4 ms·

I don't understand how men operate among themselves to be honest but I do know that my ability to share my feelings and struggles with my friends and family has

I don't understand how men operate among themselves to be honest but I do know that my ability to share my feelings and struggles with my friends and family has helped me grow and survive a lot of hardships in my life. My husband has me for that now, but he only has me for that and didn't have that with anyone in the past and I think it hurt him and he is still recovering. I go out of my way to talk to his family when he is hurting about something for instance because he is too proud to do it himself, and we all don't tell him that we've been worried about him and instead just try to lift him up. It works, but only because he has a woman in his life. When he was single he says he would just sink into depression and engross himself in work and hobbies alone all day. That's so unhealthy to be that lonely and disconnected from others. I think my husband is a pretty typical guy and I wonder what he would be like now 7 years since we met if he had remained single. What kind of dark place would he have found himself in? It makes me worried for a lot of young guys. It's like they live in a self enforced solitary confinement.... Solitary confinement drives people nuts. Should male culture become a copy of female culture? That wouldn't work I don't think because I think men have different personality types and tastes on average but it doesn't mean that they can't learn to express their emotions and build friendships with people where they feel comfortable confiding their hurts and fears to each other. Just a basic support network really.... And speaking of friendship, that's another area where me and my girlfriends have noticed that pretty much every man in our lives struggles. It seems like once a guy leaves college his ability to make close friends drops to almost zero. Meanwhile I've made some of my best friendships in my 30s at women's meetups.

luckylion 4y ago
I believe your husband is lucky and it's certainly a good approach that you're using, but for many/most men, that's not the experience they are having, whether they're married or not. They'll hunger for attention and won't find it, they'll need help but will not get any. What else could you say to them but some version of "winter is coming, be prepared"? The best you can do for the vast majority is handing out winter coats and hope they'll find ways to deal with what life offers them besides drugs and suicide. It is what it is, their suffering usually is damaging only to themselves and thus society at large has no interest in changing it.
__turbobrew__ 4y ago
My wife was the first person I shared my feelings with. Since then I have learned and grown to share those feelings with my family and friends as well. I honestly don’t know why I didn’t grow up sharing my feelings, but I believe it has something to do with culture as well as the way paternal figures in my life behaved.

luckylion 4y ago

I believe your husband is lucky and it's certainly a good approach that you're using, but for many/most men, that's not the experience they are having, whether they're married or not. They'll hunger for attention and won't find it, they'll need help but will not get any. What else could you say to them but some version of "winter is coming, be prepared"? The best you can do for the vast majority is handing out winter coats and hope they'll find ways to deal with what life offers them besides drugs and suicide. It is what it is, their suffering usually is damaging only to themselves and thus society at large has no interest in changing it.

__turbobrew__ 4y ago

My wife was the first person I shared my feelings with. Since then I have learned and grown to share those feelings with my family and friends as well. I honestly don’t know why I didn’t grow up sharing my feelings, but I believe it has something to do with culture as well as the way paternal figures in my life behaved.