I understand completely and feel the same way about my own father. My dad was also an episodic alcoholic. He'd go months without any issues, then disappear for

I understand completely and feel the same way about my own father. My dad was also an episodic alcoholic. He'd go months without any issues, then disappear for three days on a binge. He'd drink such a massive amount of alcohol he'd have to go onto a IV drip. My 16 year old self became so disgusted by him I refused to tell him I loved him and shunned him. We tried to give him the "tough love" we thought he needed so that he would "hit bottom" and then take some control back. It didn't work, and he ended up dying alone in a hotel room. I now see that he needed more love and support instead of tough love and isolation. I wish I had been more patient, understanding, and supportive.