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Hello - Be present at all times while the baby is being born. If for any reason your wife passes out, she may have some trauma because of it (a much stronger f
by humanfromearth9 4y ago
Hello
- Be present at all times while the baby is being born. If for any reason your wife passes out, she may have some trauma because of it (a much stronger form of post-partum depression), and it will help (tremendously) (if she trusts you) if she knows that you were there, as a witness to everything that happened. Just don't leave her, and also be ready, if necessary to receive the baby on your own torso if your wife can't do it (that's to avoid trauma/fear for the baby).
- I think that this is literally the most important recommendation one may make: Probably the most traumatizing experience of children is not being raised by their parents. Do everything you can to never leave your wife or to never have her leave you. And always be present for your children. In my experience, people who were raised by their two parents have much less problems in society than those whose parents (even just one) were absent. This is to such an extent that less brilliant people will have much better careers that absolutely stunningly intelligent people who had issues with their parents. Even if one loses a parent because of sudden death due to some random accident, one will feel betrayed in the deepest way (Why did you have to die? Why aren't you here when I need you?): it's difficult to overcome this and not become too defensive.
- Trauma as a child is how you make sociopaths and maybe also psychopaths (mentally ill - real illness, not just inappropriate behavior). Avoid exposing your children to traumatizing situations. If they are, do your best to guide them out of the trauma: recognize it, tell them it's OK to fell like they feel, find professional help to handle this.
- Children have their own personality, they are not you. The best you can do is see them as young, friendly companions in your life. Guide them, direct them, always having fun. Let them choose, but orient the way they choose. Let them experience things early, that's the best way to learn. Provide many hugs, be physically close. Allow them to rest on you. Allow them to cry, but not to be too loud. Tears are OK, screaming is not.
- In the evening, every day, lay in their bed close to them them before they sleep and talk with them, ask them about their day, how they felt... This reminds them on a daily basis that they count in your life, that you are interested in them. You'll also enjoy these moments. And you'll learn a lot about them and their relations to other people and children. It's really funny.
- Always expect just a bit more than they are able to provide, but don't punish.
- From the beginning, explain everything. They'll quickly understand. I promise you'll be surprised how mature they'll be.
- At the same time, allow them to be children. My son (almost 5) loves super heroes, but he also still enjoys Mickey Mouse shows for young children - that's OK, it won't harm him, even if you know he's able to watch more complex stuff.
- Read every day (part of) a story to them. That might be the most predictive thing to ensure good results at school.
Don't stress. How it goes is simple: up to the birth of your first child, you don't know anything about parenting. As soon as the baby is born, you become a master in parenting and know everything. It's like a two-states system with no in-between =).
In the same way, babies understand everything about life, until they learn to speak: they understand the pleasures of sleeping, eating, being taken care of, being in the arms of their parents, cuddling etc. They are so smart that they almost always know how to get what they want (scream and cry). They live to eat, to poop and pee, to sleep and to sometimes laugh (isn't that wonderful?).
Then suddenly, it goes away. They somehow become dumb and you have to educate them and teach them everything. And somehow, that's the begin of the most interesting part of being a parent.
Congratulations and have fun!