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As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish peo
by wfleming 4y ago
As somebody who has been “that coffee friend” and received far too many coffee-related gifts for years (including many pounds of stale, burnt beans), I wish people wouldn’t do this.
If I’m super into topic X and you’re not, there’s a good chance whatever you get will either not be of interest (e.g. bad beans) or just redundant (I can only use so many mugs or grinders).
Obviously the thought is always appreciated, and gift buying can be hard, I get it. But receiving a gift also creates an obligation to at least perform enjoyment of the gift and now it’s another thing I have to own (consumables at least are temporary if you’re not into them, so that helps).
There’s a sweet spot in gift giving of looking for something the receiver is into and will want (but not already have) but also something the giver is knowledgeable enough to make an informed decision on. So, again, the thought is always appreciated, but if the giver can’t operate a k-cup maybe leave your coffee snob friends to buy their own beans :).
- atomicnumber3 4y agoMy personal hack for this is to be into french brandies and wines. 30% of the French government is dedicated to ensuring that when you buy "Cognac" or "Armagnac" or "St Emilion, Bordeax" you are getting exactly that. Also makes it easy for my wife to tell others: "Cognac, Grande/Petite/Fine Champagne". And boom, guaranteed right thing. Also, no redundancy - just more to drink.
- 2muchcoffeeman 4y agoThis is why I like the “lame” gifts. Once I got a towel. Only one, but still, I needed to get some new ones and now I get to delay shopping that while longer because who wants to buy towels? Awesome. People always think of gifts as fancy stuff. But if you can save me some time, or feed me, fantastic.
- andirk 4y agoYeah I needed to go to the DMV so my friend came back from Japan with a $1 gift for me: an ID of a cat wearing a tennis headband and bifocals. I would show bouncers who never thought it funny. My fave was one looked all over it and said "What?? Theres no birthday!"
- hysan 4y agoDo you happen to know where in Japan your friend got that from? I know someone (including myself) who would love that as a gift.
- 0x38B 4y agoI found what appears to be an actual ID card you order for your cat (1 - Japanese), (2 - translated). It even has a place to specify where they like to be petted! May resolve GP's problem as it has a spot for the birthday. 1: https://pawmy.jp/product/cat-license/ https://pawmy.jp/product/cat-license/ 2: https://pawmy-jp.translate.goog/product/cat-license/?_x_tr_sl=ja&_x_tr_tl=en https://pawmy-jp.translate.goog/product/cat-license/?_x_tr_s...
- rippercushions 4y agoThe most useful baby gift I ever received was a set of simple towels with the baby's name embroidered on them. 10 years later they're still going strong, when every other gift (romper suits, teddy bears, bouquets etc) is long gone.
- dazc 4y agoA friend of mine buys me t-shirts, always black. I never have to buy another t-shirt or worry what to wear each day.
- stonecharioteer 4y agoThis. I hate getting books as gifts because I am lucky about the editions I buy nowadays. People used to gift me books until I asked them not to. I'd prefer it if someone asked me what I wanted and got me specifically that, unless, of course, they made me handmade cards or bookmarks.
- muzani 4y agoPeople get me crypto books because apparently I like books and tech.
- bee_rider 4y ago> This. I hate getting books as gifts because I am lucky <-[Did you mean picky here?] about the editions I buy nowadays. The mental image of you being annoyed because you just know that while your friends did their best, the universe would have conspired to put a really pristine first-edition there is pretty funny.
- stonecharioteer 4y agohaha yes. Picky. I no longer buy paperbacks and I abhor movie tie in covers. I prefer hardcovers and illustrated editions as well.
- hombre_fatal 4y agoPeople buy you books because they think you might enjoy the words on the pages, not because they think the book will dignify your meticulous collection.
- stonecharioteer 4y agoI'm sorry if that made me come across as an asshole. I never ever ever throw away things given by someone else so I don't like receiving books unless I had them (even the specific version on my wishlist) because I'm trying to control how large my collection grows. I've sold off so many books I bought in my younger days, to make space for others.
- edgecasestdio 4y agoPerhaps the idea of the submitted article can be amended to account for your experience. If a person has a friend that is into coffee, that's great news because you know your friend has a clear interest, but additional research is needed to make sure the gift is high-quality and redundant. Maybe 15-20 minutes of research on a specialty forum like r/coffee (at least the wiki) or a reputable YouTube channel (like James Hoffmann's) can help the gift-giver understand how to find quality beans (often light-to-medium from a smaller reputable roaster). If there's uncertainty, one can either directly ask the friend or make observations. In the end, perhaps the best gift isn't so much the coffee beans per se, but the thoughtfulness you take in the person's hobby as you can then develop a shared interest.
