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(1) People. I paid full tuition in my course to get some understanding of people. Dad had some understanding, and Mom was really good at it, but neither tried

(1) People. I paid full tuition in my course to get some understanding of people. Dad had some understanding, and Mom was really good at it, but neither tried very hard to teach me. In particular: [i] Boys and girls, men and women are very different. (A) The cliche that boys pay attention to things and girls, to people is not fully true but significantly often is true. (B) Once from a real expert I got a flat statement: "Of COURSE, women are MUCH more emotional than men. That is the cause of all the problems.". That answered a lot of questions! (C) A large fraction of girls and women tend to be afraid -- the list is long with some standard items and some more. One of the more important things a boy/man can do is make it really clear to the female that they are at zero risk with him. (D) Generally girls/women are exposed to some means of manipulation, and some of them get good at it -- boys/men need to watch out for that. (E) Some girls are afraid of being in love (there is a lot to understanding love, and I can't cover all of it here) but, still, are very interested in sex. For them, holding hands can be more intimate than sexual intercourse. Boys/men need to realize that. [ii] A surprisingly large fraction of people are in some significant ways seriously mixed up. So, watch out for that. Also have a list of common ways and watch out for those. (2) Business It took me way too long to understand the importance of business, even just small/medium business, as a path to being financially responsible and maybe even secure. In particular, for a good job in the economy as an employee, there has to be up there somewhere some person(s) who did well enough in business to have created that job. So, being an employee is limited by the jobs other people create. It is better to be the person who is successful enough in business to create good jobs. E.g., at one time I had a relatively good career going as just an employee in computing. Then (A) I didn't appreciate how that career would have to change or how to make that career a lot better, e.g., by starting a business or being such a good employee that I could get stock in a growing company. (B) To be better qualified as an employee, I got a Ph.D. in pure/applied math. I didn't appreciate that in fact, in reality, in the US, a Ph.D. is intended for people who want to be devoted to an academic career and put up with being, in my view, financially irresponsible. I had zero interest in being a professor. The academic work and my independent study are crucial parts of my startup, but the Ph.D. was a very inefficient way to get some help on some of the parts. I conclude that, generally, a Ph.D. is more trouble than it is worth and financially irresponsible. Learning can be important, but a Ph.D. is an inefficient way to do it. (3) Stock At one time the founder, CEO of FedEx told me "You know, if you stay you are in line for $500,000 in FedEx stock." I was holding a really good hand but didn't know enough to play it at all well. I didn't stay. My father understood even less than I did. Mom, didn't have a clue. (4) Art In high school and through college, the teaching kept trying to get me to pay attention to art, especially literature. I didn't see the value. And the lessons in literature were not very credible, that is, I could not trust that they would really be true, say, like Newton's Second Law. For art, I like the definition -- "The communication, interpretation of human experience, emotion." With that definition, okay -- via art can get some views of examples of the experiences, emotions of other people. Maybe sometimes the examples do illustrate something about a lot of people and not just some one. With that definition, I might have paid a little more attention to literature and gotten a little value from it. Being successful with people is CRUCIAL, and understanding their possible experiences, emotions can be important for the success. For me and art, I liked music a lot right away, some before I was 5. Explaining just why took me a while! (5) Jobs and Marriage Apparently some of the prosperity of the US now is due to having a lot of women working. A lot of career paths require moving frequently. But those moves can play havoc with a marriage having two jobs. And with only one job, it can be tough financially to buy a house and do well supporting the family. Lesson: A career that does not require moving has a big advantage in being financially secure and doing well supporting a family. So, if you want to pursue a career that has you move or be in some really expensive place to live, then consider delaying getting married. (6) Gossip In an office, and maybe in much of a life, gossip can be a threat. In an office, if you do well, then others can feel threatened and attack you with gossip. So, apparently it is not enough to assume you are innocent until proven guilty and instead need positively to assert innocence on likely gossip accusations. I'm no expert on how to defend against gossip, finding a good expert could be important, but I'm sure that gossip commonly is a threat. So, watch out for gossip. If it appears you have been attacked by gossip, then (ask an expert) do defend yourself.

