I remember doing a bunch of hallucinogens in late teens early twenties. It changed me a lot, not how I expected. I never felt like I was "one with the universe"

I remember doing a bunch of hallucinogens in late teens early twenties. It changed me a lot, not how I expected. I never felt like I was "one with the universe", never felt God or any of that. I never saw the "white light". I definitely hallucinated, but the weird part was you don't just see the hallucination, your thoughts are the hallucination. You only start to hallucinate once the barrier between your thoughts and the stability of what you're looking at weakens It also changed what society looked like. Growing up I was always highly sceptical of religion, but after doing hallucinogens (and not while doing them) I started to see the same sort of irrational craving for religion in other places also. It made me realize how inherently irrational we all are, and how much of our society is built on top of fear. Also how our own emotional needs can be exploited I started reading a lot more, and read a bunch of late 19th early 20th century literature because I wanted some sort of sense of direction. I also became a lot more conscious of whenever people exhibit manipulative tendencies or try telling other people what to want. In general I became less trusting than how I was before and more content with my own life plan. This changed the relationships that I had and made me stop talking to old friends (who really weren't very good people), and made me more assertive about boundaries and expectations of respect The downsides of doing them: infrequent feelings of disassociation (feeling like life is a dream) and preoccupation with death (also infrequent now). Also being less trusting and more sceptical of how people try to direct each other through life. Most of the positives came about after a couple years of being drug free, so I don't know whether they happened because of me getting older or the hallucinogens