- stbtrax 4y agoThis is my experience as well. I appreciate my friends getting me some coffee but too many bags of expensive burnt Kona coffee have been thrown in the trash. And I don't need N+1 drippers as gifts
- wheels 4y agoYeah, I'm a whisky nerd, and the uninitiated trying to buy me whisky is almost always disappointing. Usually it'll be something from the grocery store, which has a chance of being ok, but has no chance of being novel, while simultaneously for the buyer feeling like it's pretty expensive. I've told folks that want to buy me something to go into a specialty shop and ask for recommendations there. If they want to excite the folks working there, taking a photo of my collection will let them know my taste, and they'll get excited about doing recommendations (since they'll almost certainly also be whisky nerds). This is probably the best bet for folks really determined to get something for $thing-nerds.
- ryan_lane 4y agoThis is one of those cases where I'm thankful that I'm also really into making cocktails, because unless the whisky is absolutely disgusting, it's going to work in a cocktail, and at the very least, it's a challenge for me to make it work.
- ectopod 4y agoOr make whisky cake. Dried fruit and peel are soaked in whisky for a week, baked into a fairly typical fruit cake, drizzled with more whisky, wrapped, and left to steep for a couple of weeks. Recommended.
- gnarcoregrizz 4y agoI've heard the advice to give a gift of something that you like, because people are bound to be disappointed if you try to cater to their interest. I'm into cycling, and I've received many cycling-related gifts, many of which I unfortunately haven't used. Meanwhile, I've had a few products that I'm really fond of that I've received good feedback about. A few examples are tools, flashlights, and one which was received exceptionally well - a nice pair of binoculars. It turns out the recipient uses their nice binoculars all the time now. I always like receiving those random type gifts as well. When in doubt, alcohol is an easy one, provided the recipient isn't too snobby.
- switchbak 4y agoI've had the opposite experience a lot: I give a fancy niche thing, and get confused looks because they don't understand its value. Then again much of my family is terrible at graciously receiving gifts!
- kubanczyk 4y agoWait, are "confused looks" bad? I'd love to get a confusing gift.
- switchbak 4y agoWhen you go out of your way to get a special gift and the response is "thanks ... I guess", that's not really the desired outcome. A confusing gift sounds like fun, but an unwanted gift not so much.
- kubanczyk 4y agoCulture-dependent then. I did get dozens of impractical, boring, useless gifts that were a net zero value to me (or slightly less). I've never responded "thanks ... I guess" or implied that, because it'd be super-rude. Maybe not a full nuclear option, but a heavy offense, to be remembered for years.
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- CTDOCodebases 4y agoI have to agree. If you want to do something nice for a friend like this then genuinely engage with them about their passion. Suggest going for coffee at the new interesting places that are opening up. Be open minded to their suggestions. Nerds like sharing their knowledge and enjoying their little niche with others. It makes them feel understood and makes their world a little less lonely.
- unsignedchar 4y agoAgreed. A related point: it is often hard for someone who’s not into some specific interest, to know which attributes make something better. Like most people don’t have the same standards of freshness for coffee beans as coffee needs (and wouldn’t know to care)
- danielskogly 4y agoI run a wishlisting service, and I find creating my own wishlist for Christmas/birthday is the hardest thing about it, as I have to work pretty hard to actually figure out things to wish for. Considering how hard I find this myself, how hard isn't it for someone else to know what I would like to receive if I didn't tell them? A close few manage this anyway, as they might keep notes of things I mention during the year, or know me well enough to know what I will appreciate, but for other family and friends, I honestly think it's too much to expect. The solution for me is to wish for things I know I'll appreciate like "∞ of experiences with you", "∞ of home-made stuff", and specific items in various price-ranges that I want and can post-pone buying myself, like "Physical copy of this book", "This specific game (on GOG)", and "This somewhat expensive clothing item". The more things I can wish for, the more options friends and family have, the less it feels like I'm ordering stuff, and the less I know what exactly I can expect under the tree. TL;DR: Giving good gifts is hard, and putting some thought into a wishlist can make it better for both parties. YMMV.
