4 ms·

It's so weird how we think we have to buy each other stuff.

jraph 4y ago
I don't like searching / having to think about gifts. And I don't like receiving them. There's some expected reciprocity in this. Presents are often useless stuff turning into waste. We cannot afford this anymore. It also takes me months to decide to buy something for myself, whether I really need it, which model exactly… I don't like this to be ruined. Events with people are cool, though, and that's the kind of present that could work. But there's still this reciprocity thing that does not make me completely at ease with any kind of present. What's important for me is seeing people, not stuff. Let's have this great relationship and not involve the presents in it? I have discouraged friends and family to buy me gifts for years. I've also gradually stopped buying gifts for people as soon as I feel it's not too weird. I'm at a point people around me understand I don't want presents, and some are convinced not doing gifts is a good idea, especially the wasteful part. We don't do gifts at Christmas with my parents anymore. We just skip this shitty period where you stress out spending too much money buying presents for everyone at the same time as everyone else, we just have a good time and everything is smooth. No need for presents to show we love each others. My parents are still used to buy each other presents for their respective birthdays (and involve us), but I think that's mostly because they are trapped in it. If we want a healthy planet we really need to think about the presents and especially on Christmas, which shall be reinvented. Teaching kids to expect and demand presents can't be good at this time, by the way.
- dr_orpheus 4y ago
  In my family we still do gifts for immediate family and kids in the family. But for everyone else in the extended family we started a donate exchange, or sort of a secret Santa of donates. Everyone gets assigned someone else and you go make a donation to something important to you in their name. Then on Christmas we just open up cards that say who they donated to and why.
- extragood 4y ago
  I relate very closely with this. I do have a couple exceptions though. I'm close with my brother and sometimes run across something that I know he actually needs, and buy that for him. My exes have all really loved receiving flowers spontaneously. The difference is that expectation of reciprocation feeling that you mentioned. I hate scheduled gift-giving. It feels so insincere.

I don't like searching / having to think about gifts. And I don't like receiving them. There's some expected reciprocity in this. Presents are often useless stuff turning into waste. We cannot afford this anymore. It also takes me months to decide to buy something for myself, whether I really need it, which model exactly… I don't like this to be ruined. Events with people are cool, though, and that's the kind of present that could work. But there's still this reciprocity thing that does not make me completely at ease with any kind of present. What's important for me is seeing people, not stuff. Let's have this great relationship and not involve the presents in it? I have discouraged friends and family to buy me gifts for years. I've also gradually stopped buying gifts for people as soon as I feel it's not too weird. I'm at a point people around me understand I don't want presents, and some are convinced not doing gifts is a good idea, especially the wasteful part. We don't do gifts at Christmas with my parents anymore. We just skip this shitty period where you stress out spending too much money buying presents for everyone at the same time as everyone else, we just have a good time and everything is smooth. No need for presents to show we love each others. My parents are still used to buy each other presents for their respective birthdays (and involve us), but I think that's mostly because they are trapped in it. If we want a healthy planet we really need to think about the presents and especially on Christmas, which shall be reinvented. Teaching kids to expect and demand presents can't be good at this time, by the way.

dr_orpheus 4y ago
In my family we still do gifts for immediate family and kids in the family. But for everyone else in the extended family we started a donate exchange, or sort of a secret Santa of donates. Everyone gets assigned someone else and you go make a donation to something important to you in their name. Then on Christmas we just open up cards that say who they donated to and why.
extragood 4y ago
I relate very closely with this. I do have a couple exceptions though. I'm close with my brother and sometimes run across something that I know he actually needs, and buy that for him. My exes have all really loved receiving flowers spontaneously. The difference is that expectation of reciprocation feeling that you mentioned. I hate scheduled gift-giving. It feels so insincere.