7 ms·

Too be honestly, I feel like society at large causes burnout. I read a very complete account of my grandfathers early life (before he joined the military durin

Too be honestly, I feel like society at large causes burnout. I read a very complete account of my grandfathers early life (before he joined the military during WW2) and the kinda shit he did living of a farm is stuff of fairytales. When someone in the 20 mile radius needed a barn built, LITERALLY EVERYONE came to help. When you were off work for the night, you would sit with your whole family and read the newspaper or play cards, or travel to your grandmas house 3 blocks away. Now the whole world is split up. My nearest family is over 600 miles away. My friends would rather play video games on discord than go and play cards in person. Work is a 9-5 and then you forget about it. It seems like there is no community anymore outside of online spaces, and that just isn’t the same. In my opinion, burnout is synonymous with lack of real world, in person community.

nus07 4y ago
OP here . Thank you . I feel stuck here in the US too since my family lives in a different country but I cannot move back because spouse and her family live here and the US has better prospects for kids . But I feel stuck in my career since I have become pigeonholed into support engineering roles , no strong friend group having grown up abroad and nothing to do apart from look at stuff on my phone and feeling left behind in pay and career.
- THENATHE 4y ago
  My advice to you would to be just to do stupid shit you think you probably wouldn’t like. Seriously. We as people in modern society have spent our whole life around the idea that we need to have fun and enjoy everything, if not directly than indirectly. I made some friends by hitting up some people I went to high school with like 6 years after graduation. They love offroading. So we now take turns taking out the big jeep and mudding. Once a month we bring a bunch of alcohol and have one person be the DD and drive around a bunch of drunk people in the thick mud, rough terrain, and underbrush. Is that my idea of fun? Hell no. But because I’m doing something with people that I can get along with, I can enjoy aspects of it. And that led me to be ingrained in part of “their group”, so I have a small community. Break out of your shell in ways that you think are dumb or weird, and try and make it fun despite the “weirdness”. You might find that it helps you feel community!
atoav 4y ago
The problem with in person community is typically not that we cannot become part of one, the problem is that we don't want to sacrifice our individualistic urges as we would have to, if we seriously became part of a collective. To many of us believe we can live the individualistic dream and be part of a collective without subtracting from either one. This is not possible. Being part of a collective often means we cannot do what we want, the way we want, when we want and with whom we want. Being part of a collective can be messy, challenging and uncomfortable. But it can also be fulfilling, cosy, safe and home. To become collective we need to carefully look into ourselves and ask us: What is it that makes individualism our comfort zone, what are we afraid of, what makes us insecure? On top of that finding the actual collective might be harder than ot was back then. In the past you had no choice, you were thrown into the world and into a collective. That could be good or very, very bad. My mother had 6 silblings and she hated it, she was never happier then when she got a distance. In times of the internet we could potentially even choose our collectives. But who is willing to do that in this day and age beyond hippies, squatters, artists and similar people? The thing is, nothing stops any of us to build a community of actual people right now. Living together might even reduce rent.
- _qyyd 4y ago
  > In times of the internet we could potentially even choose our collectives. While I agree with you on some parts[1], I somewhat doubt that distant relationships (not necessarily romantic ones) work out well. The lockdown measures took a heavy toll on my mental wellbeing. I imagine other people had similar experiences. 1. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/ https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-8...
