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Being bullied definitely can teach some important life skills (dealing with conflict). You are absolutely correct that bullying is a theme in all stages of life

Being bullied definitely can teach some important life skills (dealing with conflict). You are absolutely correct that bullying is a theme in all stages of life, it just comes in many different forms. I think we discuss bullying in schools so much because children are more overt about it (e.g. stealing lunch money or what have you) and also more vulnerable. If you're a kid that does something really obnoxious/socially unacceptable, bullying is a way for peers to correct you. The kid that picks their nose will be made fun of and they'll grow up to be an adult that doesn't pick their nose. As with most things, bullying can go too far but that's not the norm.

Nextgrid 4y ago
Yep that's the other thing with bullying. Most people will experience some form of it, but in generally there's one category that's just light-hearted dumb jokes you can ignore (and are not even directed specifically at you - the person is being an asshole to everyone without a specific focus), and a second category that picks on a particular point - a point that's different enough about yourself that makes the bullying acceptable to the rest of your peers; in which case the best course of action is to correct that difference.
trieste92 4y ago
I used to read arguments like this and find sense in them, now they just make me sick It's possible to nudge proper behaviors without causing physical (or emotional) harm to a person. That kind of violence is never necessary, and the thinking that justifies it is hideous complacency at best
- rybosworld 4y ago
  Firstly, I just don't think the old image of a bully who beats up a smaller kid is or ever was common. That sort of physical violence is wrong and should be prevented as much as possible. I feel that should go without saying but wanted to make it clear. These days, bullying has grown to an umbrella term that includes things like teasing. Teasing or making fun of a kid who does gross things is part of a natural reaction from the other kids. Sure you could nudge that kid to stop in a positive way but whose job is that? The other kids? Probably not. The teacher/parents? They have probably tried and failed. So what complacency are you describing? Do you think as a society we can stop kids from being mean to each other?
  - trieste92 4y ago
    There's a certain point where it goes from teasing to something else entirely There was a kid I went to high school with who was in a friend group I was also in. There was a point where we started calling him names just as a joke to mess with him. It got to a point where he became emotionally distant, but we kept doing it anyway just bc we didn't think much of it. His personality completely changed. He went from being a happy person to a shell of a person. We were his only friends at the time. He was still distant when we weren't around. He's (apparently) still like this also I still feel sick to my stomach about that situation to this day, but tl;dr there's a line at which teasing goes from just teasing to something horrible
  - matheusmoreira 4y ago
    Teasing is just probing for vulnerabilities with plausible deniability. They're testing you. They're determining your boundaries and testing your response to violations. Officially nothing is happening, they're "just messing with you" and so any reaction seems disproportionate. Such tests often escalate rapidly though until they discover some behavior they can't get away with.

Nextgrid 4y ago

Yep that's the other thing with bullying. Most people will experience some form of it, but in generally there's one category that's just light-hearted dumb jokes you can ignore (and are not even directed specifically at you - the person is being an asshole to everyone without a specific focus), and a second category that picks on a particular point - a point that's different enough about yourself that makes the bullying acceptable to the rest of your peers; in which case the best course of action is to correct that difference.

trieste92 4y ago

I used to read arguments like this and find sense in them, now they just make me sick It's possible to nudge proper behaviors without causing physical (or emotional) harm to a person. That kind of violence is never necessary, and the thinking that justifies it is hideous complacency at best

rybosworld 4y ago
Firstly, I just don't think the old image of a bully who beats up a smaller kid is or ever was common. That sort of physical violence is wrong and should be prevented as much as possible. I feel that should go without saying but wanted to make it clear. These days, bullying has grown to an umbrella term that includes things like teasing. Teasing or making fun of a kid who does gross things is part of a natural reaction from the other kids. Sure you could nudge that kid to stop in a positive way but whose job is that? The other kids? Probably not. The teacher/parents? They have probably tried and failed. So what complacency are you describing? Do you think as a society we can stop kids from being mean to each other?
- trieste92 4y ago
  There's a certain point where it goes from teasing to something else entirely There was a kid I went to high school with who was in a friend group I was also in. There was a point where we started calling him names just as a joke to mess with him. It got to a point where he became emotionally distant, but we kept doing it anyway just bc we didn't think much of it. His personality completely changed. He went from being a happy person to a shell of a person. We were his only friends at the time. He was still distant when we weren't around. He's (apparently) still like this also I still feel sick to my stomach about that situation to this day, but tl;dr there's a line at which teasing goes from just teasing to something horrible
- matheusmoreira 4y ago
  Teasing is just probing for vulnerabilities with plausible deniability. They're testing you. They're determining your boundaries and testing your response to violations. Officially nothing is happening, they're "just messing with you" and so any reaction seems disproportionate. Such tests often escalate rapidly though until they discover some behavior they can't get away with.