As long as you're living someone else's life, not yours, you will feel suffocated and more and more trapped into externalities, and eventually you get depressed

As long as you're living someone else's life, not yours, you will feel suffocated and more and more trapped into externalities, and eventually you get depressed and see no point whatsoever in anything. When you said that it helped when you realized that suicide is a perfectly valid option and you're free to choose it or dismiss it as you see fit, you touched your own life. The one you could continue or end, the one where your choices actually affect yourself only. I think it's better to contemplate whether to end your own life than to try to live someone else's. Then you're bound to realize that your life will steer towards what you decide and what you think, instead of as if your life was a car that's being chauffeured along a predefined route that you don't particularly like.