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“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will hurt for life” is how I used to say it. Never say anything that couldn’t stand as the last thing you say t

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will hurt for life” is how I used to say it. Never say anything that couldn’t stand as the last thing you say to someone. You’re words matter more than you realize.

aeternum 4y ago
Most people have never come anywhere close to being beat sufficiently to have a bone broken. I guarantee you words come nothing close to that experience. Being beat to that extent can cause both physical and emotional pain for life.
- gabereiser 4y ago
  Not dismissing physical abuse at all. That’s not a stick, nor a stone. I’ve had numerous bones broken. Some because of me. Some because of others. Some from my parents. One from my child (technically my fault). Both forms of abuse hurt. When the abuse goes on for a long time it feels like it takes 10x as long to heal.
  - aeternum 4y ago
    The rhyme is about physical abuse though, it's not like accidentally falling into a pile of sticks and stones was a frequent occurrence.
theGnuMe 4y ago
I mean words only hurt if you let them in so that’s why we think of things this way. It sucks to be in a relationship with someone who can’t forgive or forget. Mean vindictive people who will twist words and who are suppose to love you unconditionally.
- booboofixer 4y ago
  Something to consider, as more and more people say things to you, you start to understand the different ways in which people are terrible, which isn't all that bad because nobody is perfect. But then you start to understand the ways in which all people are flawed, that's when you really lose faith in humanity. So words might not hurt, but they offer more and more reasons to disengage, not just from terrible people, but from otherwise "normal, friendly, would-never-commit-a-crime people"
  - qorrect 4y ago
    > So words might not hurt, but they offer more and more reasons to disengage, not just from terrible people, but from otherwise "normal, friendly, would-never-commit-a-crime people" Oof that hit home.
  - Nomentatus 4y ago
    FWIW, meditation (Vipassana after a few years of Samahdi), really helps with this because it shows you your own inconsistencies and faults. You're part of that sometimes nasty group, too. This may well lead to a short depression at times but overall, a much more positive outlook. "Them's just how it is, and good things still sometimes happen."
robomartin 4y ago
> words matter more than you realize I could not disagree more. Words are meaningless. They are sounds. They only matter if you choose to give them meaning. The proof is incredibly simple. I speak multiple languages, one of them is Spanish. However, it is South American Spanish and not any of the dialects spoken in Spain. A common insult in Spain is "gilipollas". It means absolutely nothing to me, even though I know what it means ant that is an insult. Someone could call me gilipollas all day and I would probably die laughing; frankly, it really sounds funny to me. What if you are insulted in a language you don't understand? Same thing. Meaningless. At that point it really becomes just sounds. And that's the point. The only process that gives words meaning and can attach them to negative emotions is in your brain. Put a different way: Nobody can force you to interpret words as an insult or something to get emotional about except for yourself. I got my kids used to not caring about insults by actually insulting them. Things like "You are a moron!" quickly became the subject of jokes at our home, with them being free to call me anything they want in response. At first I had to do this because one of my kids ran into verbal bullies at school. It is amazing to see just how much power one gains by removing meaning from words used to deliver insults. At the limit they become nothing less than a joke. Verbal insults, at the end of the day, are signs of weakness. The person who has to resort to diminishing someone else verbally in person or --as is often seen-- online, has to resort to such nonsense because, well, to be kind, they have nothing else to offer. Why give someone like that the power to interpret those words as they wish you would interpret them? The best approach is to turn those words into irrelevant noise. To go from that, to have words affect you for life? No, that's a big mistake.
- jemmyw 4y ago
  I'm going to have to disagree with your disagreement. > I got my kids used to not caring about insults by actually insulting them. Things like "You are a moron!" I do that too, although just because its fun rather than for any other reason. But your kids know that is friendly banter with you. It's quite different to your boss calling you a moron and insulting you all day. So you might say, well if my boss did that then I'd leave, fuck them. And I'd be the same. However, not everyone is in a position to be able to just get out and quit. And that doesn't even address the far more insidious ways people use words to hurt you. Telling other people you're a moron, building up an undeserved contempt. This is what bullies do and it's not so easy to shrug it off. When they get a significant number of people in on it then you can't escape it and feel like a fool. This is the source of my shyness and anxiety about talking to people. Even though I try to push down those feelings I still feel awkward and on guard because for a few of my school years ANYTHING I said unguarded would be pounced on and I'd be laughed at. Then there's gaslighting and other verbal lead ons where you're sweet talked into believing you're a moron. I don't have any experience with this. > The best approach is to turn those words into irrelevant noise. To go from that, to have words affect you for life? No, that's a big mistake. I wish this were the case. Toot toot for you if it is, but for many it's not possible, I think perhaps you could take a more sympathetic view - what has worked for you does not work for everyone and perhaps others had a difficult time when they were more vulnerable to it and that left an unshakable impression on them.

