Friends, if we were all evil, this would work seamlessly. The only outstanding item: what do we name the fee? Keep in mind names already taken are service fee,

Friends, if we were all evil, this would work seamlessly. The only outstanding item: what do we name the fee? Keep in mind names already taken are service fee, small order fee, heavy order fee, pickup fee + dropoff fee, Chicago fee (regardless of city), and the anti-fee "customer happiness refund".