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> Did you ever think about how you'll never again be able to stay up all night and research new technologies, or have a hobby like kayaking, or .. All because o

by _yb2s 4y ago

> Did you ever think about how you'll never again be able to stay up all night and research new technologies, or have a hobby like kayaking, or .. All because of parenting? Single dad with a 5 year old son here. These are self imposed limitations that just aren’t real. For example, I joined a kayaking club when my son was 2, and bring him on kayaking trips about twice a month in a tandem kayak, with proper safety gear. And I am up right now reading on the Internet at night while he sleeps! Whatever you wanted to do as a non parent, you can likely still do. Be creative, bring the kids along and integrate them, or make deals with other parents to share and trade childcare duties.

tasuki 4y ago
Well done you - I'd like to hear more about your experience and I'd love to do the same. (I didn't want to have kids and ended up being a single parent. The part around 1.5 years old when I was taking care of my daughter by myself was rather rough. Like, how do you even take out the trash and other basic things? Despite everything, now I kind of lucked out in that my parents are helping me a lot)
- _yb2s 4y ago
  What has helped me was a combination of trying to really simplify life, and accepting and embracing that things will be hard, and that this will require a lot of energy and strength. I see my pre-parent self as really weak, and am genuinely grateful for how hard this has been, because it has helped forge me into someone with real strength, that I didn't have before and never would have had. I'm not going to lie, I was a mess the first few years as a parent and was massively stressed, couldn't sleep, and couldn't figure out how to find time just to do basic care for my body not alone enjoy hobbies. For your example, I usually take out the trash together with him, we each hold half of the handle. It takes 10 minutes to get him dressed and willing to do this, but it works. I try to avoid TV and media, but will occasionally use it as a babysitter when I need to do something like a meeting or cook food. I do sometimes do zoom meetings with him, and cook food together with him. The more I can engage him in adult activities, the less bored he is, and the less he acts up, gets hurt, etc. These sources had ideas that helped me the most: * Magda Gerber's RIE Philosophy (see https://www.janetlansbury.com https://www.janetlansbury.com), especially useful before age 3 * Ryan Holiday's "The Daily Dad" e-mail list (now also a book) * "Simplicity Parenting" by Kim Payne and Lisa Ross * "Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids" by Bryan Caplan didn't have much specifically useful advice, but basically taught me to just relax and have fun as a parent, and not worry that I am messing everything up * The "Outdoor Boys" Youtube channel. This guy is a total badass, and brings his 3 boys on epic wilderness adventures alone I don't have any family support, but did recently move in with an amazing girlfriend, that is willing to help trade off parenting duties.
  - tasuki 4y ago
    Thank you so much for writing this down!

by _yb2s 4y ago

tasuki 4y ago

Well done you - I'd like to hear more about your experience and I'd love to do the same. (I didn't want to have kids and ended up being a single parent. The part around 1.5 years old when I was taking care of my daughter by myself was rather rough. Like, how do you even take out the trash and other basic things? Despite everything, now I kind of lucked out in that my parents are helping me a lot)

_yb2s 4y ago
What has helped me was a combination of trying to really simplify life, and accepting and embracing that things will be hard, and that this will require a lot of energy and strength. I see my pre-parent self as really weak, and am genuinely grateful for how hard this has been, because it has helped forge me into someone with real strength, that I didn't have before and never would have had. I'm not going to lie, I was a mess the first few years as a parent and was massively stressed, couldn't sleep, and couldn't figure out how to find time just to do basic care for my body not alone enjoy hobbies. For your example, I usually take out the trash together with him, we each hold half of the handle. It takes 10 minutes to get him dressed and willing to do this, but it works. I try to avoid TV and media, but will occasionally use it as a babysitter when I need to do something like a meeting or cook food. I do sometimes do zoom meetings with him, and cook food together with him. The more I can engage him in adult activities, the less bored he is, and the less he acts up, gets hurt, etc. These sources had ideas that helped me the most: * Magda Gerber's RIE Philosophy (see https://www.janetlansbury.com https://www.janetlansbury.com), especially useful before age 3 * Ryan Holiday's "The Daily Dad" e-mail list (now also a book) * "Simplicity Parenting" by Kim Payne and Lisa Ross * "Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids" by Bryan Caplan didn't have much specifically useful advice, but basically taught me to just relax and have fun as a parent, and not worry that I am messing everything up * The "Outdoor Boys" Youtube channel. This guy is a total badass, and brings his 3 boys on epic wilderness adventures alone I don't have any family support, but did recently move in with an amazing girlfriend, that is willing to help trade off parenting duties.
- tasuki 4y ago
  Thank you so much for writing this down!