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> I know it sounds like I am just disagreeing with his ADHD diagnosis and that I am in some way against ADHD diagnosis but that is not the case at all. As I sai

by pxc 4y ago

> I know it sounds like I am just disagreeing with his ADHD diagnosis and that I am in some way against ADHD diagnosis but that is not the case at all. As I said my son was diagnosed with ADHD not too long ago. I have no issue with ADHD as a diagnosis I just worry it is the wrong one for this person because they became so obsessed with getting adderall as some kind of fix for everything That is really hard. Your son may have to figure that one out on his own. If I can give some unsolicited advice: Make sure your son knows that you feel his problems are real and that he has important things to learn from others who have ADHD, because they do struggle with so many similar things. If it's ‘you're barking up the wrong tree’, he might be likely to reflexively dismiss you. But if it's ‘I see why you think this is a good place to look for help, but don't limit your search for tools to deal with this to things associated with ADHD’, it might be something he can better receive. Also, as someone who has been diagnosed with ADHD and takes stimulant medication for it: - there are aspects of ADHD that stimulant medication just doesn't help with - there are aspects of ADHD that stimulant medication can make *worse*, if you're not careful - ADHD can be closely related to anxiety, even when ADHD is almost certainly part of the picture— when you have ADHD traits and behaviors, it's natural to fall into a habit of *leaning into those ADHD traits and behaviors* in order to cope with your anxiety, as a form of avoidance Even if your son is certain that he has ADHD and he is basically right, that doesn't mean that his trauma doesn't matter or that there's not an interplay between his trauma and his ADHD. He'll be more successful in treating his ADHD if he also addresses his trauma, and working with a therapist can really help for the aspects of ADHD where stimiulant medication is not always that helpful a tool.

satysin 4y ago
That is a very thoughtful reply pxc, thank you. Perhaps I am wrong but reading your reply I got the impression you thought I was talking about my son in my original reply? I just wanted to clarify that is not the case, I was talking about an adult family member not my son :) As for my son it is quite clear he has ADHD and I indeed support him in every way I can. Currently that is not via medication however not because I object to it but because he only has one kidney and all of the doctors we have seen agree that we should try to avoid medication for now. Especially as he does not present hyperactivity. I am sure it is something he will try when older but for now we are trying to help develop tools (both mental and physical) to provide a supportive environment for him and it seems to be working quite well. Regarding you point on anxiety and ADHD, this is very relevant to my son as he has developed some anxiety over the past few years (moving to a country where he had to learn a new language and of course the pandemic). We certainly notice[d] an increase with inattention when he is anxious. For example when my wife had to travel for work recently his anxiety was much higher. As you mentioned I ensure I do not use dismissive terms when he talks to me about how he is feeling. We have built a good, open way of communicating so when he feels anxious or overwhelmed he knows he can talk to us without issue. I have to admit I have huge anxieties of my own as to whether I am doing a good job in supporting him but I am trying to do everything I can. Again I appreciate you taking the time to share your experience and knowledge.
- pxc 4y ago
  Oh yes, looks like I mixed up two people you were talking about. Sorry for that! I'm glad that some of what I had to say was still helpful. > As for my son it is quite clear he has ADHD and I indeed support him in every way I can. Currently that is not via medication however not because I object to it but because he only has one kidney[.] [...] [F]or now we are trying to help develop tools (both mental and physical) to provide a supportive environment for him and it seems to be working quite well. FWIW I think the non-medical tools are the harder things to get going and the more essential. And because stimulant medication's efficacy is affected a lot by how structured the environment is, it tends to be a less decisive tool in college and in professional life than it is in elementary school or high school. So if you're having success and seeing progress without meds, I think that's likely to continue and to help make sure he has the right habits to make the meds actually effective for him in adulthood if that's what he needs. > I have to admit I have huge anxieties of my own as to whether I am doing a good job in supporting him but I am trying to do everything I can. To me you sound thoughtful, flexible, and caring in your approach to understanding and supporting your son. I think that is sure to make a huge, positive difference, no matter what.

by pxc 4y ago

satysin 4y ago

That is a very thoughtful reply pxc, thank you. Perhaps I am wrong but reading your reply I got the impression you thought I was talking about my son in my original reply? I just wanted to clarify that is not the case, I was talking about an adult family member not my son :) As for my son it is quite clear he has ADHD and I indeed support him in every way I can. Currently that is not via medication however not because I object to it but because he only has one kidney and all of the doctors we have seen agree that we should try to avoid medication for now. Especially as he does not present hyperactivity. I am sure it is something he will try when older but for now we are trying to help develop tools (both mental and physical) to provide a supportive environment for him and it seems to be working quite well. Regarding you point on anxiety and ADHD, this is very relevant to my son as he has developed some anxiety over the past few years (moving to a country where he had to learn a new language and of course the pandemic). We certainly notice[d] an increase with inattention when he is anxious. For example when my wife had to travel for work recently his anxiety was much higher. As you mentioned I ensure I do not use dismissive terms when he talks to me about how he is feeling. We have built a good, open way of communicating so when he feels anxious or overwhelmed he knows he can talk to us without issue. I have to admit I have huge anxieties of my own as to whether I am doing a good job in supporting him but I am trying to do everything I can. Again I appreciate you taking the time to share your experience and knowledge.

pxc 4y ago
Oh yes, looks like I mixed up two people you were talking about. Sorry for that! I'm glad that some of what I had to say was still helpful. > As for my son it is quite clear he has ADHD and I indeed support him in every way I can. Currently that is not via medication however not because I object to it but because he only has one kidney[.] [...] [F]or now we are trying to help develop tools (both mental and physical) to provide a supportive environment for him and it seems to be working quite well. FWIW I think the non-medical tools are the harder things to get going and the more essential. And because stimulant medication's efficacy is affected a lot by how structured the environment is, it tends to be a less decisive tool in college and in professional life than it is in elementary school or high school. So if you're having success and seeing progress without meds, I think that's likely to continue and to help make sure he has the right habits to make the meds actually effective for him in adulthood if that's what he needs. > I have to admit I have huge anxieties of my own as to whether I am doing a good job in supporting him but I am trying to do everything I can. To me you sound thoughtful, flexible, and caring in your approach to understanding and supporting your son. I think that is sure to make a huge, positive difference, no matter what.