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> Im thinking parents should have 1 lesson imprinted on them at the mat ward: your #1 job in 15 years will be to steer your immature yet independent son/daughte

> Im thinking parents should have 1 lesson imprinted on them at the mat ward: your #1 job in 15 years will be to steer your immature yet independent son/daughter away from life-altering decisions that have no "UNDO" button. Unfortunately I think most parents don't support this and believe in vague hand-wavy styles like "I need to let my child have space to grow and be his/her best self!" While that's partly true, there's a difference between raising your child to become an adult and helicopter parenting.

fdr 4y ago
I think most parents do support this, but the amount of control you have over a fifteen year old seems pretty minor: you have to hope the emergent phenomena you get from years 0-10 plus circumstance won't conspire against you.
acjohnson55 4y ago
One thing I realized pretty quickly as a parent was how little control I have over my kid. Eventually, my kids will have space whether I like it or not. The challenge is giving the tools and experience to make good decisions within boundaries. They need to be able to think for themselves. It's anything but laissez faire nor is it authoritarian. It's frustrating to me that a lot of people only seem to be able to think in terms of whichever of those extremes they dislike the most. It's also important to understand that it's impossible to inoculate your kids against all possible life-altering bad decisions. Part of being a parent is always having a view towards how to support your children going forward, whatever their changes circumstances, without denial or enablement. That might make the difference between one bad decision and a years long chain.
- DubiousPusher 4y ago
  > One thing I realized pretty quickly as a parent was how little control I have over my kid. Exactly. And we can all think of those parents in our peer group who haven't figured this out. They are making themselves crazy miserable either fighting with their kids or scheming to manipulate them.

fdr 4y ago

I think most parents do support this, but the amount of control you have over a fifteen year old seems pretty minor: you have to hope the emergent phenomena you get from years 0-10 plus circumstance won't conspire against you.

acjohnson55 4y ago

One thing I realized pretty quickly as a parent was how little control I have over my kid. Eventually, my kids will have space whether I like it or not. The challenge is giving the tools and experience to make good decisions within boundaries. They need to be able to think for themselves. It's anything but laissez faire nor is it authoritarian. It's frustrating to me that a lot of people only seem to be able to think in terms of whichever of those extremes they dislike the most. It's also important to understand that it's impossible to inoculate your kids against all possible life-altering bad decisions. Part of being a parent is always having a view towards how to support your children going forward, whatever their changes circumstances, without denial or enablement. That might make the difference between one bad decision and a years long chain.

DubiousPusher 4y ago
> One thing I realized pretty quickly as a parent was how little control I have over my kid. Exactly. And we can all think of those parents in our peer group who haven't figured this out. They are making themselves crazy miserable either fighting with their kids or scheming to manipulate them.