As I have gotten older, simply observing what you're observing has led me to massively cut back on drinking. So you're more or less doing the thing. One thing

As I have gotten older, simply observing what you're observing has led me to massively cut back on drinking. So you're more or less doing the thing. One thing I will say-- the "hating yourself for drinking" is probably more of a significant issue than occasionally drinking. Like, we all do dumb stuff, ranging from leaving something on the stove too long to taking a shitty job. The ability to be compassionate towards ourselves when we do dumb stuff. I've found that what the Buddhists call "loving kindness meditation", in which you first target other folks (who you agree deserve it) with your empathy, and then gradually learn to apply that same kindness to yourself has been very helpful in my own struggles with being a horrible fuckup (or, if you prefer, a normal human being). It's okay to fail sometimes. You're human. Just keep trying to do your best and think about why you might have made choices contrary to how you generally understand yourself.