gilbetron 4y ago
> [i] Boys and girls, men and women are very different. People are different, splitting people up into two groups generally doesn't help anything. The vast majority of your life will be spent dealing with individuals, not groups. Don't treat individuals like any of their groups. > (A) The cliche that boys pay attention to things and girls, to people is not fully true but significantly often is true. I have found nothing of significance in my life due to this purported "fact". People are people. Look at the individual, not the group. > (B) Once from a real expert I got a flat statement: "Of COURSE, women are MUCH more emotional than men. That is the cause of all the problems.". That answered a lot of questions! Uninteresting. Maybe you are less emotional. Maybe the people you dated were more emotional. If that is a problem, seek out less emotional people to date. There are plenty. More importantly, find someone that makes you feel good, regardless of any insipid advice about "women". > (C) A large fraction of girls and women tend to be afraid -- the list is long with some standard items and some more. One of the more important things a boy/man can do is make it really clear to the female that they are at zero risk with him. You should do this with anyone. > (D) Generally girls/women are exposed to some means of manipulation, and some of them get good at it -- boys/men need to watch out for that. Men manipulate just as much as women. Again, look to the individual. Stop thinking in terms of men vs women. Find someone that isn't manipulative. > (E) Some girls are afraid of being in love (there is a lot to understanding love, and I can't cover all of it here) but, still, are very interested in sex. For them, holding hands can be more intimate than sexual intercourse. Boys/men need to realize that. Take the gender out of this statement and it is an interesting one. > [ii] A surprisingly large fraction of people are in some significant ways seriously mixed up. So, watch out for that. Also have a list of common ways and watch out for those. See, great statement, absolutely decent advice because you kept gender out of it. Although it does sound too jaded. I'd rather state it as, "people struggle with life, understand a person's struggles and make sure you can handle them before becoming too deeply involved with them, not just romantically, but platonically, too."
- graycat 4y ago
  Your remarks about my post have to do with females, that is gender. Today that is a touchy, sensitive, politicized subject. You seem to be saying that, in dealing with people, should get more information. In a sense, you are correct: That sense is from applications of the Radon-Nikodym theorem. The charming proof by J. von Neumann is in the W. Rudin Real and Complex Analysis. In practice, not really: What I mentioned and you object to can be called generalities. Sooooo, in the politically correct world, those are called, say, stereotypes and are offensive. So, it appears that you see the generalities as drawing some detailed conclusions about someone based just on the generalities. Instead, you want to hold off on the details until there is good evidence one detail and person at a time. That won't, can't, work very well. E.g, you are coaching a girl's basketball team. Some of the girls are not doing well. You don't know why, and they are not clearly, explicitly, frankly, honestly telling you why -- such reluctance is common. Soooo, you have to guess. You start with, they are girls, girls tend to be emotional, in particular, afraid. So, try that diagnosis. Uh, in US society, women get be afraid. Men don't. You are coaching a boy's basketball team. One of the boys is not doing well. If you even hint that you suspect he is overly emotional, afraid, you would be calling him a "sissy". All the other boys on the team would howl with contempt, point fingers, bend over with laughter. So you don't do that. You assume he has left his emotions of fear in the locker room and is willing to guard Michael Jordan or foul LeBron James, even if Jordan fakes him into the nickel seats or LeBron knocks him there. Afraid? A boy on a round ball team? NO WAY. In WWII and the battle of Midway, the US sent fighter planes, torpedo planes, and dive bomber planes to attack the Japanese carriers. Of course, the Japanese had fighter planes in the air to protect the carriers. Well, the US planes were poor on coordination, and the torpedo planes attacked with the rest of the US planes still on the way. Well, it would look like the torpedo planes had no chance. And in fact, they didn't have a chance; not even one torpedo hit, and all the torpedo planes were shot down. The US torpedo plane pilots knew they were likely to be shot down, but they flew in anyway. Fear? No room for fear. Sure, some women can also overcome fear, but they are usually not expected to and still usually don't. Did I mention, boys and girls are different. It appears that you want to set aside generalities and assume that the girls are not afraid until it is clear they are or that the boys are afraid until it is clear they are not. But this clear information you want, and I agree would be good to have, mostly won't be available. You want to ignore the generalities. But the generalities are from decades of careful observation and have too much good information to discard, especially when the detailed information you want is not available. What I posted is what was requested, what I wish I'd had in my experience. I'm not trying