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This is the worst advice to give. He chose not to have with the one he is married to. And you are saying to turn his back on that same person. And have it with

This is the worst advice to give. He chose not to have with the one he is married to. And you are saying to turn his back on that same person. And have it with someone else!

davidguetta 4y ago
People change and so do relationships. Marriage was invented when there was no contraception and life expecancy was half of what it was now.. No one should be miserable for the sake of "being married".
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- spaceman_2020 4y ago
  > life expecancy was half of what it was now. Marriage is between adults and life expectancy for adults was nearly the same as it is now. I would expect HN to know that life expectancy in earlier times was suppressed due to child mortality.
- nashashmi 4y ago
  married people change together. Their relationship changes together. Invented is such a terrible word. It was a contract. And within that contract was a place for love to grow without the idea the person was going to leave. And within that love was a place for family. Today some celebrate the inverse. Have family. Then love. Then marry. Then divorce. And leaves little to no safe place for any of the above.
  - davidguetta 4y ago
    > married people change together. Their relationship changes together In some case yes. "Hope for the best, plan for the worst as people say".
  - theGnuMe 4y ago
    Marriage is a contract your future self may regret. It may seem like the right thing now but you at the end of your life may think differently. The OP regrets not having children. His younger self made that decision. He is not too old to go and have kids with someone else or adopt (say as a single dad even). Go have kids man! If your wife doesn't want to then get divorced. If she does then work together. IVD, adoption etc...
    - nashashmi 4y ago
      Marriage is a contract upon which every other mutual decision in life is made upon. You need to have a better reason than changing decisions to divorce or annul a marriage. She made that decision too after all and it was made together for each other. You remain faithful to the contract, or you are violating the contract in bad faith.
      - theGnuMe 4y ago
        Here in the USA we have no fault divorces. There’s no requirement to give a reason or even have a reason to end a marriage.
        nashashmi 4y ago
        Interesting.
noasaservice 4y ago
Marriage is a contract. When things so intrinsic to your core are being denied, you absolutely have a right to reconsider that. Marriage is not some form of slavery. It's painful to have dissolved... But very doable if the situation is bad enough. Now the problem with op, is that it appears he is depressed and burnt-out, and is transferring the depression to a biological drive for children. To do this would be unhealthy for everyone, including any children they bring in the world.
tsol 4y ago
Is it really better for him to stay with her, when it makes him unhappy? At least this way she can find someone who actually wants to be childless with her, instead of risking resentment

This is the worst advice to give. He chose not to have with the one he is married to. And you are saying to turn his back on that same person. And have it with someone else!

davidguetta 4y ago

People change and so do relationships. Marriage was invented when there was no contraception and life expecancy was half of what it was now.. No one should be miserable for the sake of "being married".

deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
spaceman_2020 4y ago
> life expecancy was half of what it was now. Marriage is between adults and life expectancy for adults was nearly the same as it is now. I would expect HN to know that life expectancy in earlier times was suppressed due to child mortality.
nashashmi 4y ago
married people change together. Their relationship changes together. Invented is such a terrible word. It was a contract. And within that contract was a place for love to grow without the idea the person was going to leave. And within that love was a place for family. Today some celebrate the inverse. Have family. Then love. Then marry. Then divorce. And leaves little to no safe place for any of the above.
- davidguetta 4y ago
  > married people change together. Their relationship changes together In some case yes. "Hope for the best, plan for the worst as people say".
- theGnuMe 4y ago
  Marriage is a contract your future self may regret. It may seem like the right thing now but you at the end of your life may think differently. The OP regrets not having children. His younger self made that decision. He is not too old to go and have kids with someone else or adopt (say as a single dad even). Go have kids man! If your wife doesn't want to then get divorced. If she does then work together. IVD, adoption etc...
  - nashashmi 4y ago
    Marriage is a contract upon which every other mutual decision in life is made upon. You need to have a better reason than changing decisions to divorce or annul a marriage. She made that decision too after all and it was made together for each other. You remain faithful to the contract, or you are violating the contract in bad faith.
    - theGnuMe 4y ago
      Here in the USA we have no fault divorces. There’s no requirement to give a reason or even have a reason to end a marriage.
      - nashashmi 4y ago
        Interesting.

noasaservice 4y ago

Marriage is a contract. When things so intrinsic to your core are being denied, you absolutely have a right to reconsider that. Marriage is not some form of slavery. It's painful to have dissolved... But very doable if the situation is bad enough. Now the problem with op, is that it appears he is depressed and burnt-out, and is transferring the depression to a biological drive for children. To do this would be unhealthy for everyone, including any children they bring in the world.

tsol 4y ago

Is it really better for him to stay with her, when it makes him unhappy? At least this way she can find someone who actually wants to be childless with her, instead of risking resentment