. Your feelings typically say more about yourself than about another person. Use them for self reflection. 2. Feeling wronged when someone is an asshole is just. Learn to create boundaries and find ways to separate yourself from such people, both physically and emotionally. 3. Very few things are made better by being obsessively angry. Learn what is causing your anger, work through it and confront people you want to keep a relationship with. Most of all, try to always give others the benefit of the doubt, and if they ask forgiveness grant it. If they prove themselves repeatedly unreliable than form the appropriate boundaries, but still treat them with the respect that any person deserves.
    - Maursault 4y ago
      > Feeling wronged when someone is an asshole is just. "When someone hurts you, be hurt." This is not the way. Instead, be tough and say, nothing can hurt me.[1] [1] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/sticks-and-stones-may-break-my-bones-but-words-can-never-hurt-me https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/stick...
  - exmadscientist 4y ago
    A wise man once told me (and others), never get offended. Being offended is just you with your dander up. It doesn't do anything other than ruin your day. So instead of getting offended, he said, get even. Work to make whatever was offending you stop or change. That's a good use of your energy. Spouting the vitriol of offense... isn't. I've never seen taking offense the same way since hearing that.

cinntaile 4y ago

I feel like you skipped the core of his message and replied to something else entirely. It's the second sentence.

tinus_hn 4y ago

> because the CEO/Director of a massive multinational conglomerate with 100 000 employees didn't arbitrarily have time for you? The whole point of inviting people to such an event is to make them feel that the CEO does have time for them. Why else would he even be there?