4 ms·

"I don't care what others think" always sounds like a coping mechanism, a last resort, an out-of-balance response to past insecurities and people-pleasing, as e

"I don't care what others think" always sounds like a coping mechanism, a last resort, an out-of-balance response to past insecurities and people-pleasing, as evidenced in this comment by dated references to designer clothes and fancy cars. If I have a boss, shouldn't I worry about what they think of me? If I have a spouse, a partner, a child, shouldn't I worry about what they think of me? Now, I know, the usual clarification is about "not worrying about what people who are not your spouse, your child, your parent, your boss think about you" or "not changing our habits to fit in." Which, of course, is about as unfair as it gets. Sure, if I'm invited to a fancy restaurant, I can show up in shorts and espadrilles because "I'm not going to change my comfortable clothes anyway, if they don't like them they can go for a hike," or maybe I could change my ways to fit in because I care what they think of me, not that they boss me around like a dog, but I understand that I live in a society, other people occupy the same space as me, we share what ecologists call a "niche." And I have opinions about other people. Between being a sheep, a formidable animal by the way, and looking like an obnoxious "I don't care what other people think of me" character, there is a huge space in which one can live a life of independent thought and social awareness. It was called elegance.

nkrisc 4y ago
> as evidenced in this comment by dated references to designer clothes and fancy cars. I think you ought to reevaluate your ability to read people from such limited comments and remarks. It’s not as honed as you might think, as evidenced by this comment. I do not care what other people think about me. I can not control what others think, nor can I ever know it. Instead, I care about the things I can control: how I behave with others, what my relationship is with them, what I think of them, what I do. I don’t waste my time imagining what others might be thinking about me, because I can’t know. All I can do is listen to what they say, watch what they do, and choose my response accordingly. Caring about what others think is a fool’s errand because you can never know what they think. And you can’t know if what they say is what they think. > "I don't care what others think" always sounds like a coping mechanism, a last resort, an out-of-balance response to past insecurities and people-pleasing, as evidenced in this comment by dated references to designer clothes and fancy cars. You are so far off the mark. You don’t know me. You don’t know what I think. Don’t try to guess.
- Nomentatus 4y ago
  I'm having trouble seeing where the two of you actually disagree. You're both arguing for a middle approach, what the Greeks would call "moderation"; neither of you care about every detail about what others think, but both of you do track their possible responses in order to fit in at least some of the time in "low cost" situations. Both of you go your own way when the stakes seem higher to you. I think it's more the word-tags you tend to prefer when describing boors that divides you, which is to say, semantics (of a kind.)
  - borroka 4y ago
    I think we pretty much agree (and I thank you for your "moderation"), but I go further. There is a fairly strong correlation between the thoughts and actions of others, including ourselves. I care what others think of me, in part, selfishly, because I care what they do with those thoughts. And yes, sometimes being loved and being feared, just as an example, can cause others to give us money or attention, thus two distant feelings can have the same consequences.

nkrisc 4y ago

> as evidenced in this comment by dated references to designer clothes and fancy cars. I think you ought to reevaluate your ability to read people from such limited comments and remarks. It’s not as honed as you might think, as evidenced by this comment. I do not care what other people think about me. I can not control what others think, nor can I ever know it. Instead, I care about the things I can control: how I behave with others, what my relationship is with them, what I think of them, what I do. I don’t waste my time imagining what others might be thinking about me, because I can’t know. All I can do is listen to what they say, watch what they do, and choose my response accordingly. Caring about what others think is a fool’s errand because you can never know what they think. And you can’t know if what they say is what they think. > "I don't care what others think" always sounds like a coping mechanism, a last resort, an out-of-balance response to past insecurities and people-pleasing, as evidenced in this comment by dated references to designer clothes and fancy cars. You are so far off the mark. You don’t know me. You don’t know what I think. Don’t try to guess.

Nomentatus 4y ago
I'm having trouble seeing where the two of you actually disagree. You're both arguing for a middle approach, what the Greeks would call "moderation"; neither of you care about every detail about what others think, but both of you do track their possible responses in order to fit in at least some of the time in "low cost" situations. Both of you go your own way when the stakes seem higher to you. I think it's more the word-tags you tend to prefer when describing boors that divides you, which is to say, semantics (of a kind.)
- borroka 4y ago
  I think we pretty much agree (and I thank you for your "moderation"), but I go further. There is a fairly strong correlation between the thoughts and actions of others, including ourselves. I care what others think of me, in part, selfishly, because I care what they do with those thoughts. And yes, sometimes being loved and being feared, just as an example, can cause others to give us money or attention, thus two distant feelings can have the same consequences.