  - tharkun__ 4y ago
    I think the point of adding distance there is exactly that it saved the relationship. Some people just don't 'work' in close proximity to each other. And that can include family. I'd think the relationship will be less strained when they do not see each other every day because they live next to each other. At least one of them will feel bad. They may not show it, especially back in times when it would have been hard to get away, they may 'keep it all in' but they won't be happy. It seems like in your parent poster's case, not being together and having a close relationship allowed both sides to be happier. Potentially to the point where meeting each other for like 3 or 4 holidays per year was tolerable and they could work it out but where seeing each other every day would have been miserable for at least one side or potentially openly hostile for a very long time. It doesn't mean not having any relationships but just because you're family doesn't mean you have to be constantly present in each other's lives.
velosol 4y ago
If you aren't already familiar with the concept of the 'third place' [1] it might be an interesting thing to learn more about. There has been for a while (20+ years) a decline in enforced third places (e.g. declining religiosity/church attendance) in many parts of the Western world with little else taking that space. I know Sunday Assembly [2] exists in some places and I hope works for the communities it supports. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place [2]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunday_Assembly https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunday_Assembly
hnuser847 4y ago
> My friends would rather play video games on discord than go and play cards in person. I hear that. I was born in '88, and although I played plenty of video games growing up, I remember playing a ton of card games with friends and family as a kid. After college, I pretty much stopped playing video games entirely and did all of my socializing in person. 10 years later COVID happened, and facing the prospect of being locked in my house indefinitely, I decided to get my very first gaming computer. It's honestly been a wonderful distraction from the stress of life, but a part of me feels dirty about playing video games so frequently. Although COVID is effectively over and everything is open again, I still find myself preferring the comfort and convenience of Discord + games over doing things physically in the world.
- THENATHE 4y ago
  I think we all do, to some extent, feel the comfort of being instantly accessible to games and the internet (or whatever online community and hobby we have). Part of the problem is that internet isn’t not a full substitute for in person. It never well be. This is coming from someone that is chronically online and has more friends that live in different states than in person. It isn’t healthy to be online as much as I am. Does anyone else remember the days of playing Halo with your 3 friends in your living room? That was way better than “Thursday night warzone” that we have nowadays, and I believe it is in part because of the fact that the couch coop was far closer to a real community (like what humans have had for thousands of years) than something as wildly intangible as being online
- odessacubbage 4y ago
  if you have the good fortune to still have an arcade in your area, i'd highly recommend giving it a visit. fighting game locals are also a great way to experience gaming as a in-person activity... provided you enjoy playing fighting games of course.
dev_0 4y ago
We need metaverse
- THENATHE 4y ago
  This is fundamentally the wrong answer, and one that is actively harmful to humanity. The “metaverse” is no more healthy to humans than Discord+Gaming. It is literally the same thing: the illusion of community.
andrei_says_ 4y ago
I see it as capturing and refocusing of attention. Our attention used to be on each other, now it predominantly rests on pieces of plastic, glass and metal.

