It might sound weird to say it just this way, but I had to forgive myself for not being there. My presence wouldn't have made any difference to the outcome (it'

It might sound weird to say it just this way, but I had to forgive myself for not being there. My presence wouldn't have made any difference to the outcome (it's not like if I had been there she might not have died), but had I made a different choice, I would have had those last few days and those last few memories with her. I honestly haven't forgiven my dad for my not being there, though, even though my choice was my own. Perhaps if he had changed at all since then, it would be easier to feel differently. I've recently heard forgiveness defined as "letting go of all hope for a better past," though, and I might be able to get to forgiving him by that path, for my own sake, not for his.