4 ms·
Not to hop on the train of criticism, but there are plenty of other ways to invest yourself in your career other than being a social butterfly around the coffee
by UnpossibleJim 4y ago
Not to hop on the train of criticism, but there are plenty of other ways to invest yourself in your career other than being a social butterfly around the coffee pot. Admittedly I'm a bit socially awkward and fully aware of my flaws, but that's part of the reason I enjoy terminal work in the first place. Commits and Slack are about as social as I was in the office, anyway and when I was social, people wished I would keep it to commits and Slack =P
- mufty 4y agoThe most relatable comment I’ve read so far
- hirvi74 4y agoMaybe I have some sort of Office-PTSD or something, but I make it very clear to my coworkers that we can be friendly, but we aren't friends. You don't need my cellphone number, we don't need to go grab drinks after work, etc.. I've just noticed that if you turn your back for a second, then out come the wolves. Less coffee pot talk the better as far as I am concerned. I have my friends and life outside of work, and I like to keep them separate. As the saying goes, "you don't shit where you eat."
- TheGigaChad 4y ago
- AlwaysRock 4y agoYup. So much this. I'm friendly with folks at work. I'm not friends with people at work. Maybe some people truly are but I suspect most people who think their coworkers are friends are pretending like that friendship wont go away rapidly when one of them no longer works for the company. So much of OPs post is trying to get from coworkers what many get from friends.
- boredtofears 4y agoSome of the best friends and mentors I've made in life have been through my career. I still talk to friends from jobs that I left over a decade ago. That's bizarre to me to have an explicit attitude of not befriending colleagues. It's never been something I've specifically sought out, it's always organically come to be -- but it's not something I would actively work against. I don't understand the benefit to that mindset.
- orangecat 4y agoYeah I don't get it at all. It seems like some people are operating with an axiom that work is fundamentally and unavoidably awful, and therefore you should avoid doing anything that might seem to make it more pleasant, because then you might trick yourself into spending more time than you otherwise would, which by assumption is a mistake.
- nullandvoid 4y agoThat doesn't sound healthy. Im no social butterfly, and understand initial boundaries are important, however stone walling everyone at work makes for a miserable work place for your colleagues, and for yourself (due to all interactions being ultimately pointless beyond strictly business).
- hirvi74 4y agoWell, for one, once we part ways, I usually befriend them. Just not while we are working together. I am super friendly and outgoing, and will talk to them an all, but I keep a lot of my life private for good reason. I do not like to give people enough rope to hang me with. I'm not perfect, and it's not like I haven't ever broken my own rule, but I think I have been burned all but one time. I've seen how good of "friends" coworkers are when things like promotions, salary increases, etc. are on the line. Like the group of philosophers, Wu-tang Clan, once said, "protect ya neck, kid"
- unethical_ban 4y agoI have friends who are not in my profession. But I have very few friends in my profession who are not my coworkers. There is definitely social bonding to be done with people who deal with the same work you do 40 hours a week, who understand your work life in a way that others don't. Less coffee pot talk means work sucks. It means you don't learn about other roles in your organization. It means not breaking down communication barriers between people and departments. It means people know less about each other and each other's work. It means less empathy and sympathy around common struggles. Nowhere is anyone saying "your only friends must be work friends". But if you are unable or uninterested in establishing any connection with the people around whom you work day in and day out, IMO, that's abnormal.
- thedorkknight 4y agoI don't inherently disagree, but "if you turn your back for a second, then out come the wolves" sounds like a sign of a toxic culture
- rafaelero 4y ago> but I make it very clear to my coworkers that we can be friendly, but we aren't friends ??????
- hirvi74 4y agoTell me about your kids, your weekend, etc. and I will listen. We can grab lunch even. But we aren't hanging out after work, going to bars, coming over to my house, I don't want to go to theirs, etc.