aeternum 4y ago

Most people have never come anywhere close to being beat sufficiently to have a bone broken. I guarantee you words come nothing close to that experience. Being beat to that extent can cause both physical and emotional pain for life.

gabereiser 4y ago
Not dismissing physical abuse at all. That’s not a stick, nor a stone. I’ve had numerous bones broken. Some because of me. Some because of others. Some from my parents. One from my child (technically my fault). Both forms of abuse hurt. When the abuse goes on for a long time it feels like it takes 10x as long to heal.
- aeternum 4y ago
  The rhyme is about physical abuse though, it's not like accidentally falling into a pile of sticks and stones was a frequent occurrence.

theGnuMe 4y ago

I mean words only hurt if you let them in so that’s why we think of things this way. It sucks to be in a relationship with someone who can’t forgive or forget. Mean vindictive people who will twist words and who are suppose to love you unconditionally.

booboofixer 4y ago
Something to consider, as more and more people say things to you, you start to understand the different ways in which people are terrible, which isn't all that bad because nobody is perfect. But then you start to understand the ways in which all people are flawed, that's when you really lose faith in humanity. So words might not hurt, but they offer more and more reasons to disengage, not just from terrible people, but from otherwise "normal, friendly, would-never-commit-a-crime people"
- qorrect 4y ago
  > So words might not hurt, but they offer more and more reasons to disengage, not just from terrible people, but from otherwise "normal, friendly, would-never-commit-a-crime people" Oof that hit home.
- Nomentatus 4y ago
  FWIW, meditation (Vipassana after a few years of Samahdi), really helps with this because it shows you your own inconsistencies and faults. You're part of that sometimes nasty group, too. This may well lead to a short depression at times but overall, a much more positive outlook. "Them's just how it is, and good things still sometimes happen."

robomartin 4y ago

> words matter more than you realize I could not disagree more. Words are meaningless. They are sounds. They only matter if you choose to give them meaning. The proof is incredibly simple. I speak multiple languages, one of them is Spanish. However, it is South American Spanish and not any of the dialects spoken in Spain. A common insult in Spain is "gilipollas". It means absolutely nothing to me, even though I know what it means ant that is an insult. Someone could call me gilipollas all day and I would probably die laughing; frankly, it really sounds funny to me. What if you are insulted in a language you don't understand? Same thing. Meaningless. At that point it really becomes just sounds. And that's the point. The only process that gives words meaning and can attach them to negative emotions is in your brain. Put a different way: Nobody can force you to interpret words as an insult or something to get emotional about except for yourself. I got my kids used to not caring about insults by actually insulting them. Things like "You are a moron!" quickly became the subject of jokes at our home, with them being free to call me anything they want in response. At first I had to do this because one of my kids ran into verbal bullies at school. It is amazing to see just how much power one gains by removing meaning from words used to deliver insults. At the limit they become nothing less than a joke. Verbal insults, at the end of the day, are signs of weakness. The person who has to resort to diminishing someone else verbally in person or --as is often seen-- online, has to resort to such nonsense because, well, to be kind, they have nothing else to offer. Why give someone like that the power to interpret those words as they wish you would interpret them? The best approach is to turn those words into irrelevant noise. To go from that, to have words affect you for life? No, that's a big mistake.

jemmyw 4y ago
I'm going to have to disagree with your disagreement. > I got my kids used to not caring about insults by actually insulting them. Things like "You are a moron!" I do that too, although just because its fun rather than for any other reason. But your kids know that is friendly banter with you. It's quite different to your boss calling you a moron and insulting you all day. So you might say, well if my boss did that then I'd leave, fuck them. And I'd be the same. However, not everyone is in a position to be able to just get out and quit. And that doesn't even address the far more insidious ways people use words to hurt you. Telling other people you're a moron, building up an undeserved contempt. This is what bullies do and it's not so easy to shrug it off. When they get a significant number of people in on it then you can't escape it and feel like a fool. This is the source of my shyness and anxiety about talking to people. Even though I try to push down those feelings I still feel awkward and on guard because for a few of my school years ANYTHING I said unguarded would be pounced on and I'd be laughed at. Then there's gaslighting and other verbal lead ons where you're sweet talked into believing you're a moron. I don't have any experience with this. > The best approach is to turn those words into irrelevant noise. To go from that, to have words affect you for life? No, that's a big mistake. I wish this were the case. Toot toot for you if it is, but for many it's not possible, I think perhaps you could take a more sympathetic view - what has worked for you does not work for everyone and perhaps others had a difficult time when they were more vulnerable to it and that left an unshakable impression on them.