3 ms·

I am passionate about not working and finally doing some hobbies and being a lazy slob at least once a year. At 42 years old I am nowhere near close any of that

I am passionate about not working and finally doing some hobbies and being a lazy slob at least once a year. At 42 years old I am nowhere near close any of that though and I am slowly losing hope and despairing. But it's the world we're living in, nobody is giving you money for existing so what can you do. I am severely burned out and me switching jobs in the last several years didn't help because I don't want to work no matter where I am, perpetuating the vicious cycle. Heed this warning, everybody who reads this: learn finances and contracting and negotiations EXTREMELY EARLY in your life. At 22 you should be an expert. If not you'll be a loser like myself who can achieve literally 90% of what any programming task might require of him but has zero savings and is crippled by a burn-out. Also... try not to be born in a family where the parents are more busy with physically fighting each other and not with raising the kids. :D It helps. I am grinding hard at my new job and I'll also try to pursue a side hustle with much more money potential. Even though I'd prefer to go somewhere with my wife and not think of any work for 3 years but alas, and again, this is not the world we live in. Having strong technical intelligence does not correlate with success. Took me 90% of my conscious life to even realize it. Don't be stupid like me.

plonk 4y ago
Why not move to a tech hub and start a challenging job? If you're technically good, I don't think your current lack of money would block you. You sound like you'd have a lot of motivation if you got out of your current local minimum. Making a big life change tends to do that.
- pdimitar 4y ago
  I am really not sure. I am not looking for more responsibility and more pressure on my psyche right now. I am very capable and have proven it in numerous projects but I honestly need to dial down the responsibility... Not sure how one breaks this loop though.
  - plonk 4y ago
    Well I've been stuck like that a few times (still very young though), and changing cities/states/countries has always been the best way to get out of it. There are probably IC positions that don't cause Amazon-style stress while being technically interesting. Just a thought.
    - pdimitar 4y ago
      But that's just the thing: "more technically interesting" has a big intersection with "mentally exhausting". And sadly the things I'd code with a smile on my face don't look at all lucrative. We'll see. The only way to break this cursed feedback loop is to have more energy in me -- physical and mental. I am working on it with positive results but it's way too slow.
Moissanite 4y ago
I'm a decade younger and in a good financial position relative to my peers, but share a lot of the same sentiment. Finding it very hard to get motivated to do the challenging, delivery-based tasks at work when the only people getting any praise or promotions are "developer advocates", i.e. the marketing department. I don't see a way out other than to grind away for the next 20 years before retiring early. That's not what I want - I'd rather enjoy the time I have now. I'm just too fearful of a massive decline in lifestyle options if I change to a lower paid role, and don't even have the confidence that any job exists which would be a meaningful improvement.
- pdimitar 4y ago
  > the only people getting any praise or promotions are "developer advocates", i.e. the marketing department. Another harsh reality I am learning more and more lately: if you are not in the people's faces you will NEVER get any praise and a just material reward. So yeah, sadly you're right. > I'd rather enjoy the time I have now "If hard work paid off, show me a rich donkey". Truth is, stable jobs are nice training wheels for our psyche so we don't get too stressed but at one point we must roll up our sleeves and either figure out our own business, or co-found one with another person, or just devise any and all scheme for making at least 3x more money than your day-job is giving you, and for only 1-2h of work a day. Or if I am wrong here, I can't see how.
fuzzfactor 4y ago
Well, I'm much older and you'd have a ways to go before you might find yourself in a position like mine, but Uncle Sam is standing by to give me money for existing. But Social Security is not all it's cracked up to be, that wouldn't go far and I've got big disasters to recover from. So I'm working hard to do without over $100K now just so I can collect more later. But inflation's reducing the value of both dollars I'm not even collecting yet, and my paycheck's not rising to nearly make up any difference. It's not very uplifting and I'm not even on a fixed income. I just want to work no matter what, I guess I'm going to have to start a new company to get more out of my own efforts. Sure beats the boredom so many senior citizens get even if they have overflowing retirement funds.
- pdimitar 4y ago
  Well I am not in the USA but in Eastern Europe. The "money for existing" here would barely cover 2 visits to the grocery store. :D > I guess I'm going to have to start a new company to get more out of my own efforts Same conclusion here, being loyal to companies has gotten me nowhere. I know people for whom it worked but they are not the majority (of my acquaintances at least). > Sure beats the boredom so many senior citizens get even if they have overflowing retirement funds. I'll never be bored. I have things that I wanted to work on ever since I was 16 year old and now at 42 I still haven't taken the time and energy to do them -- I really can't find proper time and when I finally do I am exhausted (but I am working on the health as well which should give me much more bandwidth). If I can be granted a wish it'd be "please let me be as rich as I need to be and please let me be dying of boredom, I'll handle it!". Sympathies for your situation. It's a sad fact that when we get drained of our energy and motivation we actually have to muster even more of them so we can pull through by inventing our own income / business. It's a very bitter irony, one I have grown to gradually accept and not rebel against.