nus07 4y ago

OP here . Thank you . I feel stuck here in the US too since my family lives in a different country but I cannot move back because spouse and her family live here and the US has better prospects for kids . But I feel stuck in my career since I have become pigeonholed into support engineering roles , no strong friend group having grown up abroad and nothing to do apart from look at stuff on my phone and feeling left behind in pay and career.

THENATHE 4y ago
My advice to you would to be just to do stupid shit you think you probably wouldn’t like. Seriously. We as people in modern society have spent our whole life around the idea that we need to have fun and enjoy everything, if not directly than indirectly. I made some friends by hitting up some people I went to high school with like 6 years after graduation. They love offroading. So we now take turns taking out the big jeep and mudding. Once a month we bring a bunch of alcohol and have one person be the DD and drive around a bunch of drunk people in the thick mud, rough terrain, and underbrush. Is that my idea of fun? Hell no. But because I’m doing something with people that I can get along with, I can enjoy aspects of it. And that led me to be ingrained in part of “their group”, so I have a small community. Break out of your shell in ways that you think are dumb or weird, and try and make it fun despite the “weirdness”. You might find that it helps you feel community!

atoav 4y ago

The problem with in person community is typically not that we cannot become part of one, the problem is that we don't want to sacrifice our individualistic urges as we would have to, if we seriously became part of a collective. To many of us believe we can live the individualistic dream and be part of a collective without subtracting from either one. This is not possible. Being part of a collective often means we cannot do what we want, the way we want, when we want and with whom we want. Being part of a collective can be messy, challenging and uncomfortable. But it can also be fulfilling, cosy, safe and home. To become collective we need to carefully look into ourselves and ask us: What is it that makes individualism our comfort zone, what are we afraid of, what makes us insecure? On top of that finding the actual collective might be harder than ot was back then. In the past you had no choice, you were thrown into the world and into a collective. That could be good or very, very bad. My mother had 6 silblings and she hated it, she was never happier then when she got a distance. In times of the internet we could potentially even choose our collectives. But who is willing to do that in this day and age beyond hippies, squatters, artists and similar people? The thing is, nothing stops any of us to build a community of actual people right now. Living together might even reduce rent.

_qyyd 4y ago
> In times of the internet we could potentially even choose our collectives. While I agree with you on some parts[1], I somewhat doubt that distant relationships (not necessarily romantic ones) work out well. The lockdown measures took a heavy toll on my mental wellbeing. I imagine other people had similar experiences. 1. https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/ https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-8...
- tharkun__ 4y ago
  I think the point of adding distance there is exactly that it saved the relationship. Some people just don't 'work' in close proximity to each other. And that can include family. I'd think the relationship will be less strained when they do not see each other every day because they live next to each other. At least one of them will feel bad. They may not show it, especially back in times when it would have been hard to get away, they may 'keep it all in' but they won't be happy. It seems like in your parent poster's case, not being together and having a close relationship allowed both sides to be happier. Potentially to the point where meeting each other for like 3 or 4 holidays per year was tolerable and they could work it out but where seeing each other every day would have been miserable for at least one side or potentially openly hostile for a very long time. It doesn't mean not having any relationships but just because you're family doesn't mean you have to be constantly present in each other's lives.

velosol 4y ago

If you aren't already familiar with the concept of the 'third place' [1] it might be an interesting thing to learn more about. There has been for a while (20+ years) a decline in enforced third places (e.g. declining religiosity/church attendance) in many parts of the Western world with little else taking that space. I know Sunday Assembly [2] exists in some places and I hope works for the communities it supports. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place [2]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunday_Assembly https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunday_Assembly

hnuser847 4y ago

> My friends would rather play video games on discord than go and play cards in person. I hear that. I was born in '88, and although I played plenty of video games growing up, I remember playing a ton of card games with friends and family as a kid. After college, I pretty much stopped playing video games entirely and did all of my socializing in person. 10 years later COVID happened, and facing the prospect of being locked in my house indefinitely, I decided to get my very first gaming computer. It's honestly been a wonderful distraction from the stress of life, but a part of me feels dirty about playing video games so frequently. Although COVID is effectively over and everything is open again, I still find myself preferring the comfort and convenience of Discord + games over doing things physically in the world.

THENATHE 4y ago
I think we all do, to some extent, feel the comfort of being instantly accessible to games and the internet (or whatever online community and hobby we have). Part of the problem is that internet isn’t not a full substitute for in person. It never well be. This is coming from someone that is chronically online and has more friends that live in different states than in person. It isn’t healthy to be online as much as I am. Does anyone else remember the days of playing Halo with your 3 friends in your living room? That was way better than “Thursday night warzone” that we have nowadays, and I believe it is in part because of the fact that the couch coop was far closer to a real community (like what humans have had for thousands of years) than something as wildly intangible as being online
odessacubbage 4y ago
if you have the good fortune to still have an arcade in your area, i'd highly recommend giving it a visit. fighting game locals are also a great way to experience gaming as a in-person activity... provided you enjoy playing fighting games of course.

dev_0 4y ago

We need metaverse

THENATHE 4y ago
This is fundamentally the wrong answer, and one that is actively harmful to humanity. The “metaverse” is no more healthy to humans than Discord+Gaming. It is literally the same thing: the illusion of community.

andrei_says_ 4y ago

I see it as capturing and refocusing of attention. Our attention used to be on each other, now it predominantly rests on pieces of plastic, glass and metal.