I've got kids. I had my first kid at 37, so it isn't too late for you. Having kids DEFINITELY isn't rosey. Easily, the most challenging thing I've ever faced.

I've got kids. I had my first kid at 37, so it isn't too late for you. Having kids DEFINITELY isn't rosey. Easily, the most challenging thing I've ever faced. What you write about anxiety, panic attacks, etc. I've had all those things and attribute them directly to the life choices I've had to make since having kids. Having kids means you are subject to scrutiny as a parent like nothing you have ever experienced as a software developer, especially from people close to you, your spouse, her/his parents, extended family. I would say: get a life coach. You could have kids if you wanted to, but are probably blocked from it beyond just the circumstances. If you go down that path, you'll figure that why, and even if you don't have kids, you'll find why you do or don't want to be happy.