>To counter the Washington Pizza Index, I propose that the United States establish a Strategic Pizza Reserve. Sir please don't even JOKE about the strategic pi

>To counter the Washington Pizza Index, I propose that the United States establish a Strategic Pizza Reserve. Sir please don't even JOKE about the strategic pizza reserve, some knowledge was meant to stay esoteric. I still remember at Derbycon when they thanked us hackers for spending more money than the Kentucky Derby despite the event being one day fewer in length. I've quit drinking since then, and also come out as like... queer or whatever. What will really blow your brain is the same staffers who used to always order an extra large cheese pizza because it clouds how many they are dining with and for how long (because it's freezable) would go on to do things like lobby for information that would have previously been considered CPNI (that's "customer protected network information") to be able to be sold to third-party marketing firms without first securing the affirmative consent of the customers of the pizza shop. You haven't truly lived until some absolute moron figures out you tend to freeze a pizza when you suspect the nukes are gonna fly, then again I also had a period where every time I tried to go into the local park to smoke weed, folks would show up and start shooting softcore pornography -- I nearly gave them the same "just because it's legal to strip down nude in the portland airport doesn't mean you should" speech that I gave one of Ron Wyden's staffers before he uh... definitely didn't get fired from the ACLU. (I'm being a little passive aggressive in this comment, but the last time I called the IRS they made some smartass comment about if I was taking notes for "my" senator. I felt like going, hey, you dumb bitch, I know how to crash the internet and we used to joke the high school looks like an airport and it's also got a rapist out front -- they're all my senator, since the running joke has always been I'm not a cultural fit for the FBI because they don't want to let me anywhere near firearms. Anyways, that was the last time I tried to deal with anything related to federal taxes -- I will not be abused on the phone by some fed. Their model is to fear interaction, mine is to show up five goddamn years later in the samn damn "Bernie 2016" shirt, red eyed, openly amused many of my enemies have shot themselves with their own weapons, and feel guilty I'm gonna throw out some of the pizza I didn't freeze because I fear it's sat in the fridge too long. (Did every Catholic elementary school hold you in for recess if you didn't eat all your food, or was that a hyperlocal thing? Either way, pizza day was fun. Peace out!!)