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- genocidicbunny 4y agoThis is one of those topics that makes me happy that I enjoy LEGO even as an adult, because it's one of those few gift themes that's hard to screw up. Even if its a set I already have, or one I wasn't really interested in, it's hard to say no to having more LEGO.
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- Ma8ee 4y agoYes, I wish people understood this better. As someone with quite a few hobbies, the thing you buy me is usually either redundant or not particularly useful. I really wish the tradition of grown people giving each other gifts would disappear. We don’t need more stuff to clutter our lives and it’s utterly tragic how we destroy our world just to produce stuff that just might make people marginally happier in a few fleeting moments.
- ubermonkey 4y agoI love getting and giving gifts, but I agree that too often it's clutter. I do my best NOT to give someone something they won't actually like, and try to be gracious when I receive something not entirely useful.
- shifto 4y agoDuring birthdays and days like Christmas, I ask friends and family to not buy me anything but if they can think of something fun for my kids. I have all the stuff I want already so either you have an awesome idea and really have a specific gift you want to give me or I'd rather you don't get me anything at all. This is well respected in my circles and I don't get as much junk anymore.
- wfleming 4y agoYeah, completely agree on reducing gift giving as adults. I long ago made it clear to my family they should just donate to charity in my name at holidays except in rare cases when I specifically say I want something. Took some convincing, but now everyone sees it as normal and I think it’s fulfilling for everyone involved. I did the same for a work Secret Santa thing for several years and the givers who got me always appreciated that as well.
- ascagnel_ 4y agoI look at that as a learning opportunity -- if you're not pretentious and exclusionary about it, you can try to shine some light on your hobbies and get your friends and family into it by being inclusive. Ie: if you're seeing your family for a holiday, and you're the "coffee person", then brew a pot big enough to share, and do a mini tasting session for anyone who's interested.
- astura 4y agoThis was my immediate thought - you're going to get someone really "into" coffee beans? Like, that's the worst idea, you're pretty much sure to get them something they don't want, most people who are "into" something are particular about it. I guess I'm "into" tea and drink it everyday. While I'm not very particular (I like all types and even the worst tea bags make drinkable iced tea) the problem is I already have too much. I appreciate it a lot, but ATM I'm at capacity.
- base698 4y agoYeah it's funny how much I disagree with the OP. My dad always ends up buying me duplicates of what I have whether it's coffee or cooking. Then you have to do the dance to make sure the one they bought you is the one you use when they come over for dinner.
- globular-toast 4y agoYeah, I've always said this. It's better to buy things that you are super into and you think they might be tempted to get into themselves. I'm sure we've all received that cheap mousepad from Grandma because she knows you're on the computer all the time. It's a waste and make the recipient feel bad when they throw it in the bin. What's funny also is how certain things always become associated with gifts. When some of my friends grew beards in the 2010s they started receiving beard oils and balms etc. from everyone. I grew my beard much earlier and it wasn't considered a gift-giving thing back then. Coffee seems to be a thing you can be in to but (in the UK at least) tea isn't. Most people I know drink tea regularly but nobody would ever gift a teapot or something to them.
- BeFlatXIII 4y agoI have that problem when buying presents for my mother. She's taken up a serious interest in painting during her retirement years. The things I'd think to buy would be below her level or are things she already owns (perhaps because they were a gift from me when she was early in her artistic journey). The big-ticket stuff would be already gifted to her by my dad as a gift to celebrate their wedding anniversary.
- ubermonkey 4y agoThere's definitely a temptation or a hazard here, sure, but as someone with a myriad of very public enthusiasms, I'll share that I have only RARELY gotten lazy gifts like this. I'm not sure why that is.
- dfxm12 4y agoOn the subreddit for Magic The Gathering, people unfamiliar with Magic regularly ask what to buy someone who into Magic as a surprise gift. The top voted answers tend to be gift cards to their local game shop. I think this applies to all of "those X friends". The thought is always there from the giver and the receiver gets to pick out what they want from their local shop.
- snug 4y agoidk, the way this guy is describing his coffee friend, seems like me. I wouldn't say my hobby is coffee, but I have beans I grind, and have my favorite coffee spot. But I am not a "coffee snob." I can drink coffee straight but prefer with milk, and generally won't drink an espresso shot. I love a PSL, and always get a latte otherwise. I love when people get me coffee beans from somewhere, especially if they are whole beans! Edit: I do think this applies to lots of other hobbies though