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My 16 year old son has an iPhone because Apple has the best parental control integration built-in. Kids can always get around it, which is why I have monitorin

by JPKab 4y ago

My 16 year old son has an iPhone because Apple has the best parental control integration built-in. Kids can always get around it, which is why I have monitoring the little bastard doesn't know about via my WiFi router, along with automated deactivation of his cellular data connection via a schedule with the carrier (after 10 PM on weekdays). The "green bubble" crap that I get from my iPhone owning buddies due to my Pixel is most obnoxious because it's entirely Apple's choice to have that. However, no question that teens are incredibly status conscious. After all, Abercrombie and Gap built massive businesses slapping labels on shitty goods and marking the price up by 1,000%. Nike as well.

chenshuiluke 4y ago
Why go to such lengths to monitor your 16yo?
- Invictus0 4y ago
  I have a friend attending Stanford for undergrad whose parents monitor his location 24/7, and another dealing with the same nonsense at BU. If she wanders too far from the places she's supposed to be, she gets an angry call from parents/her long distance bf (who is also in on it somehow). I guess even that isn't that bad compared to the parents that literally move across the country to wherever their kid is going to college so they can keep controlling them.
  - quickthrower2 4y ago
    A bit like house arrest then.
  - GekkePrutser 4y ago
    Wow I can't imagine the mind of people that trust their kids enough to give them a $300000 education at Stanford and then keep such close tabs on them.
  - JPKab 4y ago
    He’s an adult. That’s ridiculous.
- adeleine 4y ago
  Sitting in front of a phone all day at this age leads to severe mental health problems and is probably the biggest portal for unfiltered harmful content https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7012622/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7012622/
  - plsbenice34 4y ago
    I'd wager that at 16 years old having no privacy and such a nasty relationship with your parent would have much worse effects
    - pessimizer 4y ago
      You're assuming the relationship is nasty. It isn't a given that people who raise kids differently than you do will fill them with hatred and bitterness.
      - plsbenice34 4y ago
        "monitoring the little bastard doesn't know about via my WiFi router" proves for me but of course that will be a matter of opinion
        Infinitesimus 4y ago
        That language is not offensive in many social groups, some families included. You're reading way too much into a random drive by internet comment
        JPKab 4y ago
        My son and I have a great relationship. I’m originally from West Virginia. Its our way of saying “good kid, gets into trouble sometimes though”. He’s a straight A student. When he had unmonitored internet, he wasn’t. His friends who have unmonitored internet aren’t. Leaving teenagers with anytime unfiltered internet access to highly addictive services like TikTok is scientifically shown to be harmful. He’s not an adult. This isn’t complicated.
hdlothia 4y ago
As a parent of a toddler wondering why you deactivate th data. To disincentivize sneaking out? Preventing game addiction or too much social media?
- ok_dad 4y ago
  So he can MITM his son on WiFi and invade his privacy. I bet the day you can own a 5G AP at your home this guy is gonna MITM his son on that. Some people need insane control over their kids, for some reason.
  - JPKab 4y ago
    Wrong. It’s to prevent video game/app addiction and well documented psychological issues. He gets straight As for a reason. I implemented this after he got hooked before, and grades tanked. Go project somewhere else.
    - ok_dad 4y ago
      > project I'm the one here advocating for treating a 16 year old like an adult, warts and all, and you're the one secretly adjusting your son's behavior, so I'll stay right here and say what the fuck I want to.
- r00fus 4y ago
  Yes. My kids aren't old enough for that (they are all asleep at 9pm still) but if I had one that did I'd definitely find a way to ensure they avoided pitfalls I suffered through in school (game addition is a really debilitating habit and can remain with some for years afterwards).
- JPKab 4y ago
  Game addiction. See my other comments. Modern games/apps are highly addictive and damaging to kids, and deprive them of sleep.
  - hdlothia 4y ago
matthewmacleod 4y ago
Jesus. I know it's off-topic and things differ across cultures or whatever, but I remember moving out of home to go to university at 16. The idea that there are parents out there doing stuff like monitoring their kids' internet connections at that age is almost inconceivable to me.
- pessimizer 4y ago
  I think we should evaluate that stuff based on the outcomes, not just on assuming our personal culture as a norm. I moved out to live with friends at 15. Wouldn't say it was the greatest idea, although I wouldn't change it. I have also met Indian guys whose parents are all the way up their asses at least until they're into their 20s, and as far as I can tell it results in a good degree, good employment, and early marriage.
kache_ 4y ago
if you think your kid won't outsmart you, think again
- JPKab 4y ago
  He WILL outsmart me. It's inevitable, and my WiFi monitoring is intended not to find out what sites he visits (I don't care that much about that) but set up to notify me if he's found a way to bypass my nightime blocking and is doing what he did before, and playing video games in the dead of night. And it's still not foolproof. He can theoretically hack a neighbor's wifi, although the weak signal isn't ideal for gaming. I've educated him on the addictive nature of both games and apps, and he's more aware of the signs of addiction now, but that doesn't mean he won't "relapse" back to it. I can't prove this without a scientific study to generate truly empirical data, but my theory as to why "boys are in crisis" and aren't graduating high school at same rates as girls involves video game addiction. A shockingly large percentage of my son's male friends get bad grades when they really shouldn't be. They live in stable, higher income homes, but have overly permissive/clueless parents. I'm a parent in a carpool, and I've been shocked at how many times a kid gets in my car and tells my son he was up all night playing games behind his parents back. In fact, this just happened 2 days ago. I picked up a kid, and he told my son he was up all night playing the newly released Overwatch 2 game. His grades suck. I can't help but think sleep deprivation is a huge part of this.
  - kache_ 4y ago
    your technique is probably less insidious than mine (forcing packet loss) but yeah, controlling your kid's gaming habit is hard. I went off the rails and it probably cost me about half a million dollars in opportunity cost. Those games should be illegal/controlled, they use literal gambling mechanisms to hook kids god speed
howinteresting 4y ago
It's one thing to have monitoring that your kid knows about, but monitoring your kid doesn't know about is child abuse. 16 year olds are people too, and this is no different from installing spyware on your partner's phone because you suspect them of cheating.
- JPKab 4y ago
  How many kids have you raised? Come back to me when your kid (at 13) gets addicted to video games, and starts setting an alarm to wake and play at 2am behind your back, and getting no sleep. Their brains aren’t developed. You don’t let a 3 year old pick their own meals.

