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A few years back, my partner and I made the decision to take our own child off of life support. We knew his death was inevitable for a good long while before t

A few years back, my partner and I made the decision to take our own child off of life support. We knew his death was inevitable for a good long while before the decision came, and still, it was excruciating. Not because we weren't ready to let go. We knew we would never be ready, so, in some grim way, that just wasn't a factor. No, what we came to realize is that it was because we somehow didn't feel we were at liberty to do so. Legally, sure. But it seemed like everyone around us was pushing us to fight fight fight, and, even in such an extreme situation, peer pressure is one of the most powerful forces in nature. But I also know that, when we finally did say the words, everyone on the care team took turns hugging us and reassuring us that we were making the right choice. I think, in retrospect, that it must have been terribly heartbreaking for them to watch our situation and know what we were thinking, and themselves not feel at liberty to give voice to what we all were thinking, too. We call them heroes for saving lives, and yet they are perhaps at their most heroic when they can't save a life, but still manage to go back to work the next day. Even more so now that it has become customary to remove the proverbial band-aid as slowly as possible. I think that our only real regret is that we didn't let him go sooner, and instead stupidly, futilely let things drag out long past the point where it could do him or anyone else any good. I think about that a lot, now. And I make sure that the people who might some day have to make end of life care decisions for me know how much I think about it. Perhaps, when the time comes, it will help to fractionally reduce the amount of anguish they experience as they take care of me. I certainly hope so. And I think that the time to talk to your loved ones about these things is now. It's comforting to think that end of life care only happens to old people, but it can happen to anyone at any age.

chrisandchips 4y ago
Wow, thank you for sharing that. Most of us don’t like to discus death and we do our absolute best to pretend like it will never happen. It really pains me to read this and I hope you and your partner find some peace.
magicalhippo 4y ago
My dad's cancer had spread to the lungs, and one day he got pneumonia. After a day at the hospital, he'd asked the doc if he'd ever get home again if he survived the pneumonia. Unlikely, was the reply. The next day he asked them to stop the oxygen supply, and he passed away some hours later. It was really hard losing him that abruptly, even though we knew it could happen. And at that time I was surprised they had done what he asked. I was under the impression they'd do anything to extend the life of the patient. But at the same time I was, and still am, so grateful that he got to make that choice, and not have to suffer for months in a hospital bed before reaching the same outcome.
- THENATHE 4y ago
  My father is solidly under the impression of these two statements (not judging, just presenting his perspective): 1) if you commit suicide, you go to hell 2) doing anything that knowingly will end your life (as opposed to fighting) is the same as suicide. That being said, I know he doesn’t want to live anymore. The cancer has taken over and he’s miserable. He’s literally told me this. But the only person that could say “okay I’m gonna let my dad go” is me, and I can’t do that on my good conscious. I’m only 24 and I am afraid that if I just negligently care for him so he gets his wish outside of his own control that I will know that and live the rest of my life in pain of that. It’s a bunk situation all around
  - magicalhippo 4y ago
    I'm really sorry to hear. That sounds really, really rough. I fully understand your dilemma. At least for my own sake it would be important that I could live with my choices. If my dad had wanted to fight it, and had suffered as a result, well... that'd be his choice. Take care of yourself though, and be honest with yourself. During and after, I got myself into a dark spot until I dared being honest with myself.

chrisandchips 4y ago

Wow, thank you for sharing that. Most of us don’t like to discus death and we do our absolute best to pretend like it will never happen. It really pains me to read this and I hope you and your partner find some peace.

magicalhippo 4y ago

My dad's cancer had spread to the lungs, and one day he got pneumonia. After a day at the hospital, he'd asked the doc if he'd ever get home again if he survived the pneumonia. Unlikely, was the reply. The next day he asked them to stop the oxygen supply, and he passed away some hours later. It was really hard losing him that abruptly, even though we knew it could happen. And at that time I was surprised they had done what he asked. I was under the impression they'd do anything to extend the life of the patient. But at the same time I was, and still am, so grateful that he got to make that choice, and not have to suffer for months in a hospital bed before reaching the same outcome.

THENATHE 4y ago
My father is solidly under the impression of these two statements (not judging, just presenting his perspective): 1) if you commit suicide, you go to hell 2) doing anything that knowingly will end your life (as opposed to fighting) is the same as suicide. That being said, I know he doesn’t want to live anymore. The cancer has taken over and he’s miserable. He’s literally told me this. But the only person that could say “okay I’m gonna let my dad go” is me, and I can’t do that on my good conscious. I’m only 24 and I am afraid that if I just negligently care for him so he gets his wish outside of his own control that I will know that and live the rest of my life in pain of that. It’s a bunk situation all around
- magicalhippo 4y ago
  I'm really sorry to hear. That sounds really, really rough. I fully understand your dilemma. At least for my own sake it would be important that I could live with my choices. If my dad had wanted to fight it, and had suffered as a result, well... that'd be his choice. Take care of yourself though, and be honest with yourself. During and after, I got myself into a dark spot until I dared being honest with myself.