to get into current politically correct gender equality arguments. Instead, I was describing what I wish I had known. What I listed that I wished I'd known was important. A lot of the wishing that you responded to was about love, and that is a challenging subject. E.g., not knowing what I listed I wished I'd known cost me the relationship with the prettiest human female I ever saw, in person or otherwise. And she was terrific in nearly all respects otherwise. Later I discovered by improbable accident that she really loved me. For me, I still have her high school graduation picture in the UR corner of my computer screen -- I'm still in love with her. That was a failure. I believe that had I known what I wish I had known, I could have saved the relationship, likely had a really good marriage, etc. We would have done well with children: I like children, and she was way over the top in adoring children, especially the faces of children, say, under the age of 5. E.g., my marriage (to another female) was a failure. Had I known what I listed I wish I'd known, I could have either avoided the marriage or saved it. She was quite sick. Visiting her mother on her family farm, she was missing and her body was found floating in a lake, an apparent suicide. Did I mention failure? So, both of those females were afraid. Did I mention that I wish I'd understood that females tend to be afraid? For this subject of fear, I will remind you of a 101 level of a little of it: In now some old and relatively solid clinical psychology, fear is called anxiety and tends to bring paranoia, hysteria, and obsessive-compulsive (OCD), psychopathic-passive behavior. Soooo, if see a lot of symptoms of anxiety (fear, as my quite perceptive Mom, after only 15 minutes, put it, "afraid of her own shadow"), look also for the rest. Your approach fails here -- you are asking everyone to rediscover 100 years of clinical psychology one detail and one person at a time. Then, the anxiety tends to bring stress, and the stress tends to bring depression. The depression lowers productivity and can, thus, can bring more stress. The extra stress can lead to clinical depression which is dangerous -- can cause suicide. And that is EXACTLY what happened. It is just CRUCIAL for someone to understand this 101 level of clinical psychology. Just what she was afraid of, a detail you would insist on, she would never say, in decades, never say or hint, and would prefer to go to her death than say. Did I mention that some of the details you want won't be available? And why this 101 clinical psychology mostly for women? Did I mention, women are much more emotional than men? And more afraid? You want to discard the generalities. Soooo, you discard the information the generalities imply and want to get that information one detail and one person at a time. E.g., you see an anxiety case but want to discard that, from enormous evidence, the generalities say that the anxiety can lead to OCD, stress, depression, clinical depression, and death. Okay, now that they are dead, you have your detailed information. Of course, you have the information too late.

gilbetron 4y ago

> [i] Boys and girls, men and women are very different. People are different, splitting people up into two groups generally doesn't help anything. The vast majority of your life will be spent dealing with individuals, not groups. Don't treat individuals like any of their groups. > (A) The cliche that boys pay attention to things and girls, to people is not fully true but significantly often is true. I have found nothing of significance in my life due to this purported "fact". People are people. Look at the individual, not the group. > (B) Once from a real expert I got a flat statement: "Of COURSE, women are MUCH more emotional than men. That is the cause of all the problems.". That answered a lot of questions! Uninteresting. Maybe you are less emotional. Maybe the people you dated were more emotional. If that is a problem, seek out less emotional people to date. There are plenty. More importantly, find someone that makes you feel good, regardless of any insipid advice about "women". > (C) A large fraction of girls and women tend to be afraid -- the list is long with some standard items and some more. One of the more important things a boy/man can do is make it really clear to the female that they are at zero risk with him. You should do this with anyone. > (D) Generally girls/women are exposed to some means of manipulation, and some of them get good at it -- boys/men need to watch out for that. Men manipulate just as much as women. Again, look to the individual. Stop thinking in terms of men vs women. Find someone that isn't manipulative. > (E) Some girls are afraid of being in love (there is a lot to understanding love, and I can't cover all of it here) but, still, are very interested in sex. For them, holding hands can be more intimate than sexual intercourse. Boys/men need to realize that. Take the gender out of this statement and it is an interesting one. > [ii] A surprisingly large fraction of people are in some significant ways seriously mixed up. So, watch out for that. Also have a list of common ways and watch out for those. See, great statement, absolutely decent advice because you kept gender out of it. Although it does sound too jaded. I'd rather state it as, "people struggle with life, understand a person's struggles and make sure you can handle them before becoming too deeply involved with them, not just romantically, but platonically, too."