by JPKab 4y ago

chenshuiluke 4y ago

Why go to such lengths to monitor your 16yo?

Invictus0 4y ago
I have a friend attending Stanford for undergrad whose parents monitor his location 24/7, and another dealing with the same nonsense at BU. If she wanders too far from the places she's supposed to be, she gets an angry call from parents/her long distance bf (who is also in on it somehow). I guess even that isn't that bad compared to the parents that literally move across the country to wherever their kid is going to college so they can keep controlling them.
- quickthrower2 4y ago
  A bit like house arrest then.
- GekkePrutser 4y ago
  Wow I can't imagine the mind of people that trust their kids enough to give them a $300000 education at Stanford and then keep such close tabs on them.
- JPKab 4y ago
  He’s an adult. That’s ridiculous.
adeleine 4y ago
Sitting in front of a phone all day at this age leads to severe mental health problems and is probably the biggest portal for unfiltered harmful content https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7012622/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7012622/
- plsbenice34 4y ago
  I'd wager that at 16 years old having no privacy and such a nasty relationship with your parent would have much worse effects
  - pessimizer 4y ago
    You're assuming the relationship is nasty. It isn't a given that people who raise kids differently than you do will fill them with hatred and bitterness.
    - plsbenice34 4y ago
      "monitoring the little bastard doesn't know about via my WiFi router" proves for me but of course that will be a matter of opinion
      - Infinitesimus 4y ago
        That language is not offensive in many social groups, some families included. You're reading way too much into a random drive by internet comment
      - JPKab 4y ago
        My son and I have a great relationship. I’m originally from West Virginia. Its our way of saying “good kid, gets into trouble sometimes though”. He’s a straight A student. When he had unmonitored internet, he wasn’t. His friends who have unmonitored internet aren’t. Leaving teenagers with anytime unfiltered internet access to highly addictive services like TikTok is scientifically shown to be harmful. He’s not an adult. This isn’t complicated.

