Sure, and workers have great fun exploiting the hell out of whatever shitty metrics they're given but certain stuff just doesn't get done, and workers who like

Sure, and workers have great fun exploiting the hell out of whatever shitty metrics they're given but certain stuff just doesn't get done, and workers who like dealing with humans (probably the best sort of workers to have in a retail organization...) leave. We could do this with developers too. Give the biggest raise to the developers with the most lines of code committed, and maybe design a shiny dashboard with it as a number to replace the project manager. What could possibly go wrong?