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They don't last forever... But they are still there. They still take time and energy, probably at a point in life where you can do absolutely everything but hav

by rakoo 4y ago

They don't last forever... But they are still there. They still take time and energy, probably at a point in life where you can do absolutely everything but have to choose. It also has an impact on your health, because you can't live 3-4 years with short nights and not have an effect on you. It still costs money. It still takes up some of your nights to do something else. As a non-parent, and someone who doesn't want to be, you sound like someone saying "it's not so bad". Which it probably is, but I'm still not convinced the good outweighs the bad, and I probably never will

nonrandomstring 4y ago
> good outweighs the bad It's not that sort of rational choice. Choice can be an enemy of joy. For most of human history you just woke up one day and found you were a parent (no immaculate miracles necessary). Birth control and career centred lifestyles have changed that. And that's mostly good, at least for child welfare. But what if life were more arbitrary? I remember that strange study on happiness that followed the fortunes of one group of people who won a lottery, and another who had life-changing serious injuries. Fortune or misfortune could not account for their long-term happiness, because people are complex and adaptable. I think it's similar with parenting. Having children is both the worst and the best thing that can happen to you. Some days you wake up and think "You ruined my life. WTF am I doing?". Other days are filled with sublime ecstasy, feeling literally blessed with something you know is missing from other people's lives, and feeling eternally grateful. And those two feelings are not incompatible.
- rakoo 4y ago
  > It's not that sort of rational choice. It has to be. It's all nice and rosy to feel blessed by sharing your life with another human being, but it is a lifelong commitment, with a good chunk of time and money dedicated to it. If I look at the first link investigating income (https://www.investopedia.com/median-income-by-state-5070640 https://www.investopedia.com/median-income-by-state-5070640), I see that between 9% and 19% people are below or at the poverty rate in the US. Is it rational to have a child in this situation ? Children take focus and abnegation for education. Do you have the mental space for them ? Will you keep your cool at all time and never let anger get the better of you ? Do you have the support structure for helping you, the parent, when things go wrong ? Only people with comfortable lives, who can afford kindergarten, nannies or people-to-whom-you-drop-them-off, all the specific furniture, can say the choice is not that rational. But that's definitely not where most people are.

by rakoo 4y ago

nonrandomstring 4y ago

> good outweighs the bad It's not that sort of rational choice. Choice can be an enemy of joy. For most of human history you just woke up one day and found you were a parent (no immaculate miracles necessary). Birth control and career centred lifestyles have changed that. And that's mostly good, at least for child welfare. But what if life were more arbitrary? I remember that strange study on happiness that followed the fortunes of one group of people who won a lottery, and another who had life-changing serious injuries. Fortune or misfortune could not account for their long-term happiness, because people are complex and adaptable. I think it's similar with parenting. Having children is both the worst and the best thing that can happen to you. Some days you wake up and think "You ruined my life. WTF am I doing?". Other days are filled with sublime ecstasy, feeling literally blessed with something you know is missing from other people's lives, and feeling eternally grateful. And those two feelings are not incompatible.

rakoo 4y ago
> It's not that sort of rational choice. It has to be. It's all nice and rosy to feel blessed by sharing your life with another human being, but it is a lifelong commitment, with a good chunk of time and money dedicated to it. If I look at the first link investigating income (https://www.investopedia.com/median-income-by-state-5070640 https://www.investopedia.com/median-income-by-state-5070640), I see that between 9% and 19% people are below or at the poverty rate in the US. Is it rational to have a child in this situation ? Children take focus and abnegation for education. Do you have the mental space for them ? Will you keep your cool at all time and never let anger get the better of you ? Do you have the support structure for helping you, the parent, when things go wrong ? Only people with comfortable lives, who can afford kindergarten, nannies or people-to-whom-you-drop-them-off, all the specific furniture, can say the choice is not that rational. But that's definitely not where most people are.