hdlothia 4y ago

As a parent of a toddler wondering why you deactivate th data. To disincentivize sneaking out? Preventing game addiction or too much social media?

ok_dad 4y ago
So he can MITM his son on WiFi and invade his privacy. I bet the day you can own a 5G AP at your home this guy is gonna MITM his son on that. Some people need insane control over their kids, for some reason.
- JPKab 4y ago
  Wrong. It’s to prevent video game/app addiction and well documented psychological issues. He gets straight As for a reason. I implemented this after he got hooked before, and grades tanked. Go project somewhere else.
  - ok_dad 4y ago
    > project I'm the one here advocating for treating a 16 year old like an adult, warts and all, and you're the one secretly adjusting your son's behavior, so I'll stay right here and say what the fuck I want to.
r00fus 4y ago
Yes. My kids aren't old enough for that (they are all asleep at 9pm still) but if I had one that did I'd definitely find a way to ensure they avoided pitfalls I suffered through in school (game addition is a really debilitating habit and can remain with some for years afterwards).
JPKab 4y ago
Game addiction. See my other comments. Modern games/apps are highly addictive and damaging to kids, and deprive them of sleep.
- hdlothia 4y ago

matthewmacleod 4y ago

Jesus. I know it's off-topic and things differ across cultures or whatever, but I remember moving out of home to go to university at 16. The idea that there are parents out there doing stuff like monitoring their kids' internet connections at that age is almost inconceivable to me.

pessimizer 4y ago
I think we should evaluate that stuff based on the outcomes, not just on assuming our personal culture as a norm. I moved out to live with friends at 15. Wouldn't say it was the greatest idea, although I wouldn't change it. I have also met Indian guys whose parents are all the way up their asses at least until they're into their 20s, and as far as I can tell it results in a good degree, good employment, and early marriage.

kache_ 4y ago

if you think your kid won't outsmart you, think again

JPKab 4y ago
He WILL outsmart me. It's inevitable, and my WiFi monitoring is intended not to find out what sites he visits (I don't care that much about that) but set up to notify me if he's found a way to bypass my nightime blocking and is doing what he did before, and playing video games in the dead of night. And it's still not foolproof. He can theoretically hack a neighbor's wifi, although the weak signal isn't ideal for gaming. I've educated him on the addictive nature of both games and apps, and he's more aware of the signs of addiction now, but that doesn't mean he won't "relapse" back to it. I can't prove this without a scientific study to generate truly empirical data, but my theory as to why "boys are in crisis" and aren't graduating high school at same rates as girls involves video game addiction. A shockingly large percentage of my son's male friends get bad grades when they really shouldn't be. They live in stable, higher income homes, but have overly permissive/clueless parents. I'm a parent in a carpool, and I've been shocked at how many times a kid gets in my car and tells my son he was up all night playing games behind his parents back. In fact, this just happened 2 days ago. I picked up a kid, and he told my son he was up all night playing the newly released Overwatch 2 game. His grades suck. I can't help but think sleep deprivation is a huge part of this.
- kache_ 4y ago
  your technique is probably less insidious than mine (forcing packet loss) but yeah, controlling your kid's gaming habit is hard. I went off the rails and it probably cost me about half a million dollars in opportunity cost. Those games should be illegal/controlled, they use literal gambling mechanisms to hook kids god speed

howinteresting 4y ago

It's one thing to have monitoring that your kid knows about, but monitoring your kid doesn't know about is child abuse. 16 year olds are people too, and this is no different from installing spyware on your partner's phone because you suspect them of cheating.

JPKab 4y ago
How many kids have you raised? Come back to me when your kid (at 13) gets addicted to video games, and starts setting an alarm to wake and play at 2am behind your back, and getting no sleep. Their brains aren’t developed. You don’t let a 3 year old pick their own meals.