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Thanks for a thoughtful response > Why wait ten years? If you think an infant will burn you out now it won't get easier in ten years. Will be in my 30, and wi

• __d 4y ago
  >> Why have a child when you plan to have strangers (nanny, schools) do most of the work? > Did you homeschool? > I don't see what makes changing diapers or keeping infants from killing themselves a very enriching way of spending energy. > I'm interested in the dinner conversations, weekend activities and holidays, and in nurturing a child's imagination, creativity and character. With respect, I think you're thinking about this wrong. The menial tasks of caring for a child (diapers, cleaning, clothing, feeding, etc) are the structure within which you develop a bond, a relationship with the individual. It changes both of you, and by avoiding it, you also eliminate the thousands of moments that build that relationship between parent and child. As your child grows, those tasks evolve: playing Lego, drawing, listening to their stories, playing dumb video games, taking them to soccer/swimming/music lessons/etc. Lots of stuff that's basically not what you'd really rather be doing, save that your kid wants to do it. Avoiding them again misses an opportunity to be a part of who your child becomes. Now, this is not to say you need do _everything_. A kid benefits from relationships with family, as well as teachers, coaches, older kids, peers, etc. They learn how to make and maintain friendships, how to be both independent but also open to sharing. That can obviously include a nanny, or daycare providers -- everyone's choices are different, and depend on the child's own needs as well. But I'd really encourage you to look beyond the dirty diapers, the vomit, the dribble, the food stain on your work clothes, the 3 hours of sleep. There's a lot more to the process than what's visible, and in my experience, it's important, profound, and well worth it.
  • bckr 4y ago
    > But I'd really encourage you to look beyond the dirty diapers, the vomit, the dribble, the food stain on your work clothes, the 3 hours of sleep. There's a lot more Thank you for your thoughtful response. I will talk to my parent friends and get their perspective on this.
• gregjor 4y ago
  In my experience, parents fall into two broad categories. Those who think they should have waited to have kids (usually for financial and relationship stability), and those who wish they hadn’t waited so long. Every parent will differ on this, but overall giving birth and raising children takes less out of you while you’re still young. Even conceiving a child turns into a medical problem as you get older. > Did you homeschool? Yes, all three, though two went to school at middle/high-school age because most of their friends went to school. Technically we unschooled our kids and let them choose their own interests. They participated in the family and the adult world from day one. Montessori is probably the closest to homeschooling if you want to outsource, but I think having my kids around and part of our daily life was rewarding for everyone. > I don't see what makes changing diapers or keeping infants from killing themselves a very enriching way of spending energy. That’s a very limited view of raising a child. I would only expect to hear that from someone who hasn’t had children. As another commenter wrote, you miss out on so much bonding and joy with your child if think of infants and toddlers as merely puppies who need more house-training. What kind of imagination and creativity do you suppose your child will have, or share with you, if you had someone else raise them during the crucial early years? Children learn from the people around them, from birth. You can try to control conditions all you want. Your posts imply that you view raising a child as an exercise in optimizing for an outcome. Children are human beings with their own personalities and wills. They don’t work like tomato plants.
  • bckr 4y ago
    > Technically we unschooled our kids I am very interested in unschooling. Can you point to any resources that were helpful to you? > Your posts imply that you view raising a child as an exercise in optimizing for an outcome Again, you're putting me into a box a bit. You clearly made choices in how you were raising your children, which means you were satisfying some constraints. Obviously there is no global maximum, or even a fully ordered set of conditions. Nevertheless, like anyone ought to, I'm considering what conditions I'd like to create. > What kind of imagination and creativity do you suppose your child will have, or share with you, if you had someone else raise them during the crucial early years? Children learn from the people around them, from birth. I will take this into consideration, thanks.