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Some of the answers from the article: > “Married people may be much more likely to have these conversations around what goals they have for their financial fut

Some of the answers from the article: > “Married people may be much more likely to have these conversations around what goals they have for their financial future,” she said. “There seems to be something very special and unique about deciding to share finances.” > Unmarried couples may be less willing to commingle their money, said Prof. Garbinsky. The number one cause of divorce in America is money fights and money problems ( per https://www.k-state.edu/media/newsreleases/jul13/predictingdivorce71113.html https://www.k-state.edu/media/newsreleases/jul13/predictingd... ) Couples who pool their finances increase relationship satisfaction - especially in low income families - per https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-42962-001 https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2022-42962-001 Combining accounts is something my wife and I decided to do right away when we got married. It's way less complicated than the alternative. We don't have fights about money. We talk about big purchases before we make them. Since she's more of a free spirit to my money nerd, sometimes I have a little trouble bringing her to family budget reviews, but eventually she finds some time to talk. Reviewing our budget/financial health gives us an opportunity to talk about our future financial plans, what we want to be able to afford, our hopes and dreams. And we never have to think about who's going to pay for what out of what account. The money earned in the family isn't "her money" and "my money", it's our money.

brailsafe 4y ago
Wouldn't your lack of bad conflict regarding money be less about the fact that you combined finances, and more about you yielding to the conflict and accepting its presence in a different way? Based on your choice of words, it seems like budgeting is a option rather than critical, so if that's the case, how would you approach things if both of you needed to have the same relationship with spending? It would seem to me like combining finances would only lead to less actual conflict (good or bad) if you've both already synchronized your relationship to the money coming in, rather than a solution in itself.
- odysseus 4y ago
  > Wouldn't your lack of bad conflict regarding money be less about the fact that you combined finances, and more about you yielding to the conflict and accepting its presence in a different way? A simpler way to put it is we communicate with each other our plans for the use of our money, especially when it concerns larger amounts. And it's easier to think of it being "our money" when it's pooled in shared accounts. > Based on your choice of words, it seems like budgeting is a option rather than critical, so if that's the case, how would you approach things if both of you needed to have the same relationship with spending? What do you mean by "needed to have the same relationship with spending"? Whether we budget or not depends on our financial circumstances. In leaner times, budgets become critical. Most of all, it's a monthly opportunity to talk about the family's financial health and spending/saving/giving priorities. If somebody is spending too much or conversely, being too thrifty, we talk about it. > It would seem to me like combining finances would only lead to less actual conflict (good or bad) if you've both already synchronized your relationship to the money coming in, rather than a solution in itself. I don't fully understand what you mean by "synchronizing your relationship to the money coming in". If it's a fancy way of saying "we talk about the money we earn and how we spend/save/give it", then yes, we do. I agree that pooling finances is not the whole solution. The main solution/bad conflict preventer is thoughtful communication and trust. To use a git/coding analogy, studies have shown the act of combining finances is a small (but important) commit on the trunk of your overall commitment to each other in marriage.
  - brailsafe 4y ago
    I think your first clarification answered my question. It just seemed like you were saying something along the lines of "I'm interested in being diligent about the finances, and she pays less attention but occasionally agrees to talk about it" which would indicate there's some level of disagreement in spending patterns from the same pool of cash. But I think that was just a misinterpretation of how you initially phrased your comment and I'd agree with your last paragraph.
    - odysseus 4y ago
      In most (but definitely not all) relationships, one person is more diligent about finances, and the other person is a bit of a free spirit ("budgets are boring"). Is there disagreement? Sure. But not at budget reviews - we agree on shared goals. More at the level of "I'm thinking of buying a ..." We check each other. Sometimes we convince the other to not to buy something, other times it's totally OK, and in a few, we compromise/disagree and commit. Each person understands the financial + practical consequences in that last case. The important thing is there's easygoing communication happening before big money actually gets spent (or not spent). There's no hiding purchases (or accounts) from the other person. Everything is out in the open. There's also "blow money" / "fun money" - a sum allocated to each spouse that they can spend or save on whatever they want - no discussion necessary. ----- (I have relatives that are both free spirits, and in that case, it's tough to see so much money flying out the window. But they keep their income up, and they also automate a lot of their savings so they don't have to think about it.)
aradox66 4y ago
Regular check ins, whether or not there is an "issue", is a good way to keep a big issue from arising.
- m463 4y ago
  and a budget
bergenty 4y ago
That’s stupid. We don’t combine anything and my wife asks for permission each time she needs to buy something. Works flawlessly.
- bradknowles 4y ago
  That's stupid. We combine everything, neither of us asks permission for anything. Works flawlessly.

