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My memory of my childhood is terrible. I just have little 'flashbulb' memories, and they mostly seem to be of the worst moments. I've read that recalling memo

My memory of my childhood is terrible. I just have little 'flashbulb' memories, and they mostly seem to be of the worst moments. I've read that recalling memories will change them, and for some reason those just happen to be the memories that come to me late at night when I'm trying to sleep. I often wonder how those memories have changed in my mind as a result of me getting stuck on them. I don't recall ruminating over those events in childhood, so maybe they weren't as bad as I remember and my negativity is slowly twisting them into something worse than they actually were. I feel like I'm a little ungrateful because I have so few good memories of that time and my parents couldn't have really been that bad.

amanaplanacanal 4y ago
I identify with this so much. Brains are weird.
number6 4y ago
I can relate. My parents weren't that bad but that are some pretty nasty memories hanging around. And besides them nothing much other. I just try not to remember.
sharkweek 4y ago
This is super common. It’s very normal to remember the “bad” stuff (and turn them into worse memories than they really were) because of how our brains are wired to try and avoid said “bad stuff.” All my earliest memories are traumatic in the sense that it was something bad that happened in a very visceral way, e.g., being stung by a bee in my back yard, falling off of a tire swing, the basement door closing behind me and being locked in it for maybe 30 seconds (but my memory is that it was forever). I had the same feelings as you but then in therapy learned how normal it is and that helped a lot.
WanderPanda 4y ago
For me it is the complete opposite, I only remember the good memories and feel nostalgic all the time, thinking everything was better and I was happier 1/2/5/10/15 years ago
f1shy 4y ago
I have a mixture of good and bad ones. But the really bad are completely gone. Once I was told about one day when my uncle and other relatives ended in a "boxing match" after some alcohol and discussion... and I have absolutely no memory about it. After I was told many times, and with details, I seemed to start remembering it... but I stoped thinking about it, casually because of fear that those memories where implanted and not real... From my childhood I have horrible holes in my memory... only flashes here and there... but when I meet with school guys from that time, they tell endless stories from them I do not remember anything at all... sometimes I am the protagonist, but I have no clue what they talk about.
- chasd00 4y ago
  This happens to me too, my wife will tell me about horrible fights we had at the beginning of our marriage and i have absolutely no memory of them. I think forgetting unpleasant memories is a defense mechanism some people develop.
pizza234 4y ago
> so maybe they weren't as bad as I remember [...] and my parents couldn't have really been that bad Any possibility is on the table; and I think it'd be useful to investigate in one way or another. Most of the people experiences only one couple of parents, and there are no other models to compare against, so the parental model can seem normal/good independently of how it is. I've actually experienced the opposite case; I've always had good memories of my childhood, but as adult, I've realized that my parents were very bad (not abusive, just bad parents).

amanaplanacanal 4y ago

I identify with this so much. Brains are weird.

number6 4y ago

I can relate. My parents weren't that bad but that are some pretty nasty memories hanging around. And besides them nothing much other. I just try not to remember.

sharkweek 4y ago

This is super common. It’s very normal to remember the “bad” stuff (and turn them into worse memories than they really were) because of how our brains are wired to try and avoid said “bad stuff.” All my earliest memories are traumatic in the sense that it was something bad that happened in a very visceral way, e.g., being stung by a bee in my back yard, falling off of a tire swing, the basement door closing behind me and being locked in it for maybe 30 seconds (but my memory is that it was forever). I had the same feelings as you but then in therapy learned how normal it is and that helped a lot.

WanderPanda 4y ago

For me it is the complete opposite, I only remember the good memories and feel nostalgic all the time, thinking everything was better and I was happier 1/2/5/10/15 years ago

f1shy 4y ago

I have a mixture of good and bad ones. But the really bad are completely gone. Once I was told about one day when my uncle and other relatives ended in a "boxing match" after some alcohol and discussion... and I have absolutely no memory about it. After I was told many times, and with details, I seemed to start remembering it... but I stoped thinking about it, casually because of fear that those memories where implanted and not real... From my childhood I have horrible holes in my memory... only flashes here and there... but when I meet with school guys from that time, they tell endless stories from them I do not remember anything at all... sometimes I am the protagonist, but I have no clue what they talk about.

chasd00 4y ago
This happens to me too, my wife will tell me about horrible fights we had at the beginning of our marriage and i have absolutely no memory of them. I think forgetting unpleasant memories is a defense mechanism some people develop.

pizza234 4y ago

> so maybe they weren't as bad as I remember [...] and my parents couldn't have really been that bad Any possibility is on the table; and I think it'd be useful to investigate in one way or another. Most of the people experiences only one couple of parents, and there are no other models to compare against, so the parental model can seem normal/good independently of how it is. I've actually experienced the opposite case; I've always had good memories of my childhood, but as adult, I've realized that my parents were very bad (not abusive, just bad parents).