6 ms·

The story leads with the fact that the author met her boyfriend on Bumble, despite attending the same university and living in the same city for five years. So

by wzdd 4y ago

The story leads with the fact that the author met her boyfriend on Bumble, despite attending the same university and living in the same city for five years. So that's a surprising takeaway.

throwaway2037 4y ago
I thought the same, but I am generation older. It made me think: Does anyone still ask people out for dates in real life? I am sure some, but the ratio must be incredibly low now after online dating became so common. To be clear: I do not think this is worse. For example, with the rise of different types of dating apps, it does seem that women (seeking men) have more agency in their dating life. In my generation (and culture), women almost never asked out men, so they were always waiting for romance to happen to them. Of course, this has changed significantly. Some part is the rise in agency of women (education, earnings power, social changes, etc.), and some part dating apps.
- bradlys 4y ago
  Online dating is common but it doesn’t usually work for the average man. It will work for most women but most women don’t use it. Most men still need to find a partner through other means like cold approach (terrible - it’s highly dependent on looks just like Tinder) or through warm approach (friends of friends, hobbies, social groups, etc. - this is where most average men meet their partners). The issue now is the growing number of single men. This number keeps going up every year and it doesn’t look to be improving. It’s definitely leading to some not-so-great side effects. (The number of single women is growing more slowly)
  - alach11 4y ago
    > The issue now is the growing number of single men... The number of single women is growing more slowly How is this possible, outside of gender imbalance or imbalanced matching (i.e. one man in a relationship with multiple women)?
    - bradlys 4y ago
      You’ve described all of it. I’d add in that there are more baby mamas than there are baby papas too. Men are born at a higher rate than women. (5-7%)
  - throwaway2037 4y ago
    You wrote: <<but most women don’t use it>> First, do you have any sources? Most (Western culture) highly-educated women that I know use online dating apps. Second, as I understand, a major issue about dating with highly-educated people: Women (almost) always want to meet same socio-economic status or above. Dear HN readers: Read that last sentence mathematically: Greater than or equal (>=)! As women are quickly holding more than 50% of highly educated jobs (economically practical masters degrees and above), this creates a huge mismatch. See: Medicine, science, finance, technology jobs. (Commentary: By 2030/40/50, I feel a huge portion of medicine will be women. Great!) Real-world example: If a man is a public pre-school or elementary school teacher (middle to lower income), his chances to meet a high-income woman are very low in 2022. On the contrary, many (Western culture) men are happy to meet / date / marry women whom have (far) lower socio-economic status. "Sexy, not smart." In the classic (out-dated) cultural view, this is "big (male) boss" dates/marries low socio-economic status executive assistant ("secretary"). I have observed this is quickly coming to an end in the last twenty years. Real questions: (1) Whom are high-income male bosses dating these days? I assume: High-income women whom are breaking the glass ceiling for senior roles. (Great! I support these women 152%!) Or: These men date younger (and younger!). I have observed both in my professional career. (2) Whom are low-income/-education female executive assistants dating these days? I assume they are mostly single. Why? They want to meet high-income men, but these men are more-and-more focused on other (still rare!) high-income women(!). Final comment that is very (deeply!) personal: If you are not alpha-male or very high income, it is difficult to meet highly-educated women. Basically, they are "vaccuumed/Hoovered" (sorry: American English slang!) by other high-income/status or alpha men. It is so tough. Please, please, do not read this final paragraph as discriminatory against women whom choose these men. Dating is complex! Personally, my dream is to meet someone who is a science researcher (academic) with a low salary, but passionate about their work. Lots to talk about! Last: Please, please don't read any of this post as something negative towards women. No, exactly the opposite. I am more interested in how wealthly, highly-educated societies will rebalance when women hold more than 50% of educated positions (very soon in rich countries!). In my view, it is terrific that women finally have equal opportunity in my society. My mother never had these opportunities, but her daughters will finally have the chance for economic equality. Huzzah.
    - 4y ago

by wzdd 4y ago

The story leads with the fact that the author met her boyfriend on Bumble, despite attending the same university and living in the same city for five years. So that's a surprising takeaway.