brailsafe 4y ago

Wouldn't your lack of bad conflict regarding money be less about the fact that you combined finances, and more about you yielding to the conflict and accepting its presence in a different way? Based on your choice of words, it seems like budgeting is a option rather than critical, so if that's the case, how would you approach things if both of you needed to have the same relationship with spending? It would seem to me like combining finances would only lead to less actual conflict (good or bad) if you've both already synchronized your relationship to the money coming in, rather than a solution in itself.

odysseus 4y ago
> Wouldn't your lack of bad conflict regarding money be less about the fact that you combined finances, and more about you yielding to the conflict and accepting its presence in a different way? A simpler way to put it is we communicate with each other our plans for the use of our money, especially when it concerns larger amounts. And it's easier to think of it being "our money" when it's pooled in shared accounts. > Based on your choice of words, it seems like budgeting is a option rather than critical, so if that's the case, how would you approach things if both of you needed to have the same relationship with spending? What do you mean by "needed to have the same relationship with spending"? Whether we budget or not depends on our financial circumstances. In leaner times, budgets become critical. Most of all, it's a monthly opportunity to talk about the family's financial health and spending/saving/giving priorities. If somebody is spending too much or conversely, being too thrifty, we talk about it. > It would seem to me like combining finances would only lead to less actual conflict (good or bad) if you've both already synchronized your relationship to the money coming in, rather than a solution in itself. I don't fully understand what you mean by "synchronizing your relationship to the money coming in". If it's a fancy way of saying "we talk about the money we earn and how we spend/save/give it", then yes, we do. I agree that pooling finances is not the whole solution. The main solution/bad conflict preventer is thoughtful communication and trust. To use a git/coding analogy, studies have shown the act of combining finances is a small (but important) commit on the trunk of your overall commitment to each other in marriage.
- brailsafe 4y ago
  I think your first clarification answered my question. It just seemed like you were saying something along the lines of "I'm interested in being diligent about the finances, and she pays less attention but occasionally agrees to talk about it" which would indicate there's some level of disagreement in spending patterns from the same pool of cash. But I think that was just a misinterpretation of how you initially phrased your comment and I'd agree with your last paragraph.
  - odysseus 4y ago
    In most (but definitely not all) relationships, one person is more diligent about finances, and the other person is a bit of a free spirit ("budgets are boring"). Is there disagreement? Sure. But not at budget reviews - we agree on shared goals. More at the level of "I'm thinking of buying a ..." We check each other. Sometimes we convince the other to not to buy something, other times it's totally OK, and in a few, we compromise/disagree and commit. Each person understands the financial + practical consequences in that last case. The important thing is there's easygoing communication happening before big money actually gets spent (or not spent). There's no hiding purchases (or accounts) from the other person. Everything is out in the open. There's also "blow money" / "fun money" - a sum allocated to each spouse that they can spend or save on whatever they want - no discussion necessary. ----- (I have relatives that are both free spirits, and in that case, it's tough to see so much money flying out the window. But they keep their income up, and they also automate a lot of their savings so they don't have to think about it.)

aradox66 4y ago

Regular check ins, whether or not there is an "issue", is a good way to keep a big issue from arising.

m463 4y ago
and a budget

bergenty 4y ago

That’s stupid. We don’t combine anything and my wife asks for permission each time she needs to buy something. Works flawlessly.

bradknowles 4y ago
That's stupid. We combine everything, neither of us asks permission for anything. Works flawlessly.