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I was drinking heavily and knew that it would be the quickest and most effective hack towards being a better father and husband. I first stepped into an AA meet

I was drinking heavily and knew that it would be the quickest and most effective hack towards being a better father and husband. I first stepped into an AA meeting and as the opportunity to speak was going around the room I started seeing many similarities between the people sharing their stories and myself. I thought to myself 'If I were perhaps an alcoholic, what could I share about it and how it may hurt me and those that love me?' When the opportunity for me to share came up, I said 'screw it!' to myself and spilled the beans. "I am an alcoholic..." The meetings made me feel good at first as I kept telling myself that my stories could potentially help someone else. I did not end up sticking with the AA program but the meetings really launched me into the right direction and finding my own path. I do drink NA beer and as many others in the comments have pointed out, there is a lot offered in that arena as of lately. I am a very social person and navigating that lifestyle for the first time without alcoholic beverages was the biggest challenge for me. But I learned to like the challenge and found that sparked a lot of conversations with friends that were interested in quitting or dialing it back. It also identified and strengthened a lot of friendships where people normally wouldn't drink while doing whatever it was we are doing, but they did because I was 'the drinker.' Next week marks my first year of sobriety, so I am certainly no expert, but feel free to reach out if you ever need to hash some things out.

zafka 4y ago
Congratulations! One thing I have heard, that I am afraid to test is that if after a period of time of not drinking, an alcoholic starts again, quite quickly they revert to drinking as much or more than they did previously. I played around quitting and starting smoking several times, so I know I have a very addictive personality. It is not worth the risk for me to drink.
- ChrisMarshallNY 4y ago
  Yup. This is why it's about complete abstinence, not moderation. The first one begets the next one, which begets the next one, and so on... When the train hits you, it's not the caboose that kills you. Complete abstinence is really hard, unless we have some kind of supporting framework. It's been my experience, that everyone that successfully quits drugs (I consider alcohol to be just another drug, but legal, and easy to get), has some form of Discipline. It may be a 12-Step fellowship, religion, extreme volunteerism, martial arts, spiritual practice, etc.
  - zafka 4y ago
    Yes to this. Best is several of the above. I started in AA. I have stayed in AA for many years. Once you clear up it is quite easy to point out quite a few issues with AA, many people quit going because of them. I feel it is my responsibility to be there for new people to let them know that as long as they do not drink, they do not have to get all hung up on the dogma of the program. There are a whole lot of things working together in AA that help folks stay stopped. For a fun outsider look see what Charlie Munger has to say about why AA works.
    - scrapcode 4y ago
      I certainly agree. AA makes sense and there is a ton of wisdom in the BB. I will still lurk a zoom meeting from time to time. The biggest negate for me was that my local meeting that I liked was at the same time as jiu-jitsu - which as the poster above you mentions, I felt would do me more harm than good. If it were more of my demographic I'd probably find time to attend more tbh. I know that all sounds pretty selfish.
      - zafka 4y ago
        Hi Scrap, I moved to Florida after my first year of sobriety. There was a fantastic meeting on Friday nights with lots of "young" people. After a year or so a bunch of "thumpers" and other folks who loved to hear themselves talk started coming and totally changed the vibe. It motivated me to start a beach meeting. Well we just celebrated 30 years of our meeting. If you ever get to the treasure coast look us up. life's a beach - 8:45 am on Sunday.
        scrapcode 4y ago
        I certainly will - thank you! This meeting was pretty relaxed and certainly not of the "thumper" category, but it just... hard to explain, but, wasn't for me. I may expand my horizons and try a couple of different places out but almost every meeting I've attended I got the vibe that 90% of them were there just to "hear themselves talk" or collect another few witty quotes to add to their repertoire. Not that there is anything wrong with that, just gets old and didn't feel beneficial to me over spending that time doing an intensely physical and mentally stimulating activity like BJJ.

zafka 4y ago

Congratulations! One thing I have heard, that I am afraid to test is that if after a period of time of not drinking, an alcoholic starts again, quite quickly they revert to drinking as much or more than they did previously. I played around quitting and starting smoking several times, so I know I have a very addictive personality. It is not worth the risk for me to drink.

ChrisMarshallNY 4y ago
Yup. This is why it's about complete abstinence, not moderation. The first one begets the next one, which begets the next one, and so on... When the train hits you, it's not the caboose that kills you. Complete abstinence is really hard, unless we have some kind of supporting framework. It's been my experience, that everyone that successfully quits drugs (I consider alcohol to be just another drug, but legal, and easy to get), has some form of Discipline. It may be a 12-Step fellowship, religion, extreme volunteerism, martial arts, spiritual practice, etc.
- zafka 4y ago
  Yes to this. Best is several of the above. I started in AA. I have stayed in AA for many years. Once you clear up it is quite easy to point out quite a few issues with AA, many people quit going because of them. I feel it is my responsibility to be there for new people to let them know that as long as they do not drink, they do not have to get all hung up on the dogma of the program. There are a whole lot of things working together in AA that help folks stay stopped. For a fun outsider look see what Charlie Munger has to say about why AA works.
  - scrapcode 4y ago
    I certainly agree. AA makes sense and there is a ton of wisdom in the BB. I will still lurk a zoom meeting from time to time. The biggest negate for me was that my local meeting that I liked was at the same time as jiu-jitsu - which as the poster above you mentions, I felt would do me more harm than good. If it were more of my demographic I'd probably find time to attend more tbh. I know that all sounds pretty selfish.
    - zafka 4y ago
      Hi Scrap, I moved to Florida after my first year of sobriety. There was a fantastic meeting on Friday nights with lots of "young" people. After a year or so a bunch of "thumpers" and other folks who loved to hear themselves talk started coming and totally changed the vibe. It motivated me to start a beach meeting. Well we just celebrated 30 years of our meeting. If you ever get to the treasure coast look us up. life's a beach - 8:45 am on Sunday.
      - scrapcode 4y ago
        I certainly will - thank you! This meeting was pretty relaxed and certainly not of the "thumper" category, but it just... hard to explain, but, wasn't for me. I may expand my horizons and try a couple of different places out but almost every meeting I've attended I got the vibe that 90% of them were there just to "hear themselves talk" or collect another few witty quotes to add to their repertoire. Not that there is anything wrong with that, just gets old and didn't feel beneficial to me over spending that time doing an intensely physical and mentally stimulating activity like BJJ.