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interesting that you are hacking the apps. I didn't realize you could use the same # over and over. They've done everything they can to not allow VOIP so I had

interesting that you are hacking the apps. I didn't realize you could use the same # over and over. They've done everything they can to not allow VOIP so I had to use my actual #. The extent of this I have done was previously running the app in a VM and being able to change location without having to pay but they made it too difficult and I just decided to pay because it's not that much. definitely the business model is messed up though. In retrospect I probably saw warning signs that I wasn't compatible with someone but ignored it because I just wanted a match. Maybe that is part of what was happening when I said I found out too late someone wasn't compatible. It's quite possible I was forcing something to happen. I have to think about that, it was months ago now. You might be on to something describing the need for validation and desperation that happens. It's definitely making decisions with clouded judgement. A part of me thinks that people shouldn't make the matches themselves, they should be assigned after being checked for compatibility and attraction before any chatting happens. not sure there is a perfect way to do this though.

godelski 4y ago
Oh there are other ways I've found to hack the algorithm. It is really black box probing. I don't think it too difficult if you're into ML interpretation or a hacker, but I firmly believe that this should not be a necessary condition to get matches. That is where the root of the issue lies. If you have to hack the algorithm to make matches, the algorithm has failed. I really do not think Tinder has anywhere near an acceptable algorithm for matching people. I also don't think Bumble is any better. > In retrospect I probably saw warning signs that I wasn't compatible with someone but ignored it because I just wanted a match. I think this is unfortunately what that failure causes. Men particularly are lonely (in different ways than women, see thirst analogy above) because social pressures tend to push us to not be as social. So we crave attention and will stay in bad relationships because the fear of loneliness is greater. As someone who has done this recently, I think it is often hard for us to talk about these things openly (social norms). Both men and women are seeking validation and are desperate, but just in different ways. I really think an issue is that we're not listening to one another and assuming our realities are very similar. Empathy is one of the real things that make humans unique, but I think these apps remove that component and that's why I dislike them.

godelski 4y ago

Oh there are other ways I've found to hack the algorithm. It is really black box probing. I don't think it too difficult if you're into ML interpretation or a hacker, but I firmly believe that this should not be a necessary condition to get matches. That is where the root of the issue lies. If you have to hack the algorithm to make matches, the algorithm has failed. I really do not think Tinder has anywhere near an acceptable algorithm for matching people. I also don't think Bumble is any better. > In retrospect I probably saw warning signs that I wasn't compatible with someone but ignored it because I just wanted a match. I think this is unfortunately what that failure causes. Men particularly are lonely (in different ways than women, see thirst analogy above) because social pressures tend to push us to not be as social. So we crave attention and will stay in bad relationships because the fear of loneliness is greater. As someone who has done this recently, I think it is often hard for us to talk about these things openly (social norms). Both men and women are seeking validation and are desperate, but just in different ways. I really think an issue is that we're not listening to one another and assuming our realities are very similar. Empathy is one of the real things that make humans unique, but I think these apps remove that component and that's why I dislike them.