plonk 4y ago

Why not move to a tech hub and start a challenging job? If you're technically good, I don't think your current lack of money would block you. You sound like you'd have a lot of motivation if you got out of your current local minimum. Making a big life change tends to do that.

pdimitar 4y ago
I am really not sure. I am not looking for more responsibility and more pressure on my psyche right now. I am very capable and have proven it in numerous projects but I honestly need to dial down the responsibility... Not sure how one breaks this loop though.
- plonk 4y ago
  Well I've been stuck like that a few times (still very young though), and changing cities/states/countries has always been the best way to get out of it. There are probably IC positions that don't cause Amazon-style stress while being technically interesting. Just a thought.
  - pdimitar 4y ago
    But that's just the thing: "more technically interesting" has a big intersection with "mentally exhausting". And sadly the things I'd code with a smile on my face don't look at all lucrative. We'll see. The only way to break this cursed feedback loop is to have more energy in me -- physical and mental. I am working on it with positive results but it's way too slow.

Moissanite 4y ago

I'm a decade younger and in a good financial position relative to my peers, but share a lot of the same sentiment. Finding it very hard to get motivated to do the challenging, delivery-based tasks at work when the only people getting any praise or promotions are "developer advocates", i.e. the marketing department. I don't see a way out other than to grind away for the next 20 years before retiring early. That's not what I want - I'd rather enjoy the time I have now. I'm just too fearful of a massive decline in lifestyle options if I change to a lower paid role, and don't even have the confidence that any job exists which would be a meaningful improvement.

pdimitar 4y ago
> the only people getting any praise or promotions are "developer advocates", i.e. the marketing department. Another harsh reality I am learning more and more lately: if you are not in the people's faces you will NEVER get any praise and a just material reward. So yeah, sadly you're right. > I'd rather enjoy the time I have now "If hard work paid off, show me a rich donkey". Truth is, stable jobs are nice training wheels for our psyche so we don't get too stressed but at one point we must roll up our sleeves and either figure out our own business, or co-found one with another person, or just devise any and all scheme for making at least 3x more money than your day-job is giving you, and for only 1-2h of work a day. Or if I am wrong here, I can't see how.

fuzzfactor 4y ago

Well, I'm much older and you'd have a ways to go before you might find yourself in a position like mine, but Uncle Sam is standing by to give me money for existing. But Social Security is not all it's cracked up to be, that wouldn't go far and I've got big disasters to recover from. So I'm working hard to do without over $100K now just so I can collect more later. But inflation's reducing the value of both dollars I'm not even collecting yet, and my paycheck's not rising to nearly make up any difference. It's not very uplifting and I'm not even on a fixed income. I just want to work no matter what, I guess I'm going to have to start a new company to get more out of my own efforts. Sure beats the boredom so many senior citizens get even if they have overflowing retirement funds.

pdimitar 4y ago
Well I am not in the USA but in Eastern Europe. The "money for existing" here would barely cover 2 visits to the grocery store. :D > I guess I'm going to have to start a new company to get more out of my own efforts Same conclusion here, being loyal to companies has gotten me nowhere. I know people for whom it worked but they are not the majority (of my acquaintances at least). > Sure beats the boredom so many senior citizens get even if they have overflowing retirement funds. I'll never be bored. I have things that I wanted to work on ever since I was 16 year old and now at 42 I still haven't taken the time and energy to do them -- I really can't find proper time and when I finally do I am exhausted (but I am working on the health as well which should give me much more bandwidth). If I can be granted a wish it'd be "please let me be as rich as I need to be and please let me be dying of boredom, I'll handle it!". Sympathies for your situation. It's a sad fact that when we get drained of our energy and motivation we actually have to muster even more of them so we can pull through by inventing our own income / business. It's a very bitter irony, one I have grown to gradually accept and not rebel against.