graycat 4y ago
Your remarks about my post have to do with females, that is gender. Today that is a touchy, sensitive, politicized subject. You seem to be saying that, in dealing with people, should get more information. In a sense, you are correct: That sense is from applications of the Radon-Nikodym theorem. The charming proof by J. von Neumann is in the W. Rudin Real and Complex Analysis. In practice, not really: What I mentioned and you object to can be called generalities. Sooooo, in the politically correct world, those are called, say, stereotypes and are offensive. So, it appears that you see the generalities as drawing some detailed conclusions about someone based just on the generalities. Instead, you want to hold off on the details until there is good evidence one detail and person at a time. That won't, can't, work very well. E.g, you are coaching a girl's basketball team. Some of the girls are not doing well. You don't know why, and they are not clearly, explicitly, frankly, honestly telling you why -- such reluctance is common. Soooo, you have to guess. You start with, they are girls, girls tend to be emotional, in particular, afraid. So, try that diagnosis. Uh, in US society, women get be afraid. Men don't. You are coaching a boy's basketball team. One of the boys is not doing well. If you even hint that you suspect he is overly emotional, afraid, you would be calling him a "sissy". All the other boys on the team would howl with contempt, point fingers, bend over with laughter. So you don't do that. You assume he has left his emotions of fear in the locker room and is willing to guard Michael Jordan or foul LeBron James, even if Jordan fakes him into the nickel seats or LeBron knocks him there. Afraid? A boy on a round ball team? NO WAY. In WWII and the battle of Midway, the US sent fighter planes, torpedo planes, and dive bomber planes to attack the Japanese carriers. Of course, the Japanese had fighter planes in the air to protect the carriers. Well, the US planes were poor on coordination, and the torpedo planes attacked with the rest of the US planes still on the way. Well, it would look like the torpedo planes had no chance. And in fact, they didn't have a chance; not even one torpedo hit, and all the torpedo planes were shot down. The US torpedo plane pilots knew they were likely to be shot down, but they flew in anyway. Fear? No room for fear. Sure, some women can also overcome fear, but they are usually not expected to and still usually don't. Did I mention, boys and girls are different. It appears that you want to set aside generalities and assume that the girls are not afraid until it is clear they are or that the boys are afraid until it is clear they are not. But this clear information you want, and I agree would be good to have, mostly won't be available. You want to ignore the generalities. But the generalities are from decades of careful observation and have too much good information to discard, especially when the detailed information you want is not available. What I posted is what was requested, what I wish I'd had in my experience. I'm not trying to get into current politically correct gender equality arguments. Instead, I was describing what I wish I had known. What I listed that I wished I'd known was important. A lot of the wishing that you responded to was about love, and that is a challenging subject. E.g., not knowing what I listed I wished I'd known cost me the relationship with the prettiest human female I ever saw, in person or otherwise. And she was terrific in nearly all respects otherwise. Later I discovered by improbable accident that she really loved me. For me, I still have her high school graduation picture in the UR corner of my computer screen -- I'm still in love with her. That was a failure. I believe that had I known what I wish I had known, I could have saved the relationship, likely had a really good marriage, etc. We would have done well with children: I like children, and she was way over the top in adoring children, especially the faces of children, say, under the age of 5. E.g., my marriage (to another female) was a failure. Had I known what I listed I wish I'd known, I could have either avoided the marriage or saved it. She was quite sick. Visiting her mother on her family farm, she was missing and her body was found floating in a lake, an apparent suicide. Did I mention failure? So, both of those females were afraid. Did I mention that I wish I'd understood that females tend to be afraid? For this subject of fear, I will remind you of a 101 level of a little of it: In now some old and relatively solid clinical psychology, fear is called anxiety and tends to bring paranoia, hysteria, and obsessive-compulsive (OCD), psychopathic-passive behavior. Soooo, if see a lot of symptoms of anxiety (fear, as my quite perceptive Mom, after only 15 minutes, put it, "afraid of her own shadow"), look also for the rest. Your approach fails here -- you are asking everyone to rediscover 100 years of clinical psychology one detail and one person at a time. Then, the anxiety tends to bring stress, and the stress tends to bring depression. The depression lowers productivity and can, thus, can bring more stress. The extra stress can lead to clinical depression which is dangerous -- can cause suicide. And that is EXACTLY what happened. It is just CRUCIAL for someone to understand this 101 level of clinical psychology. Just what she was afraid of, a detail you would insist on, she would never say, in decades, never say or hint, and would prefer to go to her death than say. Did I mention that some of the details you want won't be available? And why this 101 clinical psychology mostly for women? Did I mention, women are much more emotional than men? And more afraid? You want to discard the generalities. Soooo, you discard the information the generalities imply and want to get that information one detail and one person at a time. E.g., you see an anxiety case but want to discard that, from enormous evidence, the generalities say that the anxiety can lead to OCD, stress, depression, clinical depression, and death. Okay, now that they are dead, you have your detailed information. Of course, you have the information too late.