2 ms·

It's weirdly hard to compliment people, at least as a man. If you haven't warmed them up a bit first, it never feels right to compliment what they wear. On th

by nicbou 4y ago

It's weirdly hard to compliment people, at least as a man. If you haven't warmed them up a bit first, it never feels right to compliment what they wear. On the other hand, people love hearing that they have a nice playlist or run a cool place. It's something we put a lot of us into, so being complimented about it always hits hard. Compliments are an acquired skill, but one that's so satisfying to use.

te_chris 4y ago
I think a lot of that is delivery. In a society like the UK (where I currently live) where there’s a deep and heavy cynicism and sarcasm in the cultural dialog, most people assume you’re taking the piss unless you really can convey you’re not - not that this is a good reason not to complement people if you think it’s warranted. In NZ the culture is a lot more earnest, so it’s a bit easier.
conaire 4y ago
Try non physical complements, eg. I really appreciated the conversation you started on x, I like that we can really go deep and get into the weeds on topics, or even it's cool that you really know who you are.
- Yajirobe 4y ago
  So that only works for people you know or have interacted in some way. That doesn't apply to strangers.
- yuuu 4y ago
  compliments
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
hospadar 4y ago
Agree - I always go for compliments about a choice someone made rather than some quality I perceive them to have. This suggests admiration for something they intended to do or worked on. "I love that sweater" [that you chose] is a lot friendlier IMO than "you look great in that sweater" I also try to indicate with my tone and bearing that a response is not expected, a good compliment is a gift (IMO) and gifts are freely given without expectation of payback. I also like to stick to commentary I feel i actually know anything about, i wear earrings, so often comment about them. I dont wear makeup, so i rarely go there. I think fancy shoes are fun, etc.
- mettamage 4y ago
  > I also try to indicate with my tone and bearing that a response is not expected, a good compliment is a gift (IMO) and gifts are freely given without expectation of payback. Yes! This so much this!
darkerside 4y ago
Questions are a great way to indicate interest without coming off as too forward. Where'd you get that hat? Is that sweater as comfy as it looks?
narag 4y ago
Instead of compliments, try a more neutral start, like a question. * Is that the new model of X? They say it's great. * Where did you find Y? I've been searching for it a long time. * Do that Z work so well as they say?
mettamage 4y ago
I am a guy. Feel free to ask me questions via email on how I do it. My only actual skill: being fine with awkwardness. It happens 20% of the time

by nicbou 4y ago

te_chris 4y ago

I think a lot of that is delivery. In a society like the UK (where I currently live) where there’s a deep and heavy cynicism and sarcasm in the cultural dialog, most people assume you’re taking the piss unless you really can convey you’re not - not that this is a good reason not to complement people if you think it’s warranted. In NZ the culture is a lot more earnest, so it’s a bit easier.

conaire 4y ago

Try non physical complements, eg. I really appreciated the conversation you started on x, I like that we can really go deep and get into the weeds on topics, or even it's cool that you really know who you are.

Yajirobe 4y ago
So that only works for people you know or have interacted in some way. That doesn't apply to strangers.
yuuu 4y ago
compliments

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

hospadar 4y ago

Agree - I always go for compliments about a choice someone made rather than some quality I perceive them to have. This suggests admiration for something they intended to do or worked on. "I love that sweater" [that you chose] is a lot friendlier IMO than "you look great in that sweater" I also try to indicate with my tone and bearing that a response is not expected, a good compliment is a gift (IMO) and gifts are freely given without expectation of payback. I also like to stick to commentary I feel i actually know anything about, i wear earrings, so often comment about them. I dont wear makeup, so i rarely go there. I think fancy shoes are fun, etc.

mettamage 4y ago
> I also try to indicate with my tone and bearing that a response is not expected, a good compliment is a gift (IMO) and gifts are freely given without expectation of payback. Yes! This so much this!

darkerside 4y ago

Questions are a great way to indicate interest without coming off as too forward. Where'd you get that hat? Is that sweater as comfy as it looks?

narag 4y ago

Instead of compliments, try a more neutral start, like a question. * Is that the new model of X? They say it's great. * Where did you find Y? I've been searching for it a long time. * Do that Z work so well as they say?

mettamage 4y ago

I am a guy. Feel free to ask me questions via email on how I do it. My only actual skill: being fine with awkwardness. It happens 20% of the time