throwaway2037 4y ago

I thought the same, but I am generation older. It made me think: Does anyone still ask people out for dates in real life? I am sure some, but the ratio must be incredibly low now after online dating became so common. To be clear: I do not think this is worse. For example, with the rise of different types of dating apps, it does seem that women (seeking men) have more agency in their dating life. In my generation (and culture), women almost never asked out men, so they were always waiting for romance to happen to them. Of course, this has changed significantly. Some part is the rise in agency of women (education, earnings power, social changes, etc.), and some part dating apps.

bradlys 4y ago
Online dating is common but it doesn’t usually work for the average man. It will work for most women but most women don’t use it. Most men still need to find a partner through other means like cold approach (terrible - it’s highly dependent on looks just like Tinder) or through warm approach (friends of friends, hobbies, social groups, etc. - this is where most average men meet their partners). The issue now is the growing number of single men. This number keeps going up every year and it doesn’t look to be improving. It’s definitely leading to some not-so-great side effects. (The number of single women is growing more slowly)
- alach11 4y ago
  > The issue now is the growing number of single men... The number of single women is growing more slowly How is this possible, outside of gender imbalance or imbalanced matching (i.e. one man in a relationship with multiple women)?
  - bradlys 4y ago
    You’ve described all of it. I’d add in that there are more baby mamas than there are baby papas too. Men are born at a higher rate than women. (5-7%)
- throwaway2037 4y ago
  You wrote: <<but most women don’t use it>> First, do you have any sources? Most (Western culture) highly-educated women that I know use online dating apps. Second, as I understand, a major issue about dating with highly-educated people: Women (almost) always want to meet same socio-economic status or above. Dear HN readers: Read that last sentence mathematically: Greater than or equal (>=)! As women are quickly holding more than 50% of highly educated jobs (economically practical masters degrees and above), this creates a huge mismatch. See: Medicine, science, finance, technology jobs. (Commentary: By 2030/40/50, I feel a huge portion of medicine will be women. Great!) Real-world example: If a man is a public pre-school or elementary school teacher (middle to lower income), his chances to meet a high-income woman are very low in 2022. On the contrary, many (Western culture) men are happy to meet / date / marry women whom have (far) lower socio-economic status. "Sexy, not smart." In the classic (out-dated) cultural view, this is "big (male) boss" dates/marries low socio-economic status executive assistant ("secretary"). I have observed this is quickly coming to an end in the last twenty years. Real questions: (1) Whom are high-income male bosses dating these days? I assume: High-income women whom are breaking the glass ceiling for senior roles. (Great! I support these women 152%!) Or: These men date younger (and younger!). I have observed both in my professional career. (2) Whom are low-income/-education female executive assistants dating these days? I assume they are mostly single. Why? They want to meet high-income men, but these men are more-and-more focused on other (still rare!) high-income women(!). Final comment that is very (deeply!) personal: If you are not alpha-male or very high income, it is difficult to meet highly-educated women. Basically, they are "vaccuumed/Hoovered" (sorry: American English slang!) by other high-income/status or alpha men. It is so tough. Please, please, do not read this final paragraph as discriminatory against women whom choose these men. Dating is complex! Personally, my dream is to meet someone who is a science researcher (academic) with a low salary, but passionate about their work. Lots to talk about! Last: Please, please don't read any of this post as something negative towards women. No, exactly the opposite. I am more interested in how wealthly, highly-educated societies will rebalance when women hold more than 50% of educated positions (very soon in rich countries!). In my view, it is terrific that women finally have equal opportunity in my society. My mother never had these opportunities, but her daughters will finally have the chance for economic equality. Huzzah.
  - 4y ago